Is there any way to keep your baby's father from introducing his new girlfriend to your baby after the child is born? I worry that after I have this baby he will want to make his new girlfriend a part of my child's life. I've read before that this leads to attachment issues and insecurity in children, but I haven't been able to find any legal rule that would prevent the girlfriend from being in my child's life. Do I have any say in who my child sees when the child is on her father's visiting time?

Well, you really can't keep him from having her around your/his child. Unless being around her would put your child in danger, then you might have a chance.

Ive been the girlfriend before to a man with a newborn. If there is no child support order and you are the custodial parent, then I dont think he can take the baby away out of your presence. Thats what happened with my ex and his baby's mother. She didnt want the baby around me, so he could only see the baby if he went to her house. I dont think you can control that if there is visitation rights set up by the court. But in all honesty, thats his child too, and he is a right to introduce whoever he wants to to the child. Thats one of the down sides of being a single parent. Just like he might not want you introducing any new boyfriends to his baby. Kinda goes with the territory.

thanks youngnursemommy,
I understand he's a parent too here, but I'm already wayyy protective of my child and I don't want her getting attached to ppl who aren't going to be there for her in the long run. I don't plan on bringing boyfriends home until we have dated for at least two years and are completely solid in our relationship, to give you an idea of how protective I am. I just expect my child's father to show the same consideration to his daughter. I am aiming to get full custody of my child, and I don't plan on taking any child support, so does that give me a little more of a say when it comes to what goes on in her life? And can I really limit visitation to my house?

Im really not sure what the laws are, especially in your state. I just know how my ex's baby mother handled the situation. She was allowed to do it like that because my ex let it go on that way, but then he really didnt see his son that much. That made it difficult for him to get close to his son and she lived 4 hrs away from him anyway. But I guess if you dont want child support then visitation cant be enforced. Make sure though. I can understand you not wanting your child to get close to strange women and then them possibly leaving. Just dont be suprised if the father stops coming around all together because of you wanting him to see HIS child ONLY in your presense. Ive witnessed that happen. The child is the one who loses out in the end.

That's a good point, and I guess I didn't really think much about the possibility of him eventually losing interest in his daughter. I want him to be in his child's life, and I want him to get out and see new people, but I want to reconcile these interests so my daughter doesn't get hurt in the process. I guess my instinct is just to hold on and keep her as close as possible to me. I don't mind going up and bringing our daughter to visit him, esp. when she gets a little older, but I just don't want her to get confused... I guess I really am over-thinking things for only being 14 weeks pregnant, but what can you do? I just want to do what's best for her...

I dont think you're overthinking things. I understand completely. Maybe you and your ex can come up with some type of agreement before the baby is born. Like when you have you individual time with the baby, you both can agree to not let "boyfriends or girlfriends" around the baby to avoid confusion. Something like that. In this day and age you have every right to be overprotective of who is around your child, especially when you're not around.

I've talked with police about this, and there's nothing one can do if the other parent wants to see their child in their house, if there's no court order. Once they cross state lines, then it's a different story.

My ex has her GF over all the time while my daughter is there, and they go out to dinner and go do family type stuff together. I know that her GF wants to help raise her, I've read it, I don't think that there's much that I can do about it unless like Don says, if she's a threat to the safety of my daughter. There's a moral issue here that the courts just won't look at, they won't even consider same *** partner issues in Illinois. I'm working on getting past it, but I can't help resent someone else trying to fill my role when I'm not there.

What makes it sting even more, is that my ex wouldn't let me be a father to her daughter. Not when we met and not well into the relationship. When I tried to she would counter what I did or complain that she was put out because I would ground her daughter and now she (the ex) would have to stay home too because they had made plans to do something together. I guess it's my fault for caving in all the time, when she would get me to pull back the grounding.

She would tell me that I had better treat my own daughter the same way. Every kid is different and depending upon how they are raised, they may or may not act the same way as their older sibling. All I know is that now, I do treat her similarly, in that I tend to pull back on punishment and let my little girl get her way, sometimes. But, not after having a good talking to about what she did wrong and implementing a punishment (sent to room, toy taken away ...).


I wish you the best, and hope that your baby's father will want to continue to be around and play an active part.

SadieMontane

My divorce and the custody of my children was just finalized in October and in Connecticut. My lawyer told me that because I am the CP I can tell him where and when I want him to because I have the children. My ex comes to where I live in Massachusetts every other
Saturday to visit our two children. I have taken my children to Connecticut twice and they have spent time with his girlfriends family at her sisters house. I am actually thankful that his girlfriend is involved and cares about them. Just keep your head up and think positive.

thanks for the input and the advice. I live in Connecticut myself, so that works perfectly for me. I'm planning on becomming the custodial parent so hopefully I can enforce some general guidelines for the two of us...

i know im in a diff country, but id tell him straight out right untill his been in a stable relationship for 1 or more years and he sees it going into marriage theres no way he is to bring another woman into the childs life if shes not going to be a permanent fixture in the childs life... i said exactly that to my ex and he wasnt happy but im the primary carer and he knows what i say goes.