Well I don't know exactly where to start... but this is my first time on this site,and I need to vent!!
My daughter is 9 months old, I found out I was pregnant about 5 minutes before giving birth to her. I had no previous signs. So it was quite a shock to myself, my family since I live at home, as well as my ex(I called him from the hospital), and his family.
He showed up once at the hospital, and called about 4 time a week for the first month, but basically nothing for 8 months. He never even asked if Kate needed anything! I wanted nothing to do with him, so didn't bother fighting him for custoday,and just left him alone to live his life with his new gf. But now his family is harrassing me and all, so I'm taking it to court. Thing is, I'm feeling really awful, stress, confused about everything! I feel like there is no way out, and the pain and the stress is just goin to get worse, and I slowly feel like I'm going insane! I'm constantly worrying about what might happen, about how if something goes wrong I'll never forgive myself, and I can't help but feel bad for taking the father of my child to court becuase his family(not him) is harrassing me and won't stop! Ever since Kate's been born I've been on an emotional rollar coaster, and its not getting better!! I feel soo trapped! I'm trying to do all I can to make sure she has everything, but I lost my job due to the birth of my daugther,(since it was just a contract, and they couldn't keep it for me) and now I don't have work and can't find anything!! I'm stressed out, and scared about the future!So I resorted to here to talk about this to people who might understand me, cause my family and friends are supportive, but they don't know what it is to go through this. To feel like I have no life, nothing!!!

I don't want to scare you but be prepared because the court stuff is hard. It doesn't get easier. It is also very expensive. To give you some kind of idea I've paid $7,500 in the last 3 months and this is what I got. Child support on a regular basis. That's it. And now my son's father gets to take him from me twice a week. I guess he feels like a "real" father so he is going to fight me for custody. It is crazy. Like I've said before to other people here, I am a wonderful mother and it is breaking my heart thinking he could have my son 1/2 of the time. I believe that if the father of your child will be a good father then go ahead and make the step for court. But if you honestly feel in your heart that he won't, let it be. If he knows about your child and hasn't done anything about it, then it kind of shows that he doesn't want to be a father. I am very bitter about my son's father and I wish he was out of our lives, but I don't know about your situation. I would love to hear more about it and I would love to give you any information I can. It is a hard process and I just wish I would have found this website a little sooner. Also if you would like to talk more write and I would be glad to give you my personal email address for you to contact me directly. FYI: I am 21 years old and have a 9 month old son.

quote:

Originally posted by bb21:
[qb]I don't want to scare you but be prepared because the court stuff is hard. It doesn't get easier. It is also very expensive. To give you some kind of idea I've paid $7,500 in the last 3 months and this is what I got. Child support on a regular basis. That's it. And now my son's father gets to take him from me twice a week. I guess he feels like a "real" father so he is going to fight me for custody. It is crazy. Like I've said before to other people here, I am a wonderful mother and it is breaking my heart thinking he could have my son 1/2 of the time. I believe that if the father of your child will be a good father then go ahead and make the step for court. But if you honestly feel in your heart that he won't, let it be. If he knows about your child and hasn't done anything about it, then it kind of shows that he doesn't want to be a father. I am very bitter about my son's father and I wish he was out of our lives, but I don't know about your situation. I would love to hear more about it and I would love to give you any information I can. It is a hard process and I just wish I would have found this website a little sooner. Also if you would like to talk more write and I would be glad to give you my personal email address for you to contact me directly. FYI: I am 21 years old and have a 9 month old son.[/qb]

thanx.. I know its just going to get tougher.. it helps to be able to talk about it though!! I was willing to just leave it alone, cause I know for sure that he isn't interested, but his mother and family are really harrassing myself and my family, so that really makes it this much harder!
I'm 21 as well.. with a 9 month old girl. I would love to talk with you some more! Feel free to send me an email at: freespiritt31*msn.com, or you can also IM me if you have aim my screenname is freespiritt00.

