Hello all...I am new here and hope to not offend with my question, but I am considering terminating my 5 week pregnancy. I realize this is a single parent forum, and I have not completely ruled out carrying to term, but please...I need someone to give me reasons to keep this child. I know how horrible that sounds, but a bit of background on me. I am 39 years old, alone (father does not know, will not know; it was a casual thing and this was not in the least bit planned), own a business that is just getting off the ground, and really only have one person to support me, which is my mom and she's 65 years old. I've never wanted children, have never been around children, and when I am, they drive me crazy. I've never been in a serious, long term relationship, so I've become selfish and set in my ways. I've weighed the pros and cons of my options and am having a hard time coming up with reasons to keep the child. I honestly do not believe I could adopt out after bonding with him/her for nine months.

Please...I am not looking for an abortion debate. I am looking for reasons to keep a child that I don't want to abort, but can't imagine raising either. I do not think I would make a good mother, especially a single one. I have no patience, and as I've said, I have never been around children more than a few hours. I'm also considering the health risks with pregnancy at 40 years old.

Wow...what a way to jump in this forum...first of all..welcome.

I'm a man...and can in no possible way really relate to what you are saying EXCEPT from the point of being a "Parent".

So here goes.....

....there are a million reasons to keep your child. And if you asked... I'm sure you'll get tons from people here....

...but, I have friend....these men ....knowing I'm a Dad always ask me this same question:

"What's it like being a Dad, I mean...cause I'm really scared and worried I wont be a good Father."

Here's how I answer: Women carry the baby, they are made sick, miserable, stress, fat and literally at times crazy by this action....we as the fathers...even if you literally didnt "father" the child deal with these women going through this ( if we are "fortunate" enough) are affected in many times the same way...I know I was...and my EX will attest to me....getting Fat, Moody, Sick...and Nuts!

But when that baby arrives...no matter how traumatic or easy, the whole world changes....that is NO joke!

You will NOT think that same as you do now. There is no time to be bonding...it's instantaneous. You cannot explain to someone without children what it will be like....only that I've seen the most hardened, criminal minds turned around by the touch of their child. Do you think you would really be any different?

I had to fight my EX 10 lonnnng, excruciating months ( my hands are shaking as I type this) to be able to keep my baby. And yes, I considered it my baby. I dont blame her...she was very scared...and in the end the decision to keep her was the right one....as is almost ALWAYS the case.

I also know personnaly women that at your same age now...would willingly give up their lives, careers for being able to have a child.

I watch one of my closest friends...go through several miscarriages, in trying to start a family...and the agony they bore each time it happened...and your was by "accident".

Yes, I'm trying to make you feel guilty....if you're the great person....that you think you are selfish or not....your baby deserves YOU...not someone else, YOU.

The mere fact that you came here asking us to give you reasons to keep your child.......that alone tells all of us...this is YOUR CHILD ALREADY....hang on to him/her with all you have for as long as you can. Some of us only have them for a short time.

Children are God's way of telling you that theres still some Good in you.

Heres one of my greatest achivements:





Choose with your heart when it comes to your child.

Once again, Welcome to the forum.

one of the most scariest times of my pregnancy was the last week i had the choice to abort. This was the hardest decision i made in my life, single, pregnant, alone, no college degree, living with parents, weight problems all my life. Yes, i called to see how much it was, yes i even drove to the place to see where it was. But i just couldnt do it. This was about the point where i realized for some reason god was giving me this gift, and was i going to reject it?

Needless to say, i had my little girl and my world is upside down, but i couldnt give her up for the world! she has brought so much love to my life and gave me a new reason to get on the ball with my education and career. i, like you, couldnt stand to be around kids but when it comes to your own, there is no comparison!

I'll never consider my daughter a "mistake" she was a "gift" and she brought so much in to my life!

I hope you decide with your heart, even though it may not agree with your head, it will be the best decision for you.

Welcome

I have a hard time relating as I always wanted to be a mom. I had two miscarriages before my first and for a couple of years I was completely crushed because I thought it would never happen. I completely agree with Paul though, the birth of the baby will change the way you think and act completely. Your priorities in life completely change. Somebody once sent me an e-mail called The Cost of Children, I love it and read it frequently. This is long but believe me worth reading.

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.
But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:

* $8,896.66 a year,

* $741.38 a month, or

* $171.08 a week.

* That's a mere $24.24 a day!

* Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich."
Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?

* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!

* Glimpses of God every day.

