Before I begin I would like to thank everyone for their advice on my last post.

This post is more of a vent then anything. I just don't know what else to do, but complain. I hope this is okay.

Well I'm 5 month prego now, and I am soooo frustrated, i feel like throwing my hands up in the air and giving up. I cannot understand how so many women do it, how everyone here on this site does it? And I know I can't quit, but I'm tired, I'm frustrated and so burnt out. I try to tell myself that things could be worse, I try to remind myself that I am not the only person whos ever done this, that I should be thankful that I am in the position I am in. BUT Im frustrated.

The pregnancy hasn't been an easy one,Throwing up 8-10 times a day during the 1st trimester, still throwing up in the 2nd. having pains on the sides that stop me in my tracks and sometimes even makes me throw up because the pain is so bad (the doctor just tells me I am ok that i just happened to have a worse case scenario) I Can't sleep at all at night...but again it could be worse.

What I hate is that the father of the child is a coward and I have to see him everyday at work. I have to hear him flirt with other women in the office, hear about his nights out with others from coworkers who have no idea about the situation, hear about his new girlfriend - see him smile and pretend that I am not carrying his child. I cannot believe I ever was interested in him. Sometimes I daydream of things I could do to him to make him pay for his cowardness. LIke tell his girlfriend. send a letter to his parents, who by the way are supposively socialite, though i never met them, and tell them I'm carrying his child. Call up a couple of my rough neck boys to break his knee caps in. - is this wrong? NOt that I would ever actually do this, its just frustrating that he is not having to go through what I go through. Though it is all his fault. I made damn sure he had a condom on the night of the conception and his stupid *** didn't tell me he took it off halfway through it. Its a longer story how he did that and how I didn't notice...Dang him.

My family have disowned me. My brother, has said the most unbelievable stuff to me that NO MAN should ever say to a woman, let alone his own sister.

& MY two best friends live so far away that I feel so lonely. Living by myself doesn't help either.

I worry about whos going to go with me to my classes in September, WHO's even going to take me to the hospital when I give birth, and how the heck am I going to be able to pay my bills when I leave for maternity leave. How am I going to take care of a baby ALL BY MYSELF? And when I go back to work how am I going to manage working 60 + hours and how am I going to pay for day care?

And then I look at my apartment. My tiny little one bedroom apartment and wonder, how can I take care of a baby here? I am so tired all time from working so much and being pregnant. My apartment is a freaking mess, I haven't vacuumed in weeks, and desperately need to go grocery shopping. THEN I start to worry again and think, if I can barely keep my apartment up while I am pregnant, how the heck am I going to be able to do it when the baby is here?

Then I start to worry about the baby... Did I make the right decision bringing a baby in this world, under the conditions I live in and knowing that he or she will not know his or her father, not knowing who her/his family is?

BUT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH THIS. I SHOULD BE THANKFUL that its not worse. There are so many other women in the world who's had to do this and in tougher situations. So who am I cry over this spilled milk?

For anyone who is actually reading this, this far, I am not looking for an answer to all my questions and frustration. I know there is no answer that can give me what I need. I guess what I am just looking for is a sign that I will be alright. I know I shouldn't be this way as feeling like this cannot be good for my baby. I dunnno.

Im just frustrated, tired and so burnt out and do really feel like giving up, though I know I really can't.

Thank you for listening to me.

You are definetly not alone. My situation is very similar to yours and I know its hard. My best advice to you is to take care of yourself and your baby. Do everything you can to better yourself. Personally, I like to do things for me like get my hair done, buy some new clothes... This guy sounds like a real jerk that is for sure. However, having said that he should still be held liable to finacially support you and your baby. You should look into any support programs or government funding. You may even be able to consult a lawyer just to know what options you have available. I know what your going through, and its not easy at all. BUt know your not alone. The love of my life left me a month ago and Im 6.5 months pregnant Try to keep in touch with any family or friends right now if they are supportive of you. Right now for me, its them that I can count on most to help me through and this site is amazing also.

Good luck to you and try your best to look after you and your baby.
Natty

quote:

Originally posted by pursuitofhappyness:
I know there is no answer that can give me what I need. I guess what I am just looking for is a sign that I will be alright. I know I shouldn't be this way as feeling like this cannot be good for my baby. I dunnno.

