Does anyone suffer from what I do? Single parent� Go to work at full time job come home and work 8 more hours??? And the cycle keeps on going and going!! It seams like all I do is work, I�m not trying to be a wine-r but the work never ends.
I have no time for friends or myself! Every once in awhile I�ll go and have a few beers with my mom to hash things out and get advice? That�s the most exciting thing I ever get to do. The kids (11 & 9) eat up all of my time; don�t get me wrong, I love them! But when will MY life ever matter? All I really need is someone to talk to other than my mom? (God bless her however)! Any body relate to this?

Heh...I'm pretty sure that all single parents suffer from what you do to some extent. These boards are great for finding other people to talk to, many of whom have felt just as you describe.

Do your children get visitation with their father? The two weekends that little Bobby visits his mother are the time that I get for "me", although usually I end up spending it catching up on work.

I noticed in your profile that you had your kids pretty young (I made mine at 18). I think that factors into some of how you feel, as you never really had a time during your adult life in which your life is the one that mattered.

Finally, keep in mind that kids do grow up and your indepedence is inevitable! But you know what when they move out you'll probably miss the time when you were so busy working for your kids...

Big Bobby, your words of just affirmation made feel like I may have a light at the end of my tunnel. Thanks!
I do know that someday I�ll miss everything I do today but, the one and only thing that bothers me is the world! What if I�m not preparing them to survive in it? God knows that things can get bad and if I don�t teach them how to handle problems, then they�ll end up suffering through them just as I do. I guess that is my focus on a day-to-day basis. Keep providing them the knowledge to succeed in ways that I didn�t.
My kids don�t have a father that they can go with on the weekends so I�m pretty screwed there.
They do however have the option of hanging out with my brother but he doesn�t have patients for kids I guess you could say!
That�s the only outlet I ever see, I guess I should consider using that time to go meat new people, but where?
Anyways, that�s for the words of encouragement.

quote:

Originally posted by meam_mom_06:
[qb]They do however have the option of hanging out with my brother but he doesn�t have patients for kids I guess you could say![/qb]

lol...so you're saying that he doesn't accept kids with medical problems?

OK...I'll stop being the grammar nazi

quote:

[qb]Anyways, that�s for the words of encouragement.
[/qb]

No problem, they were free and pretty much just the truth.

About the kids growing up and how well you're raising them, you can only try to do your best for so many years...statistically they're probably going to live a long and eventful life. LOL...considering they're gonna grow up in MN, they're almost guaranteed to have a wonderful life compared to 80% of the rest of the planet...so stop worrying!

Hah...but I also bet that worrying, helps make them more likely to live long and happy. I noticed another post about discipline. Do you know what I do with my 11yo? I sit him down and I look at him in the face, and I explain things until he understands why he's in trouble. LOL...usually he's mad in the beginning, and won't listen...but when he realizes I'm willing to push back dinner, not let him go somewhere he wants to go, or be late to school/work...he eventfully discusses things until he sees why his actions need to (and can) change...

Heh...I make sure that I'm calm and quiet even if he's angry and loud, however; my goal is to bring the situation down to an understanding. Sometimes, I turn out to be wrong too! Sometimes it's a misunderstanding, sometimes I was being too hard on him, sometimes I was angry about something else...those times I try to admit my part and what I'll change.

Anyway...this works best for my son now. As he grew up, I used spanking, writing sentences, losing free time, and other things as punishments. Now he's at the point where he knows right from wrong and can understand reason, but he's still a kid so I can pretty much control the discussion

Anyway...I gotta go work outside for awhile...

Later,
Bobby

Holy cr@p...one more thing...how old are you? 28? You will be 37 when you kids are fully grown!

Do you know how much life there is after 37? We are in the odd group of people that are going to start experiencing kid-tirement before we're 40! That group has never really existed before, but I think it'll be fun. Oh, previous generations had their kids raised before they were 40 I guess, but life spans were way different back then. Hah...given the choice, I would easily pick being kidless ages 18-28 instead, but still it should be fun at ages 37 to infinity...

