I just want to give up.I found out a few days back that my son's dad is keeping in touch with some girl who has gone to jail for stealing guns from a local police station.He got to know her before she went in ,few weeks before hand.It up sets me because i thought we were trying to work things out.HE has made some emotional bond with this woman and thats what hurts the most.TAlking to her about us over coffee etc.It would of been differnt if it was just a one night stand,i would of been upset for sure but would of in time gotten over it.
I had to ring someone last night as i had a knife and was wanting to hurt myself.I havnt eaten in three days,living on ciggies and coffee,havnt showered in four days,cant get my son dinner(he;s been living on what ever he cant get from the fridge),thank god for daycare they at least feed him there.When i talk to my b/f on the phone he tells me i'm better off with out him and that i would find someone soon( as if).My sister had to come over the other day to bath my son and feed him but she works dueing the day so cant come over at the drop of a hat.I'm yelling at my son and starting to hate him.
I was with this man for six years and he is the father of my son.I'm finding i cant do everyday normal stuff and dont want to.I dont care for life anymore,it's all to much right now,and i'm sick of being told it will get better.This man was the second man i have ever loved.I have told him that i want to hurt this woman when she gets out,and he turns around and tells me that maybe i could be friends with her one day ,What the f....!!!!!!.I really dont no where to go from here and if u have gotten this far in your reading my post i really hope someone has some answers for me

quote:

Originally posted by lovefor1:
[qb]I just want to give up.I found out a few days back that my son's dad is keeping in touch with some girl who has gone to jail for stealing guns from a local police station.He got to know her before she went in ,few weeks before hand.It up sets me because i thought we were trying to work things out.HE has made some emotional bond with this woman and thats what hurts the most.TAlking to her about us over coffee etc.It would of been differnt if it was just a one night stand,i would of been upset for sure but would of in time gotten over it.
I had to ring someone last night as i had a knife and was wanting to hurt myself.I havnt eaten in three days,living on ciggies and coffee,havnt showered in four days,cant get my son dinner(he;s been living on what ever he cant get from the fridge),thank god for daycare they at least feed him there.When i talk to my b/f on the phone he tells me i'm better off with out him and that i would find someone soon( as if).My sister had to come over the other day to bath my son and feed him but she works dueing the day so cant come over at the drop of a hat.I'm yelling at my son and starting to hate him.
I was with this man for six years and he is the father of my son.I'm finding i cant do everyday normal stuff and dont want to.I dont care for life anymore,it's all to much right now,and i'm sick of being told it will get better.This man was the second man i have ever loved.I have told him that i want to hurt this woman when she gets out,and he turns around and tells me that maybe i could be friends with her one day ,What the f....!!!!!!.I really dont no where to go from here and if u have gotten this far in your reading my post i really hope someone has some answers for me [/qb]

Hey honey! I just wanted to tell you that I haven't experienced exactly what you are going through, but I have had some really crappy times. It sounds to me like there are other things going on in this relationship or some issues from your past that makes you a little insecure. I'm not saying you don't have the right to be pissed that your man is talking to some girl that's in jail. That is ridiculous. If you tell him you don't like it and he doesn't listen. That should tell you something. Get out of that relationship! What would he say if the tables were turned? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy at all! The point is from what you are saying this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and you should get out.

As to your temptations to hurting yourself, that girl and yelling at your son, maybe you should seek some counseling. If you don't have medical insurance, call a women's shelter or public health department for free services. You need to take care of you! Once you do that, everything else will fall into place. Maybe it would be a good idea to have someone keep your son a lot through the week while you work on getting yourself back together.

You are the most important person in your son's life. It is extremely important that you pull your life together for you & your son. Forget your man! Work on you and then you can find a new man! A good one that will respect you and your feelings completely!

Oh my, Wow! it seems like the end of the road, believe me, its not. You have not hit rock bottom yet and it won�t get better. It won�t get better until you realize that you are in such an unhealthy place. You won�t hit rock bottom until you start to pull your self back up. I have been there, not with my daughters� father, but I invested 9 years from age19 to 28 (that is most of my 20�s). He was someone, whom I loved very much, but it was so unhealthy, Actually, I still love him, I will always love him. I know that I can never be with him. He was abusive, physically at first, that stopped when he started cheating on me half way through and he was always emotionally abusive. He was a drug user and dealer on and off through out the time we were together, I did not know about it until I was living with him, then I was in too deep, I loved him too much. I avoided my family; I lost all of my friends. I gained 50lbs. He started cheating on me with an older woman; she was definitely no prize. I caught him with her over and over, but I still fought for him, why? In hindsight, I believe it is because I felt that I was not good enough for anyone else, but at the time I kept telling myself that I loved him. I would think, �our relationship just needs work, every good relationship needs work�. I was so blind; I abandoned every principal that I ever stood for. I believed that there was something I could do to �keep� him. WHY???

