Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Working Full Time New and could use advice|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
|
I am New to SFV |
Hello to all. My name is Melissa and I am so glad I found this site. I am at a time in my life when I am so emotionally and physically drained, and I am only 29 years old. I have a remarkable 10 year old daughter. We left the area where her father lives 2 years ago, he was always between girlfriends, myself included, and enough was enough. He spent zero time with his daughter and paid zero dollars for her support. We have not spoken since, he lives in South Carolina. It did, ofcourse, affect her a great deal the first year, wondering why. I just let her know that we have each other and it is his loss. Now, two years later and several court appearances later, I am yet again, having to go to court. I recieve food stamps, medicaid (for her), and child care assistance. Every other month, DSS sends me a letter telling me that I have to reapply for child support, keep in mind that I have to apply for child support seperately for medical (which there is a court order for support on that one) and now gotta apply again for child care assistance. I have gone to court 6 times and he has yet to show. The court claims that they delivered the summons to him(actually a sheriff did), but never seem to do anything about it. Anyways, here I am, sitting wondering how I am gonna make any ends meet. I work full time at a day care center, so basically I am a single mom with absolutely no support or "time" for me, and am a "mom" to 8 infants in my classroom. I am on the verge of losing my apartment and not sure what to do. I supposedly make to much money for the state to help me keep my apartment. My credit is shot from being what I am. And, what really bothers me is that he sits in Myrtle Beach, SC living it up. NO financial worries. I am sick most of the time, from the stress levels I am under. There is no part of my life that is not stressful. My sister tells me that I just enjoy worrying. No, I really get tired of it. I talk to my dr. and they don't understand the stress I am under. Oh well. Deal with it. I thought life was supposed to be enjoyable. I truly do not enjoy any part of life anymore. I love my daughter and she is the only thing that is worth anything. No, not suicidal. Would never do that to her. Just hate life. NO money, NO life, and No positive. Anyone please explain to me why life has to be so bad. What am I doing wrong. Every time I think I am making progress with money or work, I go right back in the hole. Tired of it. Would like one day to go by without a worry of money.
|
||
|
|
"Sigh. I love this place." Lively & Zealous Parent |
Hi, Melissa. First off, was the child support originated in SC?? If it was, then the state seems to be a slacker when it comes to enforcing child support. I'm from SC and have been through it. If NY has a stronger system, transfer the case. Especially if they garnish wages no matter what. (VA does)
After that, as far as your expenses are concerned, how is the cost of living where you are? Can you move somewhere and live cheaper for the time being? Why did you feel it necessary to leave SC? I'm moving back in a few weeks because the cost of living is so much lower than here in Richmond, VA and I can more easily get state assistance. In VA, I make too much money even without the child support, and with CS, I still can barely make my bills. Financially, SC is a better option. Emotionally as well- my family is there, and for me, there is no better "therapy" than that. Instead of just "dealing with" the stress, try to figure out where it is coming from and be proactive about changing that. And, if you are a Christian (don't be offended if you're not) then put your faith in God. He will provide if you give him all you have... that's all he wants. Good luck and before I forget.... :welcome: |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
Sorry it has been a while. Been busy and stressed. Thanks for responding. I first off, would like to say that the child suppport orders are all here in NY. We left Myrtle Beach because my daughter needed our family. I guess I did too. The cost of living is average here. I have, for today, a 2 bedroom townhouse which is $500 plus all utilities. Which I hate to say the electric bill has been $230 per month. That with plastic on the windows. Thank goodness that the winter is over. I had a great roommate who was from Rock Hill. We were roommates in Myrtle Beach. Anyways, not sure what the state will do. Hope they help me when I get the eviction notice. Landlord does not accept partial payments. Unbelievable. I moved in here and nothing was done. I mean, I guess I should have asked more questions, a friend moved from this apartment to another, and I assumed, never assume anything, that they would atleast clean the carpets and paint the walls. They did nothing to prepare this place. I do not even have screens on my windows. How horrible. I later, after reading the lease, saw that they covered themselves in the lease by writing that you are renting "as is". Yet, I could be charged if they come in and see this place in the shape it is in. I want to atleast clean the carpets. They are so gross, I am kinda a neat freak so this place drives me nuts. Anyways, thanks for writing and hope more do.
