Hi all, I haven't posted in awhile. Lawyers, guns and money....mainly lawyers and money.

Hopefully this bump in the road will be over soon and my 4 yr old DD and I can get on with our lives. My situation is that I filed for divorce and relocation in 09/04. This is going to trial but I'm trying to determine what my next career should be and would appreciate some imput from anyone.

I had my DD when I was 42 yrs old and had had a 16 year career as a research associate in pharmaceuticals and then a 2.5 year position as a unix systems administrator.

I was allowed to be a SAHM because we had been together for 15 years but only married for 3.5 years (equates to financial stability). I was too liberal minded about getting married unless a child was involved and only got married to make sure that she would be provided for in case something should happen to either one of us. BTW I will be getting sole physical custody (another story for another day).

I'm not going to go into the details of being gaslighted and betrayed it's done and over with and I want to get on with my life.


I now find myself trying to figure out what career path to take so that I can provide for my DD and myself. I'm not sure if I will get relocation or will have to stay here; it's up to the judge to decide that one.

So enough rambling, my question is what careers do you have as a single parent that allow you to be there for your child but yet provide enough income to support minimal needs?

If I'm not making myself clear please let me know and ask any questions. I'm in a quandry right now because where I live currently is too expensive (New England) and where I want to relocate to would be easy to afford.

Thanks for your time.

I wish I could suggest something but I cant work .Good luck and I hope things become better for you and you daughter.Hugs and prayers.

Thanks LA for responding. I've been following your story and my heart and prayers are with you.

supplied-I'm not sure I could help with a suggestion here. The careers you had previously I would have thought would have been M-F daytime jobs. Is that not the case? I work as an office manager M-F 8:00-5:00 and it provides for a little more than minimal living as long as I get the child support from my ex. Your daughter has a couple more years before she goes to school, so you would have to consider daycare. Would you be eligible for assistance for child care? Just some questions/ideas I had. I hope they help.

Hi netsurfr, thanks for your reply. I realized after I posted my initial post that I should have explained my concerns about my 2 previous career choices.

They are supposed to be M-F, 9-5 jobs but are not in reality. I spent 16 years working 6 to 7 days/week, 12 hours/day as a research associate. The IT job was a job that had me working just about the same hours. Sometimes I'd be at work for 72 hours straight fixing issues with servers. Those schedules work if you don't have a child.

Now I could go and get a job again in the research field and make it a M-F, 9-5 job. I'm not sure if I could get promoted to a position that would pay enough to support us, especially in NE where the rent on a 2 bdrm apt is $1300/month. Too many variables involved and the biggest one is that I have no family or friends to help me out if I get in a jam.

I'm currently working on getting my DD in kindergarten for the 2006/2007 school year since her b-day is 9-10-01. I might be able to skate in under the wire there. That's research in progress currently. So I'm not too worried about Day Care full days right now.

After rereading your post I realized that I can't go back but must move forward and do the best I can to provide for my DD in whatever situation I'm given by the judge. Thanks again.

Well, I wish you lots of luck supplied. It isn't easy, but you are not alone. Whenever you want to vent, get encouragement, find comfort, or just want to laugh, come be a part of the family that understands what you are going through.

it is easy with teens. Can you get a job where you work mostly at home, web design, something of that nature.

Hi Paul. Yeah, I wish I had the left brain power for web design. I'm more of the right brain type - too much past analytical work. My poor daughter asks a simple question and I take it to the molecular level...j/k.

I guess I'm trying to figure out what jobs are flexible enough for single parents to be able to be there for their children for illnesses or school activities.

I guess that I'll try the return to research field and see if I can make ends meet. Also, since I'm waiting to find out if I can relocate or not has me sitting in a holding pattern (14 months so far) and a glimmer of the end is in sight by the end of this year.

I was just trying to gain some insight into how some members have successfully navigated their way to a career after being a SAHM.

Thanks again for your thoughts.

Ok, supplied01, I think I'm following your thread, but don't understand a few of your word shortcuts. Maybe I'm just a little slow. First of all, what is a DD? Darling daughter? And, what is SAHM? Just let me know.