* Giggles under the covers every night.

* More love than your heart can hold.

* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.

* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites

* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:

* finger-paint,

* carve pumpkins,

* play hide-and-seek,

* catch lightning bugs, and

* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:

* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,

* watching Saturday morning cartoons,

* going to Disney movies, and

* wishing on stars.

* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for:

* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,

* taking the training wheels off a bike,

* removing a splinter,

* filling a wading pool,

* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream or pizza regardless.
You get a front row seat to history, to witness the:

* first step,

* first word,

* first bra,

* first date, and

* first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits. So, one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren!!!!!!!

So there it is...I think thats more than enough reasons!

Welcome to the site. I've read thru everyones posts and they have explained the wonders of being a parent so wonderfully. I was pregnate and alone at nineteen and looked at what I could never gain...like you I looked at my life taking a finacial down fall. I baby-sat but by no means loved children. I decied to go thru w/the pregnancy and have my now ten yr old son. Sure I bonded while I was pregante but never know how much my life would change for the better so quickly after I had him. The minute he was born I was willing to give up college, funtimes w/friends, ect... just to be w/him. I went thru the same things w/my 13month old daughter. I managed a yr after my son was born to enroll in college graduate and sure not as fincially stable as I would like but I will get there some day.

You do change after the birth of ur baby and will be a great mom if you choose to do so. Its scary but you can do it. By no means am I saying you r a bad person if you choose abortion. That is every womans right to be able to choose.

Its just so hard to explain or even get across the true and complete feelings of being a mom or dad in words. Heres a pharse I heard once that may get some of this feeling across..."A parent is God in a child's eyes". Like Mom on the go said u get to be immortal and you never have to grown up. I don't know about you but the never having to grow up part REALLY appeals to me!

I guess follow your heart and do whats best the situation that is being given to you.

Good luck and I hope the best for you.

BTW below are the two unexpected events in my life but were will worth it.

SPIRIT

First off......




It sounds to me like you really do want the baby despite your list of fears because you admitted that you know in your heart that you couldn't give the baby up for adoption after bonding with the baby during pregnancy. If you just want someone to give you a reason to keep the baby...well, could the fact that it is your child - a blessing bestowed upon those who are chosen to give the gift of life - be enough? If not...

...then lets get down to the root of it all for you in your doubting mind by starting with some questions:

A. Is it fear(s)?

B. Do you feel unworthy for some reason?

C. Are you feeling inadequate in the parenting department?

I will try to also answer some of these questions (devil's advocate) as I go along so you know where someone on the flip side is...maybe you will relate. I think a good place to start with good reasons why you should go full term and have this baby are all the reasons why you feel you shouldn't have this baby.

A. EVERY expectant first time parent, especially parents who are feeling alone (because you never really are alone) and inexperienced have fears. LOTS of them. Married ones do, too.

It is all apart of going into the parenting role and very normal. Call it a transitional period, if you like. I am sure a lot of people could share their fears they have had being single and pregnant, as well as you could read a lot of the posts here and see it all, too. Don't let that stop you from becoming a mom, though. It is normal and after the first few months after your baby is born, you will realize that it isn't as hard or scarry as you first feared. Most of it comes naturally because raising kids comes from your heart. I think it is sooner for women because we bond faster with our babies, being the carriers and all that, hence why we are the caregivers in the family.

There are a lot of resources and support groups out there as well for first time moms and moms who are older first time moms. It isn't unheard of at all to have a baby at your age. My mom had her last child at your age and it was a breeze. I was the one who had the high risk pregnancies and I had them in my early twenties!! Go figure!!! LOL So, don't let age discourage you, either.

A lot of older moms will tell you that it is GREAT having a child when you are older because you are financially more secure, you are stable, you have a lot of life experiences (translated into WISDOM), and you get to relive childhood (YAY). I have heard that having kids when you are older also makes you feel younger and breathes new life into your life that wasn't there before and makes you healthier physically because of the affects they have on you emotionally.

Also remember, we are also here to support you, too. Some of the people on here would blow you out of the water with the advice they have to offer you on certain things (some are more gifted that way) from knowing the best cure for a diaper rash to time management. There is always bound to be someone else across the country experiencing the same thing you are or someone who has experienced it all already and has great advice.

I must say that it would be more than perfect if you had this child because you own your own business. If it is finally taking off, you can maybe get to a point around the due date that you can take more leisure time off for baby-and-you time and still successfully run your business. I envy you that, I will admit. You are one up on a lot of us in that dept.

