Some days I just don't want to be a parent anymore! And today is one of them. I have two teenage boys - almost 18 and 16.

Since their overbearing step-dad has left, I have given them more room and more choices. You know how the saying goes "Give 'em an inch and they'll take a MILE"

Well, enough was enough. My oldest started missing school, and his brother has not been doing homework. I put my foot down last night.

We all went to dinner to talk rationally. My oldest was very reasonable, understood why I was upset, and was open to set ground rules. His brother just glared at me through the whole thing. We set rules about friends, cerfews, etc. Cerfew was set at 10:00 on school nights - After all homework is completed. Either for friends going home or my kids coming home.

We get home, and my oldest heads out with a few friends. Not even 1 day after our conversation, where he had input into the rules, did he go and break them. I called him at 10:15 and he said he'd be home when he got home and hung up on me! This morning he did not say two words to me on the way to school. Except to mutter "only till May". If he drops out, I don't know what I'll do.

His brother on the other hand, the one glaring through dinner, woke up and said sorry, I understand what you mean, and I will do better. But, I'm not holding my breath!!

Some days I just want to give up! Hold up the white flag and surrender. I try to remind myself that they are teens and just as the terrible two's passed, this will too.

I have raised them right, they know right from wrong, they both understood my concerns and need for tighter rules, I gave them input into the rules and compromised to reach a workable agreement. So What Went Wrong??

OnMyFeet - I haven't any experience with teenagers; my children are only 2 and 5.

Just wanted to say my heart goes out to you. I do have nephews, ages 13 and 16. They pretty much do what they want, when they want, yet they are good boys. They do take things for granted and also act rebellious at times.

Sounds like you had a heart to heart with them or a rational talk over dinner. Would a second sit down talk help? Curious - what time did your son end up coming home that night?

I saw my oldest at lunch today. His school is two blocks from where I work and he comes by most days. I wasn't sure I'd see him today though..

He walked into my office and sat down with a sigh, head hung down. I braced myself, and said,"pretty ticked at your old mom, huh?"

He said, "It's not you, but I really don't want to talk about it right now."

On our way to get a quick lunch, I asked him what time he came home. He said 12:30, and that he did not get to sleep until 2am.

I asked him why he didn't call for a ride, and he told me that he was dealing with a lot of issues that needed to be cleared up between his friends and him. He apologized for breaking cerfew right after our agreement and said if he didn't think it was important he wouldn't have.

The important thing about that last part is that I never brought up the fact that cerfew was broken. He took that responsibility himself, and realized it was "not right".

As far as the other issues that he is dealing with, I know he'll come to me when and if he needs to. He always does - a day or two later when things are sorted out in his head.

Like I said, he and his brother know right from wrong, they are good kids. I just want so badly to make sure that they stay on the right path! At their ages there is soooo much to deal with, there are so many influences, and it's just hard to let go and trust.

I just have to keep telling myself that they will make it through, just as they have every other phase of growing up.

Still, nothing prepares you for any stage. I have read so many contradictory books about raising kids!! And the ones from my parents generation are now found to be almost dead wrong! I guess I know who to blame for my neurosis.

Like my mom said, your grown and still alive, so I guess I did my job. LOL (Beleive me she was JUST KIDDING!)

Oh, there were hugs, and I did let him know that although he thought that becaus of his circumstances with his friends, that breaking cerfew was not OK.

He apologized again, and said that it would not happen in the future. I said "good, you don't want your mom showing up in curlers and pj's picking you up from J's house!" That would make a few more issues for him to work out tomorrow.

I just didn't want you all to think that I did not address the rule breaking at all! I was just impressed that he brought it up first.

Score one for you mom!

Sounds to me like you are doing a pretty darn good job to me!

My sister has 4 boys (the oldest is now 21 but the others are still teens)... and we are all very close, so I can relate. They are all great boys and were raised with strict family rules and ethics.

I can say from experience with them (and I also remember what a witch I was to my mom at that age!) that nothing went wrong except for normal teen rebellion.

They think parents (and aunts) are out to ruin all their fun and think they are SOOOOOO grown up that rules don't apply to them anymore.

I was really impressed that your son came to you and discussed why he broke the rules. It speaks volumes about your relationship with your kids and that they trust you.

My family is like that...tough when we need to be (for their safety and our sanity) but there when they need us always with an open invitation to talk about something if they need to.

Hang in there...it does get better as they mature. You're doing a great job!

Deb

I love that you went to dinner and had a great talk with them... even with the glares what a GREAT Mom thing to do!

You keep doing what you are doing, obviously it is settling inside of them whether one or both choose to show it or not it is there (clearly by the care and understanding the older one shows).... that is all you can do to bring them into adulthood. Put in place the correct pieces. Their use of them is up to them. Sounds like they've got a piece of Mom in them already (who knows though maybe it is the visual of mom in curlers and pj's showing up at a party?)