Just when I think I am getting tougher, can do this(having a baby)I get people who want to add their two cents. I have been asked if I am going to marry the baby's dad, told how I should present this to my parents, etc. My pregnancy is not general knowledge yet-I have told some, but not all. How do you handle the comments and the questions? One friend says to develop a **** you attitude, but it's easier said than done. I would not exactly say I am a people pleaser, but my trademark is that I have usually done things the "right" way, whatever that is. Anyway, back to my original question. How do you handle the comments and unsolicited advice?

bnhgal

Honestly, if I knew then what I know now-- I would have had the perfect answer for my situation (the 1st time around that is). Tons of people asked me if I was going to marry the father. I should have told them that the decision to marry somone isn't something you can decide in 9 months and then there would be the convincing him that my opinion was right and that would take at least another year!

I was so embarassed at points with total strangers looking at my swollen belly and asking me about the father (I worked at a retail store where I was in constant flow of the public) that I started wearing my class ring from high school on my wedding finger. I was in shock at how that stopped folks from asking so many questions. The questions turned from are you getting married and the EVER so bold, "do you know who the father is?" to what are you having and what names have you picked.

In all actuality, it really is only your business what you plan on doing. If they ask if you plan on marrying him, you could always come back with the all favorite "why are you planning on paying for the wedding?" I don't know, call me cynical--but I'm tired of people judging and pushing their opinions on the women who are just dealing with the situation they are in.

As for telling your family, I never had to tell my mother that I was pregnant. She already seemed to know the first time around. The second pregnancy I wasn't living at home and wish I had waited to tell my folks. I had a lot of emotions that needed sorted on that one, because I wasn't as naive as the 1st go round.

If you let people get to you it is going to be a long road. The best thing to do is to really make sure that you are firm in your decisions and never waiver in them. The people that tend to ask those same questions are the same who feed on weaknesses. Show them how strong you can be and find a chosen few to be your rocks to support your decisions.

Hi gnhgal,
Depending on how the advice is given and what it is I have been known to treat it as an offer to help. Okay an example, a person on this board was given unwanted advice about her sons birthday cake. The advice giver did not understand why the receiver would not make a cake for her son instead of buying one. A good way for me to handle that is to tell the giver thank you for the offer I will need the cake on such a such date decorated this way. Most advice givers will end the giving at that point and time.
Another way to handle it is just to tell them
"thank you I will try to remember that" and move on.
My brother who has no children also is very good at giving me advice on my kids. I have told him that when he has raised his kids and they turn out okay he is welcome to tell me how to raise mine. He loves that one.
It all just depends on how it is presented by the advice giver. Sometimes I know the person really means well and is speaking from the heart. Those are times I just tell them thank you and move on.