Please think, is this the best environment for your son? NO! Based on what you just wrote it is the worst thing ever. You need to redirect your emotions and focus on the two most important people in your life, you and your son, because your son needs you. As soon as you brought that innocent little boy into the world you essentially put everyone else in the world after him. 6 years, I know that seems like a lot of time to invest with one person, and it is. Believe me it is miniscule compared to the permanent damage that can be done to your son. Your decision to pine over the loss of your ex is your choice, your son is being forced to walk down that path with you and he has no choice. You won�t get over him in a week or even a month, it is a step-by-step, day-by-day thing. You said that he came to have feelings with this ne�re-do-well over coffee, yikes, you have got to think, what are his morals, where is his head? There are plenty more men out there good and bad; believe me I know where you�re coming from. Don�t forget, the best revenge is you getting over him and doing well. Maybe you should have someone look after your son for a day or two, so you can morn your loss, alone, you do need time to do that. It is so unhealthy for your son to be exposed to your self-deprivation. We all have bad days, believe me I know. At least, stop what you are doing take a step back to really evaluate the situation; you will see that this too shall pass. I am glad that you decided expose your self in your post; that is definitely a sign that you want to get out of your rut. I am here if you need me.

Jenny

loverfor1-I understand how you feel.Im sure there are plenty of people on the site that have been where you are. I know it may not seem like it but it will get better-I promise. How fast this happens though depends on you. This guy is obviously not worth your love or loyalty. You should turn your sadness into anger and think about all that bad things he did to you. And think of your son. You must be strong for him. You hurting yourself is not going to do anyone any good-least of all you.
I would strongly suggest you let it all out and cry til you cant cry anymore. Then, get out and take a look at the world around you. There are women in the world that have no power to do as they wish. They might have to marry someone at 12 that they barely know. They might be gang raped by rebels in their country. They might have female circumcisms when they are 9 or 10. You live in a democracy and have the power to be happy. And the best revenge is to be happy and show that guy you don't need him and are doing great without him. The most important thing though is your son. That little man is depending on you to love him and care for him, and one day he will be a big man and he can say"My mom was always there for me and a great role model"
So good luck, God Bless you both, and if ya ever need to talk feel free to PM me.

I hopr you still reading replys, because you need some serious help, fast!! I don't know how it works in Australia, but you need to call emergency services or your doctor and tell them you are suicidal, you need to go in the hospital for a few days. Get someone to take your son while you are there. You seriously need medication, this depression won't lift without it. It is a chemical imbalance, the meds will help get you back to yourself. Then you can deal with the issues of the boyfriend. That is not important now, your child will be taken away from you if you don't do something, you are not able to parent now. It is scary for him, get some help before you kill yourself. What will happen if you do?His father will get him and raise him with that other woman? Please get help now, just call! Two suicide attempts myself, now I take my meds and cope a whole lot better. God bless!

I have just read your plight.
Rule 1 You NEVER,EVER give up no matter how hard it gets.
Things are difficult for you at this time,but they are also difficult on your boy.Iam not going to give you the speech ,of there is a light at the end of the tunnel.Because as far as you will be concerned that is ****.
It is time to take care of yourself and prioritise.Go to seek some form of medical assistance,what sort of life is the boy going to have without you around,think it over.It's not just about you,it's about both of you and your joint wellbeings.Your son needs a mother, for you to care for him and one that he can depend on to be responsible.
Go and get the meds,etc sort out your hygiene and put something pretty on.
You will get through this,I won't BS you,it won't be easy,but it is do-able with a little clarity of thought.
Nearly everyone here has a horror story,that's why we support each other.Because we have been there and survived.
Please take some notice of this,if not for you then for your son's sake.


Mark

Iam sorry if I have offended you it wasn't my intention.But tough times call for some tough talk.


Best Wishes,

Mark

No mark you are not to harsh!
I usually save this for private messages but maybe now's the time>


Old adage;

Suicide: a permanent solution to a temporary problem!

Dear Lovefor1,
Change your user name! Try lovefor2! your child needs a live parent!

I have to add, listen to these people. Most of them have walked a mile in your shoes at one time or another. Their wisdom is invaluable.
They reminded me of how fortunate I truly am and how insignificant my little problems really are. Reach out to them. They are here to help because someone helped them and now they want to pay the kindness back. You are NOT alone.

That's great advice Jaysdad! We are here to help. All of us need a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to listen.

:-)

I was just aware that this thread was brought back up, though I'd honestly not seen it before. I'd just like to add that though it's a year old, very good support being shown here, and happy to say that lovefor1 has also posted as recent as July of 2004.
Just thought I'd clarify this.

Should you read this thread again, glad to see you are still toughing it out in a sometimes very difficult existence. Honestly, years back, I've been in that dark place myself, just never did pull the trigger. True story, and thankfully I'm still here because it doesn't have to stay dark with perserverance.