As for not being around children very much...that is a non-issue, too.

I can spend a lot of time trying to describe to you that feeling you have once that baby is born - there is no going back in your heart, no matter what happens in the future. All fears seem to dissapear in comparison. That baby - the miracle of it all - blows you away. Your heart is theirs from that first cry to the last. That is something every parent experiences. The love, the joy and the overwhelming power of so many emotions at the sound of that first cry from your baby-there is no beating it or describing that experience. It is powerful. My mom described it to me one time by saying that your children are your heart living outside of your body.

As for being able to stand kids - You may just be the type that can only stand to take care of your own kids. There are a lot of us out there that are like that simply because we raise our kids the way we want to and our kids react to us the way we have taught them to, making our kids the only ones we can stand!!!! LOL

As for patience - everybody struggles with that on various levels, but it is nothing to fear - it is something that gets better over time because it is that heart thing I described above. It just comes naturally for some when it comes to their own kids. Not always for someone elses kids, mind you. You just have a better understanding because you have your own kids, and understanding something makes you more patient when dealing with others kids. Make any sense? Patience can definitely be something that one has to learn as well, but what is going to motivate you better? Naturally, your child will. It is always good to learn to be more patient.

If you are feeling unworthy for some reason (my sister does for some of the weirdest things sometimes) DON'T. Dig down deep to the root of that feeling to determine WHY you feel that way. Maybe write it all down. That helps me think it all through and analize it. Talk to someone about it. Post something on it here so others who can relate can share, too or others who have been there and done that can give you some ideas/suggestions on dealing with those feelings. It is definitely not uncommon to feel like that - especially when it comes to having children.

There are some awesome points that I want to make about having kids.

No matter what, there will always be someone there in your life - they are your family and only family when everyone you know and hold dear starts to move into the next life. They can also become your best friends when they get older (well, my mom is my best friend besides my sister).

Having kids filled a spot in my heart and life. They keep me busy, entertained and I always feel loved. I can say that before I had kids, I had not totally experienced such unconditional love from another human being the way I have coming from my kids.

They are also great teachers, believe it or not. They teach you things about life and love and forgiveness that no one else can teach you.

I can go on and on...I want to leave some room for other peeps to comment, though.


I want to add this, too...

I had someone in the sixth grade as a guest speaker at my school and I never forgot her. She had an abortion and as a result, she could never have kids again because it messed her up inside really bad. She said that she wonders what her child would have looked like, had she kept it and what her child would have grown up to be, et cetera. She said it was the toughest decision she had ever made and will always live to regret.

My cousin had an abortion when she was young and it messed her up emotionally in HUGE proportions and ways. She still hasn't forgiven herself fo it and goes to counseling to this day about it.

My brother's girlfriend had an abortion unbeknown to him. She finally told him a few years later what she did and he has had a hard time dealing with it over the years.

I don't know if you believe in God or not. Even if you don't, I want to tell you that God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle. Things happen for a reason at the most perfect time according to His plan, whether we think so or not. He is not always about convenience. He is also there for you through it all. You can lean on Him, give Him all of you heavy burdens and find peace and joy.

In closing this I will say that the miracle of life is a blessing, whether it is viewed as a mixed one or not. Listen to your heart, not just your head when you make this decision because you are the one that has to live with both your head and heart and with whatever you decide. Realize that no matter how you look at it, the fate of this child's life is in your hands whether you terminate the pregnancy or see it through. Which one would you rather endure? Which one do you think you will enjoy the most? Benefit from the most?

I will end this now. It is just hard to because I am not sure I am done. LOL I guess if I am not I will just add to this thread later.

Anyhow, you take care, keep us posted, feel free to respond and God bless!!!!!!

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my post. I read them all with tears running down my face and I don't know where to begin with a response. I understand that it's hard to explain to me how things change once a child is born, but I really like how things are in my life right now. I made a major decision three years ago to quit my very secure job and move across the country to start my own business. It's been a huge struggle, but I'm finally starting to break even. I can't keep this business if I keep this child. I wish I had the love and emotions that you all have, having children. It's the selfishness again; I've worked so hard to get here, and have no clue what I will do if I have to sell.

Yes, I believe in God, and that's what makes this so much more difficult. This is also coming at a time where I've lost two very important things in my life (a cousin and a dog - don't laugh, I loved that dog more than life!), and I do firmly believe that things happen for a reason, and that He will look after me, regardless.