|
|||
|
|
"Board Blazen Parent" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
Hey Melissa,
I understand where you are with money. First thing I want you to do is go to the library and rent "Total Money Make Over" by Dave Ramsey. It is a wonderful book that tells you how to get out of debt and help you budget. It is very easy to read and quite funny at times. There is another book called "48 days to the Work you Love" I don't remember the auther off hand, but another excellent book. Chin up things will get better if you take the steps. One day at a time and always thinking of the future. I know things are tough and you can make it through this. Lots of prayers. |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I appreciate you writing. I wish I could just let things happen and not worry so much, but I can't do that. If we get the eviction notice, then I have no where to go. I am so tired of trying. I try so hard to budget, but there is never enough money for it all. I cut out all unnecessary expenses, while keeping things like cable and internet use, just to have something to enjoy. Life is not good right now. I tell myself how much I hate it before bed and found myself waking up this morning saying, "I really hate my life". I feel like crying and find myself calling myself names in my head. I refer to myself as "loser and worthless" and know darn well that is not totally true. I know that is not how my daughter sees me. She sees someone I just don't. I try to hang in there. I wish I could afford a decent place. I never should have moved here, I know that. I signed a lease which this is only the 3rd month. So, not sure what will happen there. I cannot afford it. Rent this month with late fees is now $575. Gotta pay the electric, phone, 2 loans (200 total) and all else. I am just emotionally drained.
|
|||
|
|
"living the good life" No one can stop me now!!!! |
Melissa,
Go to the Salvation Army or a local church. Ask to talk to someone. Tell them your story and ask for help. They will listen and do what they can to help. Please don't be mean to yourself. Honey the world is full of people that will do that to you. You need to be good to yourself. You have worth. You are you and you are Brianna's mom. When there are so many obstacles it is very overwhelming. Break it down into individual things and tackle them one at a time. You can do it. I know it's so tough ,but you can get through it and it will get better,with time and effort. Be well, Harmony. |
|||
|
|
"Board Blazen Parent" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
Melissa,
Please get the books and try talking to your landlord. You never know he maybe willing to work with you if you talk to him. I am a landlord and I am willing to help people, if I can, when they come and talk to me. If they don't I slap them with all the late charges and hold them to the lease. It won't hurt to ask. Chin up you will get through and then you will know a little more and move on up. You can do this you can. |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
Melissa:
I've been in your shoes. I left my husband with two small boys, debt, and no family around. I had to be a full time mom and full time bread winner. I spent many a moment in a puddle on the floor, SOBBING...when is this going to be over!?!?! Wanting to die, but knowing I couldn't...living with such anger and resentment. Why is this happening to me? I can sooo relate to you. On top of it all, I had a family member get sick... I know all too well the hopelessness and desperation you are feeling. Let me tell you, it takes time. Knowing that, I took each day at time...doing the best I could on each day. Before too long things do start to get better. Then they reel backwards. The old "two steps forwrd, one step back." but before you know it, You will start having more good days than bad, I promise.  Brianna is there to make you stronger. Sometimes having a motivation stronger then ourselves can "push" us farther than we could push on our own. I want my boys to see what a strong mother they have. Ask your landlord if you can pay half your rent at the beginning of the month and half on the 15th. Look into any state/ city forms of welfare,etc. (believe me, I shuddered at the thought...I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, have a college degree, and live in one of the most affluent areas in the counrty.) But I did it, and it helped. That's why the programs are there. Are you on any sort of antidepressant? You MUST make time for yourself...even if it's ten minutes. Find your center and repeat positive affirmations. You are worth it and this too shall pass. You are meant for good things. And sister, when they DO come they will taste so sweet. It's been almost two years since my divorce, and if you told me six months ago that I would be where I am today...I wouldn't have believed you. I actually have money in the bank. I have an incredible boyfriend, my boys are not only succeeding - they are thriving. My ex is one of my best friends. I own my own business doing something I love (i'm an artist) and I am finally going to sleep with a smile on my face. DON'T GIVE UP! YOU CAN DO IT! and you deserve great things from life. |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
SORRY!!
