i have been off the board for a while, having given birth to my beautiful daughter who is now almost 11 weeks.
Long story short, I got pregnant less than 2 months after dating this man, of which I was away for one month in Europe. As I was 31, I decided to keep the baby, no matter if he would be apart of its life. He said he would. He has another child that is 14 years old, that he does not see, and not many people know about, he actually lives in another province.
Things were okay for the first trimester, but he officially moved in after he found out I was pregnant and moved back out 4 months later. We stopped dating a month after that. However, he was my coach for labour and delivery.
After the delivery things seemed like they were getting better. He sleeps here most nights and loves spending time with his child. We have gone out a couple of times without the child, and had a good time.
At this point I asked him to tell me what he was thinking. He knew that I was still in love with him. He came home one night after drinking and said that he wanted me to know that he appreciated everything I did for him (cooking, cleaning, making lunch, laundry, raising our daughter although not stated) so then there was a pause and my heart sank, I was waiting for the but... when I didn't hear it, so I said it. "But..." He said, "no but" so I am remaining hopeful that things are looking up.

He brought up about getting a car, and maybe moving. (I don't drive, so the when "we" get a car made me hopeful) I wanted to know his level of commitment, so I am not jumping into a situation that is over my head, so yesterday he tells me he is not sure that he is ready to buy a house together, I said fine. And when gently pressured to elaborate he says, he is not sure if he wants to be married. Now we never talked about this, and I said as much. He said well we are living together so we might as well be. I am very divided in thinking what is the best thing for me and my child.
Do I arrange for a custody agreement and hope that I don't need it? Just thinking about what terms kills me. I want her father to be a part of her life, but I can't even think about being away from her for more than a couple of hours, and if I stay around when he visits with her, I am not giving myself a break or a chance to move on. Any advice?

Speaking from someone who has been on both sides of the coin, get a custody agreement, give him at least 1 over night a week to start with and 4-6 hours on the weekend. It will give him some time to bond with his child with out the mom around and it will give you some time to take care of yourself. It will also avoid ptential conflict later. It is really the best thing for all involved. If your relationship with him stays amicable even if you are no longer romantic you can give him more time when the child is older. If it doesn't you have the custody agreement to protect you from him trying to take her when ever he wants. Hope that makes sense, I wish you the best of luck.

Well he sure is making a lot of assumptions here. I'd just go with the flow for now. Let him ease into this situation if that's what you want him to do. Tell him that if he insists on living with you then you expect him to at least be faithful and respectful or find somewhere else to live. It doesn't mean you have to get married or buy a house together.

What is it that you want? Do YOU want to get married with him or buy a house? If so then you'll need to express what your needs are. If it doesn't coincide with his then cut him loose.

Personally, I don't think two people have to marry because they have a child together. Many people opt not to. However, it leaves plenty of room in the future to change your minds, if need fit.

Remember, you made the choice to have this baby with or without him. You need to follow through with your word. Hold little expectations of him for the time being or he'll stray.