Thanx for your post

The court system is good for child support and that is it. The court will not stop his family from calling you. Honestly if you can provide for that child without him I wouldn't even go to court. A lot of single mothers can't do that. Be thankful you have your family around and someone where to lay your head. It is really hard because you always wonder how can I love this child so much and he doesn't at all. I feel for the children in these case because they lose. I do believe that your child will want a dad figure. You can be both if you have to and your baby will love you so much. Some days you will feel it is getting so hard but you would be suprise on how much you can endure. You can't dwell on all the bad thing I know I do it often. You will miss all of the good stuff. Even when you have had the worse day. your kid will do something that will have you laughing so hard that thing didn't seem that important.

Ok.. well I don't know if anyone knows the answer to this, as I havne't been able to get any one answer from anyone... but is there not a way that I can request the father of my daughter to sign over any rights? Because as of now, a lawyer told me that I am not allowed to refuse his family from visiting my daugther, even though he wants nothing to do with her. just doesn't seem fair!

I do know that you can have the father sign away his rights. I don't know how to go about it in Canada so you'd have to do some searching, but it is possible! Don't give up hope. Oh and note to self. Let your ex's family see your daughter even though you don't want them to. Just stay around if that makes you feel better. I don't want my son around his father's family AT ALL, but I fly to OKLAHOMA a couple times a year so that they can see them. But I stay there the whole time that my son is visiting. Basically supervised visitation, supervised by me and not forced by the courts. If it ever comes down to it, it makes you look better in the eyes of the court. Don't do it so much that the grandparents could say that it would be detremental to the child to lack that relationship later in life, but enough so that the court could see that you did all you could to keep the father and his family in your child's life but the father refuses to be a part of it. Usually those kinds of efforts give you more favor. I know it can be horrible....trust me I know! =) Just a thought. Best of luck!
Melissa

You can not have anyone sign there right away even if they suck as a parent. If that was possible someone could do it to you. Unless you go to court about the family visitation. You can do whatever you want. I know what is like when the guys family is not exactly what you expected. If they are good people you can't have to many people who love your baby. It is good to know where to come from.

quote:

Originally posted by Freespirit:
[qb]Ok.. well I don't know if anyone knows the answer to this, as I havne't been able to get any one answer from anyone... but is there not a way that I can request the father of my daughter to sign over any rights? Because as of now, a lawyer told me that I am not allowed to refuse his family from visiting my daugther, even though he wants nothing to do with her. just doesn't seem fair![/qb]

I had the same question and I did find some answers. You can ask him to sign over his rights. You cannot force him to. You could even bring it up to the judge in court if you can show reasons why he shouldn't have rights to your daughter.

About his family; there is no law that says you have to let them see your child. I am not sure what your lawyer is telling you but I know that for a fact. I also had the same thing happen. If you were never married and haven't had a paternity test done you don't even have to let the father see your child. He would have to take you to court and get a paternity test done to show he is the father first before he does anything else.

I could help you out because I just went through all of this about 3 months ago. And I am pretty sure the law is standard when it comes to most of these issues.

I wanna thank everyone who cared to reply to my post! Just hearing others give advice ro share stories helped me to see that i wasn't alone! SomethIng i had a hard time seeing! Things are not exactly 100% better, but i am starting to get things tOgether! I'm going for full custody of my daughter, as my lawyer adviced it woudl probably be the best way to go about it! As He has started to harass me and stuff.
So now I'm just waiting to see how that's gonna go...
Other than that things are going a lot better! I am actually learning to enjoy life and feel goOd about myself, which is somEthing i had a real hard time doing before! I got back in contact with an old friend that i hadn't talked to in ages, and he is really being there for me! So it really helps that i have him to turn to when i need to rant and stuff!
So I just wanted to update you guys, and let you know that I'm dong ok So is my little one! Hope you all have great holidays

Just wanted to say good luck!!!!
Melissa

It's so nice to read about others in similar situations. I read so much about the bad things that go on and people rarely get back to tie up loose ends and say how things turned out. How are you now?