As for career choices, that's not a question anyone can help you with. I'm 44 years old with a 7 year old. I'm a bookeeper for a construction company. Not by choice, but mainly what I've done most of my life. Unless you want to do daycare out of your house, I'm really not sure what field you could get into that gives you the flexibility of being there for your child, and earns you enough income to live. It's a struggle alot of us face every day. My employer is sort of flexible, whereas she lets me come in a little later, after I get my daughter on the bus. But, I stay a half hour later to make it up. Then I pick my daughter up at after school care, where she is taken by bus right after school lets out. It's a long day for her. She's been in daycare since six weeks after the day she was born. It hasn't been easy juggling taking care of her, and trying to keep a good job. Mine pays well, but not enough for a single parent to make it on their own. I depend on child support from her lunatic father, which is another story in itself. I just applied online to Lowe's stores. There's one they are starting to build right in my neighborhood. I got a call back on my home phone when I got home from work, wanting to set up an interview. So far, so good. I had put on my application that I wanted $50,000.00 to start, and they still called, so who knows? I'll call them Monday and see what they have to say. I also sent my resume' out to a headhunter for a Full charge bookkeeping job for a construction company. They called me back, but I haven't had a chance to call them. My problem is this. I am squeaking by as it is, and I mean squeaking. My office I work for now is pretty lax, and I don't have to wear suits or skirts, which is good, because I don't fit into alot of my old suits, and I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe for a new job. All my extra money goes into getting my daughter new clothes. So, there's always an obstacle. I know I got off on a tangemt, but honestly, what you did for a living, even though there are alot of hours involved, sounds like a career that would pay pretty well. Oh, and I went to school for computer graphics and web design. I'm fairly knowledgeable with computers, was able to take my talent for art to the computer. Problem? Any job for web design I would go for, would be entry level, and there are soooooo many artistic people out there, that the field is very competitive. I have my own site, which I try to update now and then. One day I would love to to web design as a career, but, there's just no time to keep up with it and enhance my skills while working full time and raising a child by myself. I wish I had a magic answer for you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Stay At Home Mom

Sales... what about pharmaceutical sales? I'm sure you could easily make your way into that.

I was doing yellow page advertising sales back in MA and did well enough to live fairly comfortably yet get to the school functions -- even volunteer and make it to all the daytime appointments along with sneaking in errands. It was hectic but definitely the best option I could find being a single mom.

I just moved up to ME and will start a new job a week from Monday... I hopefully have been clear enough that I plan to do most of my work from home and independently... it is the same sort of thing advertising sales for an internet publication this time around though.

I have a pharmaceutical sales interview lined up, too -- you can make a lot of money doing that but it does mean being out of the home a bit more.

Where are you in MA?

The other nice perk for me with sales was I was able to get out and talk to other adults, a lot of socializing involved -- which makes it more fun.

Pooker, I noticed in your post, that you mentioned that you were hesitant about pursuing the headhunter job, because of possible clothing requirements. Last year, I lost 20 pounds in a month and all my clothes hung or fell off me. I had no choice, I had to get a new wardrobe for fall/winter. I went to the goodwill and got 7 complete outfits for around $50. I did the same when I needed to get a spring/summer wardrobe, because fortunately I had not gained my weight back. I only shop for clothes for myself on their half price day, which around here is the 3rd Saturday of the month. Thought you could use the info so you wouldn't feel so hesitant. Good luck with your interviews.

supplied-are you looking to go to work before you find out about relocation or after. If not settled until the end of the year, you have a long wait. I hope your research pans out well for you. I'm wishing you lots of luck. By the way, I have a sister who lives in MA. She's always telling me how expensive everything is. Her standard of living is better than mine, though, and where I live the cost of living isn't considered high, but we pay a lot of taxes. So I think there are problems everywhere.

quote:

Originally posted by supplied01:
[qb]especially in NE where the rent on a 2 bdrm apt is $1300/month.[/qb]

Jeez...my tenants are only paying $800 for their 2BR...I better raise their rent It is in a less desirable part of MA though...

I was able to be a stay at home dad for around 15 months. The rent I got from the upstairs apt (I was renting the 3br at the time, and got $1000 rent) covered most of my mortgage. I was a grad student at UMass as my official Occupation, but that required so few hours away from home (~15/wk). Being a student did make me elligible for scholarships and student loans, however, which were crucial for not working during that time. Finishing my MS also made the blank space in my resume look better, and raised my salary when I got rehired. The time that I got to spend with my son those months was amazing, and the effect it had on his behavior was amazing too. I fully intend to do this one more time before my son is grown.

I've done some other things to handle the single parent schedule. I cut my hours to 30/wk before. I worked from home before. I'm an electrical design engineer, and my work isn't exactly suited to working from home, but I've been lucky to find a company that is willing to work with me (and I've also had to do things to motivate them to help me). Right now, I take me son into work with me at 7AM, where he does HW and eats breakfast. His school is right next to my job, so I drive him there at 8AM, and then I can pick him up at 4PM. As your kid gets older, it'll be easier and easier to fit your work inside their school schedule (especially if you sign them up for afterschool activities).

Anyway...hope that helped...

Where are you planning to move to? Is the father involved with the child?

Later,
Bobby

Bobby, I think $1300 is closer to the norm, around where I was anyway and north south and east of there... not sure about westLOL