I need to think outloud for a minute. I just found out yesterday that my baby's father was fired from his job for failing a drug test. This is the second time in just as many months. I have learned over the last several months not to count on him for anything, but it still makes me so angry that he isn't taking his life seriously. When I asked him to leave, he was so angry that he wouldn't be part of the pregnancy. But, he keeps showing me over and over that it really isn't that important to him. He told me a few weeks ago that he wanted to be here for the delivery. I have no idea how he plans to pay for a flight here if he can't hold a job. Getting his fix was obviously more important to him.

I'm trying so hard to just worry about myself and my baby and our life, but it's so difficult to not be completely pissed off and dissapointed at him. He told me that he's moving again, chasing a job that he doesn't even have yet, but says he's "in". Unbelievable. He's done this before, and it never works out.

I am trying to do the right thing and include him as much as I can with updates about the pregnancy. I just wish I didn't have to talk to him. His mistakes stress me out. I can't help but think years ahead and how I will explain him to this baby. I wonder if he will ever get his act together. And most of all, I wonder if he will ever make an effort to meet his baby after the birth.

Anyway thanks for listening..

Let me tell you from experience. I was two months pregnant when I found out that my so-called boyfriend was fired from his job. My daughter is now 6 weeks old and he still has no job. He keeps promising to get a job and he never does, I don't even know if he is looking. He tells me that I shouldn't put pressure on him for wanting him in his daughter's life because he is having a "tough time right now". Like my life is easy raising my daughter by myself.

All I know is that I spent my whole pregnancy hoping and wishing that he would get a job. I listened to all his lies about wanting to be involved, and here at 6 weeks he has never seen her and doesnt know her name. I have only begun to realize that I will have to raise her by myself and that he will not be involved in her life. It is hard to deal with and I am human that is why I get upset about it. But now I am at the point where I will tell him not to call me anymore until he is ready to be a father, and if I never get that call I will be okay with that. Because I do not want someone who is more committed to himself than his child.

It will take time for you to search through all your feelings and to get past the pain. It took me my whole pregnancy and a month after. It will be hard not to worry about this boy because you are worried about your child and you want the best for your child. I cannot tell you what to think or how to feel, I can only share my experience and tell you that eventually with time, prayers and some searching within your soul that times will get better. When you have your baby in your arms she/he will be all you think about, from the time you wake up in the morning to the time you go to bed. My daughter has her father's ears and head, and everytime I look at her I smile because of how beautiful he helped to make her, but think about how much he is missing out on.