Oh, this is just so hard. 40! 40 years old and single and pregnant. I will keep you all posted and keep coming back here to read others' posts. I think it will help. Thank you all again for your wonderful words.

I am so sorry to hear about your cousin and your dog!!!!

My sister has a dog she absolutely adores (as if he was her child) and I understand how much it would hurt her to lose him if/when that happens.

Maybe you should think of the reasons God may have blessed you with this child. There are some big and obvious ones that you keep repeating over and over as to why you don't want this baby. Those may be the very reasons He has blessed you. He doesn't make mistakes.

He wants you to rely on Him and He wants to help you grow in Him. Maybe that is why you are where you are right now. Selfishness is not going to get you any closer to God or His divine plan for you.

Maybe God wants to be your God verses this business, if it is all consuming of your time and life.

If God is not first in your life (if you aren't making Him first, in other words) then you bet He is going to put some obstacles in your way to remind you who should be. He will call you to Him and if you don't hear Him, He will do something to make you hear Him loud and clear. Maybe He has done this so you would have to sell your business, work on your selfishness (because let me tell you - when you have children you learn to be selfless), and to work on your relationship with Him.

Maybe he really wants you to go a totally different direction in your life than the way you are going and this is the way He is communicating that.

I really have no idea. I am just another sister in Christ throwing out some ideas.

It is all just speculation - I am not God and I don't know what His plans are for anyone. I just roll with the punches and work with what He gives me when He gives things to me.

I do know that when I am not doing what He wants me to do He lets me know it. I also know that when I do what He wants me to do I have a much fuller and happier life. Reaping the benefits is the best part of obedience.

At minimum, I would pray about it.

I will pray for you and your little one, too.

Here is my e-mail address if you want to email someone and talk more privately about this with someone.

bethany-edwards@hotmail.com

Ok....let me post another reason....just cause I want to:

wow I just read all these posts and I had tears of joy running down my cheeks. I realize even though I am probably going to end up being a single mom I am so excited. I am not scared I am not angry or hurt with the father. I feel blessed with the gift of life from God. Especially with the little girl inside my belly. I am due June 26th. I definately don't feel alone especially with a group like this! And to whoever started this discussion I am only 19. Yes I have lots of support. But I am also a full time Medical Student! You can do it. I truely believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Goodluck and I hope you continue to pray on this.

Hi Rachel! welcome to the nuthouse..err..uhm Forum.

Congratulations, that's really close.

Hi Rachel! welcome to the Forum.

Hi, ohno, i just want to say that you are not the only one that has felt that way. Lots of people feel that way but are ashamed of saying anything because of the fact that once you say, "abortion" or terminating the pregnancy, people freak out. I, ohno, found out that i was pregnant four weeks ago, and at that time i was six months pregnant. I cried, and cried, i thought of my career, what would my parents think, and how can i do this. I wanted to end the pregnancy as well but i didnt i had no choice. To tell you the truth i felt the same way about kids as you did, i mean i liked little kids, but as long as they would go home later.That was my attitude. I like you ohno am single, the dad doesnt really care about me or the baby, as a matter of fact although he and I were boyfriend and girlfriend at the time, women, affairs, and his career are all that he can think about. I dont need that in my life, and not only that he is kinda "psycho". I am glad that i didn't terminate the pregnancy though, i have learned to love the little life that was sprouting quickly in my tummy. I am getting closer to seven months. Having her will be a beautiful thing. I am not gonna lie, though. I am scared big time, and cry often to think about what it's like to go through labor. I dont know if am gonna have the patience to be a mommy yet, and i think i will, but i am still confused about that. Luckily i have parents that are loving and are extremly excited to have their first grandbaby. I can say this ohno, i am not 39 or 40, i am only 24 years old, and reading your posting made me feel better as a matter of fact this site made me feel better, there are so many parents out there that have their fears, tears, joys, and reasons for their feelings. My reasons besides that i had no choice to terminate the pregnancy was that, the little life inside of me will one day look up to me (you) and say my mommy this or my mommy that to others. That baby will be there to put a smile on your face when you have a bad day, a hug and a scribbled picture of you and him or her under a scribbled yellow sun, and just provide you with the warmth of being a mommy. If you want to talk more privately, i will give you my email address or if you just want to chat on here that is fine. Lots of love to ya. fiveokitten@hotmail.com

Welcome 1sttimemom to the forum.

Congratulations! Keep us posted on how everything is going.