Hi, I am new, I know you hear that a lot. any way I need some advice. I am 26 years old and 34 weeks pregnant. I am expecting a baby boy in about 6 weeks. Any way his father has been a complete jerk and I have not even talked to him since August, I haven’t spoken to his family since June. They have been denying that my son is his and have been saying awful things about me. Fine. I don’t care. I have done everything to provide for this child. I bought a home, have a good job, and have a college education. My sons father is a drunk, and a ranch hand, and to top it off has no desire to be anything else. My sons family has extreme gambling debts. They do not go to church, and I am very religious. I didn’t know this when I started seeing my sons father, but when I found out I ended it. then I found out I was pregnant. Now to top it off my sons father has stated he wants nothing to do with us, and has been casually sleeping with girls around town, don’t you think he would learn where babies come from? Uh.

It has been hard because we live in a very small town in Montana a population of about 1000 people. I have only lived here for about a year so I am new to the area and I see them almost every day. They are usually drunk and stumbling out of the bar. My family lives 1500 mile away so arnt much help, but luckily I have made some very good friends here in this community.

Any way last week my sons grandmother approached me in the grocery store. Now they want to be there for the birth. They want to be involved because "this is their child too." I am having a very hard time with this and I am not sure what to do. She is very assertive, and I am not, I am dreading her reaction when I tell her I don’t really want them around. So I called my attorney because I was just going to have them sign their rights away. I cant!! the state of Montana wont let me, I have to be in compliance with Child Support Enforcement, and as a result I have to give them visitation. I have put Alcohol restrictions on their visitation but beyond this I don’t know what to do.

I am so torn, It would be nice to have their support and to have grandparents near by, but what good are a bunch of drunk gamblers that only want to be part-time grandparents? How can I forgive them for what they have said, and how they have acted? And how can I let the family be involved when my sons father is not? And if they wanted to be involved where have they been for the last 8 months? This is really stressing me out. Does anyone have any idea what to do?

So my situation is not exactly the same, but there are some similarities. My son's father has seen him about 8 hours out of his life and not since he was six months old (he's 2 1/2 now). His parents, well more so his mom, and me had a strained relationship at first. They wanted to be involved, but were also very defensive of their son and his actions. We (the parents and I) finally came to an agreement that they would be grandparents, and just that. We did not mention or discuss their son, and they did not get involved in any matters between us. It helped a lot, and now his mother and I actually have a pretty good relationship. Now in your case the grandparents have a lifestyle you are not fond us, and I did not have this problem, so I am not sure how to advise you there. But be assertive, this is not "their child too", it may be their grandchild, but it is YOUR child and you are calling the shots.

Maybe try meeting for lunch with the mom and voice some of your concerns, and talk about how a relationship will work if their son continues to be opposed to it.

THank you for your advice. I would really like to have some sort of relationship with his family, but I dont know if I can trust them. I just want to do whats best for my son. He will be a 4th generation in this town so his roots run deep here, and there is alot of extened family. I dont want to deny him that, but at the same time I am afraid to expose him to their life style.

Any way my sons Grandmother was supposed to come by my house this week and talk. She never showed. I want to meet her where I feel comfortable. but lunch might be a good option.

My child's grandmother and I have always had a good relationship, so I can't completely relate to what you're going through. I know sometimes it takes a while for family to get used to the idea of a baby, but I think that usually when people come around, it's because they find themselves thrilled at the thought of a child and want to be there for it. I would recommend letting them be involved in the child's life, but maybe in a controlled environment at first. But you're absolutely right to be assertive, and you need to make sure they know what you expect of them around your child. You don't need to hand baby over to them right away; let them know that if they want to be a part of this child's life, they need to show they deserve it. As a side note, do you have a name picked out?

I agree with everyone else if they can be decent grandparents to your child it could be a good thing. However is they are anything like my mother in law I would fight to keep them from being alone with your baby. I just went throught a court battle with my mother in law she was fighting me for grandparents rights. I let the kids see her as I have felt so far it is in their best interest but never alone. I ended up winning she can see the kids as agreed to by us outside of court. That means she sees them when I think the time is right. and someone is always there with the kids . I'd post the link to the topic so you could see how everything transpired but I cant figure out how.
Just know this is your baby dont let them bully you into anything your not comfortable with. Trust your instincts. and you will figure out what is best for your child. Also there is no reason the grandparents should be in the delivery room if your not comfortable with that you have the right to your privacy.

Hi Amy, I'm going to jump right in, First I agree with the responds. I would not let them be anywhere around me or my child. They are no good for anyone especially you and yours. This is not their child, they already had their children and messed up don't let them mess up yours. Who cares about her reaction towards not being in the delivery room, did she care about your feelings when they were spreading rumors and denying your baby.I use to be the same way, always trying to include his family in everything until i realized that they weren't even trying to be around my children. Stand your ground , put your foot down. You don't want them around leave it like that. Amy stay strong dont let them intimidate you.

hmmmm

i would say to them like it is.

you denied your grandchild and now you want to be a part of his/her life?

what game are you playing?

it is hard to know sometimes what people's true intentions are.

they have to earn your trust now..they hurt you and I think they need to recognize that.