Well, I've been on here nearly daily reading posts and learning everything I can. This site is definately something that helps me pass through each day, sometimes I don't know what I would do without this site. But tonight, I have some thoughts of my own to post. Some of my fears, and resentments. Just stuff I need to get off my chest. I'm nearly 19 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I just started being able to feel the baby kick about a week or so ago. It was the most wonderful moment of my life. Yet in the back of my mind was the thought, why isn't he here beside me, going through this with me? Me and the father of my baby split up not long after finding out I was pregnant. Every momentous thing that's happened (night sickness, crying for no reason, first time to hear the heartbeat, ultra sound, first kick) I've been alone on. And I just can't help thinking, he's supposed to be here. He should be experiencing this with me. I'm getting over the father more and more every day, and soon I'll be filing for annulment, but it seems like the further along I get, the more I think about the fact that he should be there. And now lately, my biggest fear is that my precious baby boy is going to come out looking exactly like his father. How can I deal with that? Having to see the same smile, the same eyes every day? The father is no good and I'm thankful most day he doesn't want anything to do with this baby. But for the rest of the time.....Does it get easier? Is there some way to deal with the thoughts of the fact that the father should be able to at least know about what's happening with his baby???

I am not going to lie. The first couple of weeks after I had my first I cried often when I looked at her. I loved her more than anything in the world, but she looked just like her daddy. And he was in prison. After awhile though, when they start to develop their own personalities, you start to see them only as them. Even now 6 years later, Simone will say something that sounds like him or make a face that looks like his, and it hurts, for a second and then it is gone. But hurting helps me to not make the same mistakes and the memories help me to count my blessings. you never know, the baby may look more like you.

I started writing a journal, most times it reads more like a letter to the father, telling him things of my pregnancy and later, when baby was born, just stuff like what he ate, when which tooth came, just crap like that. I added some photos too and I continue to this day (well, not as much any more now)...there are over 100 pages.
It helps get the stuff out, it gives you the illusion he's actually sharing your daily life...
And 2 years later I actually sent him the book, the first part of it. He had another baby, and told me, and when I asked him 'would he want the scrap book/journal' he said 'yes'. I had offered before but he was not interested, but I believe he was able to relate much better with his new baby around...But that's another story.
And yes, boys look exactly like their father when they're little, and mine even has some 'ways' his father has...crazy stuff, like, he looks just as stupid when he watches TV, LOL...No way to escape that, in the beginning chances are he will 'be' his father exactly. But that changes when they get older. And what's the importance of looks anyways ?! You can make him a better person by your education.