Hi. Im new to the boards but could really use some advice. I just got back from a 30 day treatment program for people who self injure. I have had a problem with depression since I was 12 and have only just found a medication that helps. Im 23 now. So its been a really long process.
My kids are 3 and 5 years old and while I was away they were involved with a power struggle between grandparents and their father and now that Im back their father wont even come and take them on the predetermined days.
They are adjusting to me being back and for the most part during the first week they were being pretty well behaved. I'm so much more patient with them and not depressed all the time which is very helpful but I feel like they are walking all over me again. Like I cant get them to obey the rules or sit in time out or stop talking back. I know this is probably just normal kid stuff and at least I'm mostly able to talk to them and get through to them but they just go right back to fighting with eachother. Is it cause they're boys? Am I just doing everything wrong? We have a list of house rules and if they dont follow them they get time out. And at the end of time out we discuss why they are in time out and what they can do differently during the day to stay out of time out. But my 5 year old keeps pushing the limits with me and talking back and running into the other room. Im so patient with them and Im being very consistent but it doesn't seem to be helping. I used to give them a swat on the butt every now and then but I dont do that anymore. I don't even smack their hand when they do anything. I try to make sure they see we only use our words and not our actions to express how we are feeling. I just don't know what else I can do except be consistent. Ive gone to family resources who offered advice but some days I just feel so unable to do this by myself. And it doesnt help that I have very little support and only 1 or 2 real friends in the area. So most days we are just home alone. And I have no car since it broke down a month ago and no job since they wouldnt give me medical leave when I went into my treatment program.
Ive only been back a week and Im coping it's just so lonely and difficult some days. Like today is one of those days . . .
Any advice?


Sadie

Hi Sadie, and welcome to the forum. I don't really think that it's because they are boys, but I do think that they are indeed testing the boundaries because of what has been happening in their lives. You gone for a month, the struggles between grandparents and father, and now their father not coming around. It's a lot of adjusting they are going through, and in my opinion they are testing the new you as well. Keep being consistent with them and they should find out soon enough that you will not be allowing them to run amuck without them facing consequences.

Also, congratulations for going through treatment like that. It sounds like it helped you a lot to find a new foundation to work with and build from. Keep your chin up and stay strong, if you do feel like you're slipping some keep coming back here and venting...it helps. And keep open communication about how you're feeling with the support that you do have there.

My daughter has also struggled with self injury and depression. We've been working on it for several years now with counselors and meds and lately she seems to be doing pretty good. Just letting you know that I can relate to the strength you are showing by getting a handle on this for you and your boys, be proud.

Thank you for your response. It's good to hear I'm not alone out here. I've deffinetely been being very consistent with them and as with most kids some days are better than others. I've noticed a lot of positive changes in both them and my relationship with them over the past two weeks that I've been back and slowly we are getting things back together. I'll keep coming around for the support on here. Thanks again.

Sadie

Good for you! I have also been in treatment for depression and I know parenting is so difficult when you are depressed. You sound like you are on the right track - being patient and consistent. You wrote that their father won't come on his scheduled days to relieve you. Are there respite services in your area? I wish I had known about them when my son was young and I needed a break from 24/7 child rearing. Best wishes.