I need some advice. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my daughter's father has caused me nothing but pain. He calls and only upsets me, never asks how I'm doing, and is very selfish. He tells me he's the best thing that I'll never find someone to treat me better than him, and I was in the hospital last week with painful cramping and contractions and he got off the phone by saying have fun and didn't call me again for 3 days. He makes it seem like it's so important for him to be in the delivery room to welcome his daughter but I just don't feel like he's been supportive at all and this is a time especially when I need a lot of support. Am I taking something away from him by not letting him in there? Please give me some advice, I definitely need it!!

I think you can let him know it hurt your feelings when he said "have fun", and didn't call you for three days. Ask for an apology if you think you deserve one...

Put the ball in his court, give him the chance to act civil. If he refuses, you can (kindly, politely, nicely) let him know that when you go into labor, you need supportive people around you, and if he's going to be callous and insensitive, you will call him when you are done with your delivery.

Make it HIS choice. Either he chooses to treat you with respect, or he'll have to settle for photos and a video. And if he refuses to play nicely, then you probably don't want him there anyways.. If it's important to him, he'll make the right choice.

Every person on the face of this planet deserves to be treated with dignity and respect (even Saddam is treated kindly). You deserve no less. Let him know how it hurt your feelings!! But if you have a conversation about it, you have to treat him with the same respect you desire from him.

Another thought, maybe the "have fun" was a slip-up and a reflex when hanging up the phone???? I told my boss "luv you" once when I hung up the phone with him... Maybe he didn't mean it???

Shannon, I too am 35 weeks, alone, and dealing with an ex who doesnt want to be a dad. He wont be joining me during the delivery, but i will call him from the hospital. You need to worry about yourself, the baby, and make this the best experience for both of you. Find another coach, you dont need to be worrying about keeping him happy your the one who needs the suport, its all about you not him. If he cant be decent let him stay in the waiting room, its about what you deserve.

PS maybe the best thing for all of us is to find someone else that treats us better

Shannon,

I have a dad right now that can't even knowledge me or his baby that's due in December. He expects me to call around bars or to his X-wife's house to track him down. Hell no!! Sorry he can't take part in the prenancy he can't take part in the delivery. My mom who has been there and will continue to be there will be helping me deliver my new baby.

I was going to call and track him down once I had had the baby and got back onto my feet and tell him. You know what if he feels this is important than he will come to me. He knows the due date, my phone number and where I live.

HMCR is right you need to worry about yourself and the baby not everyone else. They are adults they can worry about what they are doing. Make him sit in the hard cold chair while you are in a nice soft comfy bed! L.

I wish you the best of luck in your delivery. Your're right HMCR we need to find men that know how to treat us right. SIGH - where are they thou!

SPIRIT

i wish i knew spirit. My good friend called me last night she is a single mom of twin girls. she was married, then she went through hell to get pregnant and once she did he started being there less and less, she threw him put when they were 3 mos they are 3yrs now he also has a kid from a first marriage, so he has support to pay for the first and her two, and he isnt paying a cent, and he called her friday to let her know hes expecting his 4th this week with his girlfriend, hes homeless, in recovery etc and keeps making babies, and i think i got it bad

my ex will get a call and if he chooses to come to the hospital fine, if not then the support papers are being mailed out and i guess the next time i see him will be in a court room.

I'm due in December and I have no intention of involving my ex. He is an abusive alcholic who only liked to hurt me. He was always plain mean to me on the phone about the baby, sounding like yours. But my ex has a daughter and loves to play the great dad roll. He is NOT. Long story but anyone who would do the things he did, well he's a jerk. I told him to stay away from us. He seems to like the not having to pay child support. I don't want anything from him, or his name on my childs birth certificate. You want your childs birth to be the best experience of your life. He has not earned the right to be there, By treating you like crap. And what if you had gone into labor when you were in the hospital. He said have fun, you think he would have rushed on down. please. My advise, don't let him ruin it. Surround yourself with poisitve people for you and your daughter. You wont be keeping him from his childs birth he kept himself. Remember he is acting this way not you.

I would offer to call him when you are in recovery. I just had my little girl. I let the dad come after a lot of soul searching because he had treated me poorly. I made him stay in the waiting room but let him come back several times and tired to be civil. when it was time to push I asked him to leave and get my mom and grandmothers ( who were going to be there for the birth) he got them and then disobeyed hospital orders and came back anyway. I told him he needed to leave and he didnt until the nurse made him. He stayed until she was born, looked at her through the window and left. I do not regret having him at the hospital, because I feel I tried. But I would not allow him in the delivery room.

I was in the same place you girls are,10 years ago,and I definately know how you feel.For nine months all I could think about was should I or shouldn't I ,should I let him in delivery,should I put his name on the birth certificate,should I even call him when I went into labor.I think this should be a special time for you and your child and he'd wanted to be a part of the delivery then he should have been a part of the pregnancy too.My sons dad was called when I was in labor and he waited in the waiting room then came back to see me after I was taken to a room,the baby was kept in the nursery so he could only see him through the glass.I didn't put his name on the birth certificate either because we never discussed it and I figured I would be raising him mostly alone so he should have my name.In a way I regret not letting him come back when I was in the labor room and then again after the baby was born so he could hold him.Maybe a bond would have been formed and my son would have a real father now.But,I'll never know now.To Laura,I agree,he hasn't earned the right to be there,he should go through the whole pregnancy with you,not just the end.I don't know if you have other kids but,if not,I hope you know how hard it will be without child support,I don't get any either,it is so difficult to make ends meet and you can't qualify for help unless you turn him in for child support.It's the good and the bad,good that you don't have to put up with him and bad that you have to struggle for everything alone.Good luck to all of you.

Hoe dare he tell you have fun! I can't belive that insensitive butthole. You should ananlyze the situation in its entirety are his actions deserving does he act like the father or just one of your not so close "friends" i believe they are called acquaintances I think 35 weeks is long enough to see if he is worthy enough to witness the birth of his daughter and if he isnt don't waste your energy on worrying about his feelings it didnt seem that he was worried about yours you should concentrate on having your baby and then after you and the baby are feeling well enough to accept company at home call hin up and invite him over just like you would an acquaintance.

If my reply sounds harsh please forgive me I am just really fed up with the ignorance of men today and what really bothers me is how the clueless men act as if they have the answers to everyfreikingthing! My babys father number one on that extremely long list

I would tell him he can come into the delivery room on the condition that your allowed to kick him in the groin everytime you have a contraction. I know my labor went on for 30 hours. Thats a lot of kicks.

Mine was almost 52 hours.Wish I'd thought of the groin kicking method then,I bet that would have helped my labor pains almost as much as the epaderal.lol

Shnikies! 52 hours! (waves arms and bows down on knees)How long did you wait before the epi?

I love the groin kick method. Is it to late to try it. My little girl is six weeks.