Yeah, being 28 really has its advantages considering the ages of the kids, I do see that as they grow so does my freedom, and knowing that I will someday be able to have a little bit of freedom and come and go as I please. But living in the present moment, I need to have some idea on how to cope! Things aren�t as bad as I think they are but if I don�t step up to the plate each and every day to take on the challenges of parenting then things could go from bad to worse in a matter of seconds, and that�s the part that�s exhausting! Everyday there is issues and problems and challenges that take most or all of my energy and then there�s no energy left for ME! Not just with the kids but even with other people that are in my life that aren�t necessarily helping the situation and actually making it worse. Ever feel like packing things up and moving away to start over. I think I�m headed in that direction if things don�t start getting better! I know I cant run from my problems but there�s got to be a solution!

quote:

[qb]Ever feel like packing things up and moving away to start over[/qb]

Heh...well then, move to Massachussetts and we can help each other out Lol...I'm kidding, but check out my Single Parent Commune posts...I have all kinds of ideas/fantasies as to how single parents could help each other.

You so right about the unrelenting schedule. I mean, when everything's going right I can do a good job raising little Bobby, taking care of the house, and my job. But add something else into the mix, like getting sick or a snow day or etc....everything becomes a mess. If there was another person, however, who could help ease the load when it temporarily got to be too much...and would in return I'd ease their loads eased when it temporarily got to be too much...it could make this single parenting thing *so* much easier...

Heh...I guess a lot of people have family that helps them with these things, but I'm not one of them (and it sounds like you aren't either). My family tends to be more of a burden on me than a help...

Anyway...hopefully I didn't freak you out with my Commune comment/link...

Later,
Bobby

I don�t know if Massachusetts is the place I had in mind! ;-)
I�m sure that wherever or whenever I decide to go, I will meat new people and be able to have a different perspective on things.
I better just figure a way to get through each day (Today) and not worry about tomorrow. That�s the key I think, to just focus on what we can do today! Hey even if our kids do turn out all messed up! At least we�ll know that we actually tried and cared because for those parents who just don�t give a damn about their kids have it real bad and their kids turning out to be real bad! The worst I see my kids doing is the common average typical things that we all did growing up. And we all turned out FINE! (or at least OK) We need to stop dwelling on our problems and enjoy everyone in our lives because that�s all we got!
You know the news story about the teenager who killed his parents because he was mad that they said �no� to something, so he just cold-blooded killed them? How do we prevent this? Sorry! I worry all the time about everything (even in my sleep I�m worrying)

hi! yeah! work at work and work at home!

I am a new single fahter. My wife moved out a couple of weeks ago (with a 21 day notice). She preffers that our 7 y.o. girl (Maria) stays with me. On top of that, the soon to be ex is planning to move overseas and leave maria with me (good for maria and me! but very very scary perspective).

Now this is me: 33 y.o grad student from south america, living in the US for 3.5 years now. Almost done with my program... till 3 weeks ago!

I got an extra job (statistical consultant internship) to increase the household income now that my wife left. I have a lot of work to do for my program plus this new job I do at home (thanks GOD!)... I work after I put Maria in her bed, read a book and tell story about our homeland.

Yesterday, friday night I went to bed 2:30 AM in the morning, today will be the same.

I am a statistician, so I put the computer to work and do the dishes, mop the flor, do the laundry, read about single parenting (post here), etc... this is my life at home.

The days that my wife takes maria with her I stay at home catching up with my projects (thesis)... but I have already decided that I have to re assess my goals for graduation...

So here I am: single father all of a suden, taking care of a little girl, helping her to cope with the new life that she is getting, and very little social life.

My friends here are all international grad students that are married, they are friends with my wife too (also grad student) so it feels weird to meet them and meet my wife in the events they organize.

I came to America with a cute little family and a dream of getting a PhD... Now, here I am trying to figure out how to finish my program, keep my sanity and make my daughter smile...

and the three tasks are so so hard on their own... set aside to do the three at the same time!

still, I have hope that I'll overcome the difficulties. it is just a matter of perseverance and... work, work, work, work.

OK, my analysis program just stopped, have to go back to my "work" ;^)