You are absolutely right. There is no answer that is going to take your worrying away. We can say you will be alright all day, everyday - and wew ould be right. BUT - you are the only one that can make the decision to not worry about it anymore. And for your own sake - please do! Pregnancy can be such a wonderful time. There will be so many opportunities for worrying in the future. When they get their first fever, when they are cutting teeth, when they go to Kindergarten, when they get picked on, when they go to High School - college, get married, etc. One thing parents need to learn is that worrying never makes the situation better and only hurts us. The sooner we learn that the better.

You WILL be okay. Your family amay or may not come around. They are dissappointed. And that is okay. Probably is not the first time you have dissappointed them. Most likely will not be the last if you are anything like me. But just like you and I had to adjust to the idea that we would be raising these little ones ourselves, they have to adjust too. And everything you are woorying about - they worry about too. I know it hurts, but try not to be too hard on them. Single parenting is hard and I am sure they are pretty worried about you.

Suggestion about the father: Go talk to someone about filing for child support as soon as you can. There is paperwork you can get done before the birth. That way, if he is going to require a paternity test - everything is ready for you to prove he has responsibility in helping you. The best way to get back at anyone is to not make a big deal and act vindictively. Simply make him do what he needs to do. Look at it this way - at least you know he has a job and has the resources!

Things are going to be fine. I know it is overwhelming but things will work themselves out. Worrying never makes that process go better. You being in peace is what matters most right now. Even if it means just walking down the street and sitting at a park in the summer sun, get out of the house and relax.

We are here to listen when you are celebrating or complaining. The board is meant for both!

Jeanne

Pursuit... I couldn't agree more on what the other posters have said.

I can really sympathize with you being alone and without family support. there has been soooo many times when I find myself overwhelmed and in a rut.

What inspires to strive for a life I want to have for me and my children has actually been other women who have climbed out of adversity and/or tragedy on their own accord.

I can wallow in sorrow all day and get nothing done, but I have learned to manage my thoughts that will empower me instead of keep me back. (most of the time anyway)

Anyhow, Dave Ramsey (commentator) has a good finacial/money management plan aimed for people who are the head of the household. I could PM you his website.

((about babies---they don't really know about other bedrooms until they learn to walk . Maybe that will buy you some time you need))

Pursuit..the only one that has the answers for your questions is you. Look inside and you will find what you need. It's not easy, but it can be done and you will be a better person for it.

Great advice above re: getting ppwk in order, etc. Also, check in your local area for programs that help pregnant women...in MA they have WIC (women, infant, children)...they give you checks for milk, eggs, peanut butter, formula, etc.) Great program and helps ends get a little closer...this program runs until the child is 5 in MA....check in your state..

Good luck and keep your chin up...

Caitlin

quote:

cannot believe I ever was interested in him. Sometimes I daydream of things I could do to him to make him pay for his cowardness. LIke tell his girlfriend. send a letter to his parents, who by the way are supposively socialite, though i never met them, and tell them I'm carrying his child. Call up a couple of my rough neck boys to break his knee caps in. - is this wrong

be careful about stirring the pot. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree and the last thing you need is your child's grandparents on your case w/o your own family support.

The sweetest and bestest of all revenge, is to become successful in life.

Hi Pursuit,
I too was in your shoes at one point. I know how you feel, it's hard to be pregnant and alone. I understand your worries, I had the same... How to get to the hospital, How humiliating it will be to be giving birth alone, Wanting to hurt your ex badly, Shopping alone in the baby section while watching the other couples holding hands... I have felt those pains.

Thrust me, it may seem like your world is ending, but it is really a beginning. The pain you're currently going through will soon be a thing of the past, but the baby you are carrying will be there to cherish and love for a lifetime. My son is not even two year old; yet, that pain seems a lifetime away.

Having been there, I can say that the worst thing you can do is non-stop thinking about the sorrows of your life. Try to keep your mind occupied by reading, going for walks... When you feel like crying, cry, but always remember that you are stronger than your pain.

About the tiny appartment... Will living in a big house make you a more loving and caring parent? Love can never be materialized.

You WILL be o.k.