Hi y'all! I came upon this site after searching for some sort of legit forum such as this one. I'm glad I found it!

I'm, just needing to vent. What started out to be a mutual and mature divorce ended up being a long and never-ending nightmare. To get to the point, my daughter is 8 and hasn't seen her dad in about a year, by his choice. She misses him terribly and cries 5 out of 7 nights a week. For the last month or so, she's really been acting out. She screams and rages over the smallest things and cries without really knowing why. She has a hard time going to sleep and doesn't sleep for that long. She's already been diagnosed with ADHD and now her psychiatrist is concerned; he thinks she is really depressed and I agree.

I get furious when I think about what her dad is doing to her. I just CANNOT comprehend not having a relationship with your child, but I REALLY don't understand being there for 7 years and then cutting out! You would think that there might be some sort of an attachment. I want so much to heal this wound of hers, but I cannot. Every time she cries, I want to smack him! How dare he treat her like this! What could I possibly say to make her feel better? I have told her that he's the one missing out on everything, he's being a fool and maybe someday he'll see what a mistake he made because she is so special (she really is a character). I feel so powerless to protect my child. It's as if I'm just sitting back and letting someone walk on her. I'm sure many children go through this, but I find no comfort in that. It's just wrong!

Whew! Thanks for listening/reading. I've been through feelings like this before and I know it will pass. I just wonder if it will ever really be gone and stay gone.

Hi hilbornz and welcome :welcome: You have found a good place here, glad you could join us.
As for you daughter I have an idea what you are going through. My situation is different but the bottom line is Dad is not here for them anymore. At first I had all my kids in bed with me. It's been a year and they for the most part sleep in there own beds now.
What I did to try and help them was just stop myself and listen. I would tell them that I know it hurts and we will get through it together. I stopped trying to explain things and all the why's to it. Just good old fashion hugs, understanding, and letting them know I was there to support them. It seemed to help them get through things better. We still have times that are rough and each one goes through it at different times, but it is getting better. It will get better, one day at a time.
I hope I have been of some help.
Lots of prayers for you and your daughter.

I agree with tomany, lots of hugs and reassurance will help her get through it. Let her know that you will always be there for her. My daughter is 10 and she constantly asks me if I would get up and leave her like her dad did or if I had the choice to leave and not come back would I? It breaks my heart to hear her ask me the questions, but with a smile on my face and a big hug I tell her that there is nothing in this world that would take me away from her. It just amazes me on how they can just walk away from such precious kids and not realize that the consequences are much deeper.

Good luck to you and your daughter and we are here to listen and help out as much as we know how.

I was curious, when was your daughter diagnosed with ADHD?

I agree with the post replies. Hugs and understanding goes a long way. Thanks for sharing and hang in there.

quote:

Originally posted by jes:
[qb] I was curious, when was your daughter diagnosed with ADHD? [/qb]

I had always kind of thought that she had ADHD, but she was diagnosed when she was 6.5 years old. This wasn't a rush to diagnose, it took almost one year of therapy to figure it out.

Thank you, to everyone, for all of your kind words. While I wish I could say that I was the ONLY one going through this, it does help to know I'm not alone. Thanks!

Hey kilbornz,
Just want you to know that you and your precious daughter will get through this. When I was first on my own with my two boys, my oldest, then 6 would kick me when his father wouldn't pick him up and cry like crazy. Then, the little one who was 2 would start crying. He would also tell me that "No wonder Daddy divorced you!". It hurt terribly inside, but all I could do was hold them tight and cry it out and get it off their little chests. It literally breaks your heart, but it does get easier, I promise. The 6 year old is now 17 and is soon graduating high school. The little one is an honor roll student and they are amazing kids. They don't need a father who doesn't want to be there. Try to hang in there, honey, and just love your daughter, let her cry on your shoulder, hold her, lover her, and it will pass...I promise! Hope this helps!

him my kids were two and four when my ex left
they are now almost eighteen and sixteen
I can still remember them running after his car
I can remember our son asking him at four where had he been he told his dad I was worried about you I thought you were dead it was the only time I ever saw my ex cry
many times he went for long periods of time without contacting our kids
I never got it still don't
having kids is not a right but a gift
my kids love their dad
hopefully he has figured that out
he just took our ds fifteen overnite a week ago
first time in eight months
just let your daughter know she is loved
we can't explain "their absence" but we can make them hurt a less
reassure her
my dd is going to nineteen my ex said she was a disappointment she has forgiven him but has not forgotten those words
at one point he told our son some very hateful things like he didn't want to see him or didn't want our son to call him
I believe my ex is lucky to have two kids who love him in spite of himself
maybe someday hopefully soon your daughter's father will realize what a beautiful gift she is
in the meantime love her with all your heart
I always thought my kids should have had both their parents
my kids said mom we had you
you were there for us
our hearts break when our kids hurt
your post brought tears to my eyes
every time they cried my heart broke some more
I always just wanted to fix it and make it all better
just know you aren't alone
hugs