I am 43 years old, a single mother of a great 9 year old girl. I thought I was over the depression, but lately, I've been feeling depressed or at least I think it's depression. I feel like I have no energy anymore; I come home from work and don't feel like doing anything. I feel like crying and feel like smiling takes a lot of energy. It has hit me hard about 1 to 2 weeks ago. Probably, it's been creeping up on me for a while now.

It's a drag because since the separation I can't watch certain movies about love stories or anything too sad. It makes me cry horrifically and makes matters worst. I am sorry if this is too long.

I think that it is the constant planning and thinking about my financial situation since the separation in 2000 and the divorce 2 years later that has finally taken its toll. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of always planning and making decisions. I'm tired of always saying, "I can't afford it." I'm tired of doing without. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about my depression. They might take it out of proportion and think that I am an unfit mother. I don't feel that I can tell my pastor because I just got involved with the Bible study class, so I've been thinking about stopping that for a while. I can't talk to my friends at work because I feel like they might take it the wrong way but this really is depression. I have got to do something because I know that my daughter will be affected. Does anyone have any ideas? Thank you!

Hello sawcmw,

You're not alone. This place holds many stories like yours. Many great people too.

What you need is someone to talk to. To release the pent up emotion. Someone who can be close and distant at the same time. And someone who you can have total confidence in to keep your privacy. You should start with your family doctor and see what he says.

Everyone here can relate to the stress. You used the phrase, "I'm tired" three times. Let's see now; that makes 4,652,418 times now that phrase is used here.

You have found friends now. Welcome.

I'd have to agree with jaydsdad.

Though often it's easier said than done to just ask for the help you need. I say that because I struggle with depression a lot myself, and don't really take my own advice. There never seems to be enough time to get things done. I get home from work and it just seems like more work waiting for me at home. Bills, laundry, etc. Taking care of myself always seems a low priority. Maybe that's a part of depression.

I think most would agree that divorce/separation takes a lot out of you. And the grieving can go on for years, at least for some people. It's been 2-1/2 years since my wife left me (with my daughter), and I'm still grieving over it.

Good luck! Hopefully this group will also help fulfill your need for having someone to talk to. That's what we're here for.

Hi sawcmw,
Glad to have you with us. This really hit home with me because I have been through it too.
jaydsdad made a good point about the doctor. I have a thyroid imbalance that makes me depressed if I am not on my medication. Thyroid is a hormone that really effects your entire body and mind. It effects women more than men. If that is the problem one pill a day will help quite a bit.
I am not saying you don't have legitimate issues, you most certainly do. But if your thyroid is off it will make them much harder to deal with.
As for your finances there is a very inexpensive book called 'The Automatic Millionaire' by David Bach, that is an out standing book on money. It is not a get rich quick book I promise. I have read a lot of money and investment books and this is one of the best so far; it is short and an easy read. I recommend it for anyone who wants to get ahaid of the game and live the american dream.
Best of luck, you can make it!

Talking to someone would do a world of difference. I don't know if you have the possibility to see a therapist but if you have insurance that will help-it really is worthwhile. I was on state insurance for awhile and they covered completely 16 mental health visits I think. Anyway, not all insurances will help with that, but it might be something to look into. I absolutely loved going to see my therapist. It did a WORLD of good for me coming out of an abusive and controlling relationship-not only helped me get over that, but work through other issues in my life like depression and anxiety too. I wish I could still go! While therapy is good, medication is also an option. I waited a long time before I finally agreed to let the dr put me on depression meds and they helped a lot. But I was also seeing a therapist, and trying to make changes in myself. I had gotten to a point like you-where all I wanted to do was come home and sleep and cry and just had no motivation to do anything at all. I still struggle with it (been off meds and therapy for awhile due to lack of insurance) but I plan on looking into the therapy again soon since I have insurance now.

Sorry that was so longwinded. I guess my point is just that talking to someone-therapist, friend, family member, US, etc...will be so helpful. Especially here on this site, because there are so many of us in your same situation. All of us here know what its like to be tired, sad, financially strapped, emotionally drained...who better to understand than those of us who are there. I found that while most of my friends and family were well intentioned, none of them really understand and can do much to help besides "its ok" "it'll get better" etc. Sometimes you just want someone to say "God, I've been there and it sucks." Ha ha ha. Well, at least I do

Good Luck and hang in there. This is a great site.

