Hi. My daughter is 3 months old now and it has just been me with her since I was about five months pregnant. I live with my parents and work about 5 days a week from 4pm to 11pm and they watch her for me. I am home with her all day and on my two days off and get up with her every night, but other people are always making comments on how lucky I am to have my parents to take care of her and it makes me feel so bad because a majority of the time I take care of her all on my own. I feel guilty enough having to leave her each afternoon to go to work and whenever anyone makes a comment about it I just feel worse. I have to work to provide for her. Also, my parents are going to visit some family for three days after Christmas and they really want to take her with so our family can see her. I can't go b/c of work and a good friend has offered to watch her while I work. But the thing that makes me feel bad is that I kind of would like the three day break if she went with my parents, at the same time I feel so guilty and that she is too young to be away from me for three full days and nights. I have never been away from her for longer than 8-9 hours and even then I miss her and feel guilty so I guess what I am asking is for some opinions on if I should let her go and take a break or if I am a bad mom for feeling this way.

Let her go, you are not a bad Mom. I have worked 40 hours a week since my daughter was 5 1/2 weeks old. My kids are 5 1/2 and 1 1/2. I don't feel guilty when they go away every once in a blue moon...because they need Mommy to be nice and relaxed and ready for more time with them. You can't feel guilty for needing and wanting time for you, and you should take it because the novelty of the new baby will wear off when she is hyper and bouncing off the walls and you are really ready for some time off!

It's hard to leave our children and work, but we DO have to do it. You are lucky to have your parents to help, because that means you don't have to work that much more to pay for daycare. Don't feel guilty over that one either. I pay over $600 a month in daycare alone. Feel lucky, appreciate it, don't beat yourself up - you obviously love that little baby of yours...and that is what is most important. She is safe and loved, and with a parent that cares enough to feel bad that you can't be her all.

Jaxson,

Welcome to SFV! There are many great people here and a ton of great advice. I think you've just met one of them and gotten the best advice. I agree w/B in that you should let her go. It will give the rest of the family a chance to bond w/her and give you a much needed break. Daycare is expensive and it is great that your parents help you w/taking care of her so you can work. There is nothing wrong w/that. I ask my mom all the time if she's ready to retire and take care of Ty for me full time, but I'm only joking w/her because I know that will never happen. She does always respond w/something like, " I would love to do that, but it would still cost you!" You are blessed that your parents are able to help. Don't feel guilty because you are doing the best you can possibly do for you and your baby. I hope things get better for you and hope you stick around the site. Good luck and keep us posted!

Hi Jaxson,
Previous posters are correct. I do understand feeling guilty. Someone once told me that giult was a wasted emotion although every time I leave my kids I feel it. I have 6 of my own and 3 foster kids, and 2 step children and I feel guilty leaving any of them. I am very greatful to my Mom-in-law for helping me out when I do need it and have learned to welcome the break to get some adult things done. 3 months old and a first child is very hard to leave, but since you trust your parents keep that in mind and know she is okay.
Best of luck with the new baby.

Hi Jaxson,

Welcome! Bless your heart, I think you�ve expressed what 99.9 percent of moms (and just not single moms) feel in today�s society � guilt. But think of it, your daughter is surrounded by people that love her, dote on her and tend to her every need. How does it get any better than that? And the fact that you�re wanting to enjoy a couple of days to yourself but feeling guilt over it is something that too many moms have bought into as far as the bum wrap society has pressured you into. You need to regroup and take time for yourself, and it�s not because you�re a selfish person � it�s normal! Guilt is poison when it comes to parenting but we�re all susceptible to caving into it. She�ll do fine with your folks (granted they probably don�t breastfeed very well but your daughter won�t be any the worst for it).

Please do me a favor, I posted an excellent article for our group by Dr. John Rosemond that addresses this very issue. I�m a strong advocate of Dr. Rosemond and think he hits it right on the head when it comes to moms and the guilt issues you face. It�s located at:
http://www.thesingleparentfamily.org/rosemond1.htm

I think you�re doing great � sit back, relax and enjoy your time to yourself!

Best wishes,
Larry

I have to agree with everything that was just said. I used to be the same way-since I worked, I felt guilty if I didn't spend every waking moment with my child. And while I adore the time I spend with him-I have learned that spending some time just for me (outside of work!!) is SO beneficial to my relationship with him. If I am able to take a day or two and do what I want to do (sleep! play! be an adult!!) I am so much better prepared to be a good mom to him. I love having family close to help with him when I need a break.

We are only human-it is good to have a break now and then. She will be safe with family who love and adore her and you will have a much needed break. (trust me, even if you don't feel you need one, you probably do!) I know you will feel bad, and you will miss her-I still go through that and my son is almost 4. If he's gone to my parents for the night, I always miss him and still start to feel pangs of guilt. Then I remind myself that he is having just as much fun with his "grammy and grampy" as he does with me and is developing a very close and loving relationships with other adults and family members. And that is just as vital as your relationship with her is.

Hope this makes sense. Try not to feel guilty. Plan something while she's gone that you never have time to do. And be prepared to give her lots of love when she comes home!

Thank you to all of you that replied. I talked to my parents and am going to let Emma go with them, but I arranged it so I won't work the day they get home, that way I can see her and spend time with her b/c I know how much I will miss her! I am trying to not feel so guilty about the time I need to myself, sometimes its just really hard. Thanks again you all have made me feel a lot better. Its good to know I can come here when I need advice or support!