After I sent my reply I realized that you have done MORE than your fair share of investigating programs and that your landlord doesn't take partial payments...sorry, I am blonde. Pretty smart, but still a blonde. About your townhouse...Paint is an amazing thing. As therapy, why don't you and your daughter pick a paint color, buy a gallon or two, some brushes and go to town. You will have to probably paint over it eventually, but for about $50 you can improve your living space - which will help you so much emotionally, you will have good quality time with your daughter, and a sense of accomplishment. That sense of accomplishment goes along way...Money is tight I know. You are paying late fees...(been there.) Throw your extra change is a jar. Add a random dollar here and there. Before you know it... Just like you can't neglect your electric bill, you can't neglect yourself or your mental health. -Picasso- |
|||
|
|
On the Board |
Hi Melissa, I know it's rough, believe me. You mentioned your sister. (By the way, know that you are blessed - I don't have a sister, brother, mother, father, uncle, aunt. It's just me.) Could you move in with her? Especially, since you're close to losing your apartment. Even though she sees you as enjoying to worry, I can't imagine that she would let you and your daughter w/o a place to live. You could split expenses. Or get a part-time job in the evening? Or do both, maybe stay with her for awhile and work part-time evenings? Your daughter would be safe in the evenings with your sister. When you're a single mom, any financial setback seems like we're back in the hole. It's really tough doing it alone. I'm tired of questioning and crying, I just do what I can and trust that God will do the rest. |
|||
|
|
Getting My Feet (Board) Wet |
I'm so sorry that you ae going through this.
Don't have any advice for you that hasn't already been covered. Just wanted to comment on how the social services office in your area said that "you make too much money for them to help you keep your apt". That makes me sick. I hope you find some light and the social services are able to get some money from your ex for your daughter. Take care! |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
It's been a few days. Thank you all for your thoughtful posts. I was in tears reading each and every one of them. I did, again, speak to my landlord and he says that I can pay him $550 (he is waiving huge late fees) on the 27th. Which leaves me about $5 to my name. That will last about 2 weeks. Gotta pay for laundry and gas money out of it. Should be interesting. Then he says that he discussed it with his "people" and they agreed that I could pay him bi-weekly after this. I have to pay $550 for the month of may and then my normal $500 for June and so on. I guess to that I am tired of dealing with it all. You know I went to a web site of a favorite bar of Brianna's father last night and his photo was there. He was, and I use the term loosly, "groping" some nasty chic. It made me even more angry because here I am practically dieing and he is living it up. I don't like to use the word hate, but I truly hate him with a passion. There will never be forgiveness. He is still doing the same things he was when we lived in Myrtle Beach. I am so glad we left. It just shows me that he has not changed and never will. Always will be a loser. I just wish we did not have to be the ones to lose.
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
Wanted to mention to that I did stay with my sister and her family when I first came home and because our children (she has 2 boys ages 8 & 6) cannot get along, it created tension between us all. Wish life were that easy. I'll just keep battling. Oh well.
|
|||
|
|
Active Board Parent |
Melissa,
I know how rough it is. I too have gone through some of the same things that you are facing now. We I became separated from my ex 2 yrs ago I didn't know what I was going to do. I was a SAHM and suddenly I was a single mom of 2 babies and no income. I got a job and started tackling my debt, which I incurred from my rocky marriage. My ex decided that he would quite his job after having our 2 child. Bills started piling up and he would spend the $ foolishly. But I took the bull by the horns and I made a plan. At first I was very overwhelmed (and still am). After 2 yrs of debt overload, this past January I took my tax refund and was able to pay off 70% of my debt. I do have a wonderful landlord that lets me pay him weekly which includes $ for back rent which I had to agree to pay back in order to stay where I am. Which actually is the cheapest place around here. I do get assistance with daycare because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to survive. I know right now you are very overwhelmed but remember one step at a time. You are in my thoughts and prayers. |
|||
|
|
"living the good life" No one can stop me now!!!! |
Melissa - That is great news about your land lord.
Okay so place to live is taken care of. Way to go. How about food? Did you make some calls? I know it sucks to have to wade through all of this. There are some people out there who want to help. Ask for it. When you get into a better position in life (and it will happen) you can give back. Come back when you need to. Be well, Harmony |
|||
|
| Previous Topic | Next Topic | powered by eve community | Page 1 2 |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
|||
| Site | Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online | ||
| Servlet | eve1da045 | ||
| Version | 1.2.22 build 9062 | ||
| Module | Forums 4.0.3 | ||
| Stylesheet | "All Year Style" | ||
| Wordlet Set | "SFV" | ||
|
Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Working Full Time New and could use advice