Hello sawcmw,
As you can see you are not alone in your depression and feeling tired. I am new here and struggle with this myself.
Everyone has given you real good advice and I cant add much to it but a couple of little things I do that do seem to help me.
When the kids are not here and the house is quiet I always make time for ME. I poke around the internet, Listen to soft background music like yoga/windchimes kind of stuff, burn candles or an insent, and just breath. For me it really does help soften the sharp edges of life.

When holidays are coming up (Christmas especially) feeling low is very common. I lost my father two years ago in January and coing up on Christmas has been really hard. I have been trying to do all I can to fight it without meds and so far so good. I don't indulge in Chocolate (which may make you feel good for a short period but in the long run is counter productive) and I have been trying to make sure I am getting the right foods (all my fruits and veggies) and some sort of exercise. I has really helped. Walking briskly increases my level of seratonin (which makes you feel better mentally). If this does not do the trick I may start taking St.John's Wort again but I will hold off on that for awhile. I hope you feel better and Welcome you to the site.

I hope this is not sounding inappropriate or insensitive but my initial reaction to your post was :Wow, we could be twins, experiencing practically the exact same things.

I, too, have been experiencing a lot of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, fatigue, and all those symptoms of depression. I am new to this website and since I've started, I've felt better knowing that there are other people with similar experiences who have managed to overcome their sadness and hopelessness. I was also feeling I can't continue working as hard as I have before only to know that it's not going get better. But, after reading everyone's posts here, I've started to see that there is something worthwhile.

Financial challenges are (I think) even more difficult to overcome, but they're really not. Take one thing at a time, take it one day at a time. I've just learned that allowing yourself to be unproductive (for myself, this past 7 days) is okay. You've been through a lot, probably not only the past 2-3 yrs, but more. You'll learn that talking about your problems with another (whether online or a real person) really helps.

I've learned that the initial treatment protocol for depression is talk therapy before any therapist can prescribe medication (since medications come with contraindications and adverse affects (suicide).

I know it's been awhile since your initial post. But, I'm curious as to things are going with you. Pls. continue to write. You'll be helping me as well.

Elma

Yes, I hear all of you, and thats why I am so glad this place is here. After having to deal with a break-up, and for the first time in life, living on my own, and supporting a daughter, I started not only feeling like I'd be better off dead, I also got anxiety attacks. I went to a counselor, a really good one, one that I liked, and he got me on zoloft. He also said to stay away from negative people. The only negative person in my life is my daughters father, and its not easy to cut off all contact with him. Long story short, coulnt afford counseling anymore, and felt much better on zoloft. Couldnt afford that anymore, even with insurance.
The other day, I was out w/ my b/f, and he's telling me how much he loves, and wants to be with me. I tell him that I cant give him what he deserves because I'd rather be dead!! Not that I'm going to kill myself, but I just feel that death would be so much better than the constant pressure of no finances, other than to just get by. Constant harrassment, and verbal abuse from the ex. trying to wonder what his next move will be. Hating my job, but nothing else out there for me right now, and have to keep it so that I can just get by. Acting on the outside that everything is ok, when its not. Well, my confession to my b/f the other night brought tears to my eyes. Its the first time I've told anyone how I've been feeling and it made it real. I thought to myself, "Is this ME talking?" So, called my doctor up and got my prescription for zoloft refilled. Talked to my mom, who wants to pay for it if I dont have the funds when its time for a refill. Cant stand feeling like this, but have taken the right course to get back to feeling ok again. Cant wait!!!! Plus, a side effect of zoloft is wt. loss. Cant get any better than that. I think this is going to be my year.

Maybe knowing that you are not alone will help a LITTLE?

I just came here after balling my eyes out in bed, and saw your post. I think you just took my feelings out of my brain and posted them here on this board.

I was unable to do laundry for two weeks because I am so depressed right now.

I went to this Dr. once to try and explain my depression. I started out with "I am so stressed out, I don't know what to do" Her non-challant response was "well everyone has stress, what's so bad?" I wanted to smack her upside the head. Then I unleashed all my issues...she prescribed a lot of stuff that I was afraid to take because I had just lost about 35 pounds and didn't want to gain it all right back. That is what depression meds usually do to me. She prescribed Lexapro. I guess I decided to stay thin and depressed, rather than gain weight and be depressed about THAT!

I am so afraid that my ex will think that I am unfit because I am depressed. But he is stopping me from making things better to get rid of the depression. It is like a vicous cycle.

Angelsafemom, Boy do I hear you. I'm so glad that my posting this made you feel not so alone, either. I forgot to mention the cleaning thing. I know I have to do it, but the thought of it makes me want to shut down. I'd rather walk over the toys and clothes, than to clean them up. I just look at the mess, and get discouraged. When I do clean, it gets dirty again, in a second, and so I wonder, "Whats the use?" I do manage to do laundry. Sometimes it takes me a while, but that seems easier than the other tasks at hand.
You are right. It is a vicious cycle. I dont know how much my ex knows about how depressed he makes me, but I'm sure thats in his game plan. My game plan is to get back into shape, take the zoloft, and fight back. Not let him step on me anymore. No more Ms. nice girl. I dont want to have to do it, but it seems he gives me no choice. I've seen it said here before, that getting control of your life, and being happy is the best revenge against a resentful ex.
By the way. Not that I'm going to tell him that he stresses me out so much I had to go back on meds, but when he and I went to court for joint custody, the mediator seemed pretty much to see how controlling he is. He (butt wipe that he is) says to her, "She needs counseling, and I will sit on the sessions if need be." What a freaking fool!! Like he is some expert or something. So, I tell her, I was never on any antidepressants until I met him, and that I had been to counseling, and my therapist said that I was fine, I just needed to stay away from negative people. All the while, I'm pointing to him. She cracked me a grin, like she could see why I got stressed out. I count on him to make a fool of himself. He is just soo into him, and obviously reasonable people could see it. You know what the funniest part is? This mediator looked so familiar to me. Then I saw her name tag, and it hit me. When I was with my ex, before him, and before I had my daughter, I got arrested for hitting my ex. (He hit me first though) She was the case counselor I had that time. I dont think she recognized me, because I have gained 60 lbs. since then. (after having my daughter, and not being able to take it off, because I got nothing but verbal abuse. NO support in my efforts.)Plus, it was a different town than where I live now. (She must have been transferred, and/or moved) OH, if he only knew. Hee hee.
Anyway, I think, in my state anyway, if you know your depressed, and take care of it, then it looks good for you. Well, my ex is a mental case anyway, so for him to act the way he does, and not see that he needs mental help, when I did, and took care of it. That mediator is a social worker, so she knows about depression. Plus, she is a woman, and was pregnant at the time. She must have had some compassion for me. I also had my dad in the court with me that day, and he was like, "OK. Where are we going to meet." I think it looked good for me that I had family support. She explained to my dad, very nicely, that it was only a meeting for the mom and the dad, but he could wait outside, and if he had any questions, he could ask her. I was so nervous at the time, but when I got through with it, I was more inspired than ever. Like I said, I can count on my daughters father to show his true control freak colors to everyone.
Anyhow, know this is real long now, but I picked up my prescription, and cant wait to get back on the road of feeling better. I think I even felt better today, just because I know I'll be back on the meds that make me feel better. Hope I provided some acknowledgement/comfort/inspiration to you.

Hi Angelsafemom,
I mentioned earlier about the thyroid thing. When you went to the doctor did you ask about having it checked? One of the mane symptoms is depression. Taking a thyroid medication is so much better than taking anti-depressants. The test is simple, pull a little blood and you have an answer in 24-48 hours.
Yes everyone has stress, but some have more than others, everyone handles it differently and if there is an additional medical problem going on it can be 10 times worse.
I do understand where you are at right now and I am glad you are able to express it and hook up with the sane one. You will make it through this.
Lots of prayers coming your way.
P.S. I have 6 kids and hate laundry and cleaning too.

I undrestand depression very well and i deal with it from time to time , for me I have found that the best way to deal with those days is to find someone i CAN HELP AND NOT EXCLUDE MYSELF FROM LIFE NO MATTER HOW BADLY i WANT TO. I know it can be hard but never give up on yourself. I know that for me it was hard to find some one to talk to try maybe a book store there are lots of good books that helped me. Iyanla Vanzant has a few books that helped me.

I have dealth with depression since I was 14. Through high school I had a theripist. For the most part its under control, but some times I just loose it. I am sure I have friends who would help, but it is soo hard for me ask for help. I think I am super women and can do it About three months ago, I was for sure at rock bottom, I started crying at work (I've never cried at work) I was shaking all the time and I could feel my heart was beating faster, I was also loosing alot of weight. I kept it too myself until I fell onto my moms kitchen floor and just cried, also at work I was called into the Presidents office and told I should get help because people thought I was having a nervous breakdown.
So I went to the doctor, (who took one look at me and put me on medical leave since I looked very unstable)and I had some test done. It turned out my thyroid had gone crazy. So crazy I was not allowed back to work (I work with machines) until it had been killed. I must say I am feeling better, and still learning when to admit I need help from friends and doctors. It is tough and I wish I could take my own advise and ask for help when I need it.