What tends to help some of you guys when you can start feeling life get to you and things seem like they are overwhelming your being?

With all that is going on, and the closer I get to court, I am beginning to feel like I am withdrawing from things. I have done this before, and I become a recluse where I just hide in my own head and sit and ponder things until I just can't ponder any more. I don't want to do it this time, and I am trying to avoid letting it happen, but I am not sure really what actions to take to prevent it.

It's not really like a depression, but it is more so a self loathing or pity. I tend to focus on what has gone wrong in my life and try to figure it out, but I can't and it drives me nuts.

I have done the counseling thing, and the lady I went to only ever said uh huh, uh huh, I understand, want some medication?? She was worthless, thank god work paid for her. I tend to be able to express myself and get things out of my head rather well verbally, but I think that my friends have long been burnt out on my satirical drama filled episodes. I just feel blah. Like things are broke and I don't know where to start to pick up the pieces and put the puzzle back together.

All I am looking for is some tips that might help me keep my sanity and help keep me thinking positively, at least long enough for court to come and go.

-J

The best way I've found to maintain sanity is to focus on the things that are important to you. Easier said than done, right? Remember WHY you're going through all of this and before you know it you'll have survived!

Counseling can be good, if you find one that works for you. You gotta shop around, so to speak. You could get a list of counselors in your area covered by your health care provider, call a few of them and explain what you need and what you don't like in a counseling style. You should be able to find one.

As to keeping your sanity for the now, I think you need to distract yourself from this seemingly overwhelming issue. Stepping back and putting things in perspective, remembering why you're doing this is a start. Just as important is getting out and doing some things that claim all of your attention for a few hours. Take the boy and go out and do a day hike on the weekend. Got some friends you hang with? Plan some activity and COMMAND yourself not speak about the whole ex gf issue. Like they say in some cruise line commercial or another, GET OUT THERE.

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:
Counseling can be good, if you find one that works for you. You gotta shop around, so to speak. You could get a list of counselors in your area covered by your health care provider, call a few of them and explain what you need and what you don't like in a counseling style. You should be able to find one.

As to keeping your sanity for the now, I think you need to distract yourself from this seemingly overwhelming issue. Stepping back and putting things in perspective, remembering why you're doing this is a start. Just as important is getting out and doing some things that claim all of your attention for a few hours. Take the boy and go out and do a day hike on the weekend. Got some friends you hang with? Plan some activity and COMMAND yourself not speak about the whole ex gf issue. Like they say in some cruise line commercial or another, GET OUT THERE.

I agree. DO SOMETHING. I took Abby to her first Braves game when I was feeling dumpy. She was free and I can see just fine from the cheap seats so it was an inexpensive outing.

Find a lake, teach the boy to fish, go for a jog, walk the mall......just DO something.

Hey TD,

What I did..was while I was in a "Good Mood"

I sat down and thought to myself...ok...what are the things that I like to do and experience that inevitably leave me with the "Ok...Life is good" Feeling.

The I wrote them down and had them on a list taped to my desk. Here's some of them.

Playing Bass guitar.
Listening to live music.
Going to the Zoo with my kids.
Watching movies at the theater.
Watching Xmas DVDS with my kids.
Watchin Western with a Good beer and some BBQ.
Barbecuing period.
Working out and watching really cute women smiling at me. (and not feeling guilty about it).
Practicing and learning how to be a "Beer Snob".
Visting Local Microbreweries.
Taking the time to find my own personal Microbrew/Pub where "Everybody knows my name" ( usually takes about 3 frequent visits.)
Going to local "cheap ...errr...economical" wine tastings/samplings.
Playing with pictures of my kids to get the most of each "good" shot. ( ie. cropping, changing lighting & contrast,etc.)

Hope that helps.

oh...and of course,

ANYTHING to do with cooking.

i think the power of conversation is always a godsend (especially if wine is involved)

as far as techniques go - it is all about perspective. if you keep thinking about all of the horrible things going on, it is hard to be happy. instead - try to concentrate on all the good. think about how wonderful your son is. how the situation could be worse and perhaps change your expectations. If you expect your ex to behave better, you will be disappointed every time she does not come through. If you expect her to be wretched and she does slightly better than that - well Cause For Celebration.

I read alot of personal development books...meditate, exercise. For my sanity..I keep a journal of 4 things...doing it daily is important. I make a new list everyday. On day 7, I compare all my lists.. By the second and third month, I have accomplished alot in my life.

1. 20 things I am grateful for.
2. 10 things I have in my life I don't want.
3. 10 things in my life I have (same list as in number 2, but write it the opposite and write it in the present tense as though you already have it. The purpose of this is to retrain your subconcious mind to change the way you feel and think. For example if something in your list 2., was "I am tired of feeling tired, then in list three you write it present tense "I wake up every morning with an abundance of energy".
Another example of doing your list in section three as the opposite is if in your list is "I am tired of being broke", then in your list number three it would be "I attract money in my life in abundance" or "I pay my bills with ease".

Finally list number 4 is your values. List 10 values you have and then put them in order of priority. (this is a lesson in itself, but ifyour interested I can coach you on what you do with that list after).

Finally take the list in number three and read the positive or opposite list of number 2 everynight before you go to bed.

That is what I do.

quote:

Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
I read alot of personal development books...meditate, exercise. For my sanity..I keep a journal of 4 things...doing it daily is important. I make a new list everyday. On day 7, I compare all my lists.. By the second and third month, I have accomplished alot in my life.

1. 20 things I am grateful for.
2. 10 things I have in my life I don't want.
3. 10 things in my life I have (same list as in number 2, but write it the opposite and write it in the present tense as though you already have it. The purpose of this is to retrain your subconcious mind to change the way you feel and think. For example if something in your list 2., was "I am tired of feeling tired, then in list three you write it present tense "I wake up every morning with an abundance of energy".
Another example of doing your list in section three as the opposite is if in your list is "I am tired of being broke", then in your list number three it would be "I attract money in my life in abundance" or "I pay my bills with ease".

Finally list number 4 is your values. List 10 values you have and then put them in order of priority. (this is a lesson in itself, but ifyour interested I can coach you on what you do with that list after).

Finally take the list in number three and read the positive or opposite list of number 2 everynight before you go to bed.

That is what I do.

I kind of like this list idea Singleparentcoach. Let's all do it. I'll start.

20 things I am grateful for

1. My son (duh)
2. Parents that always love me completely and unconditionally
3. My dream job
4. Great memories
5. The bad stuff that has happened to me because it has made me stronger
6. No more in-laws that don’t like me (How could they not like me?)
7. Antidepressants
8. God
9. My grandparents and the example they set for me
10. My talent as an artist
11. Peanut butter
12. A reliable car (finally)
13. Music
14. I have been able to pay my bills and put food on the table.
15. My landlord mows my yard.
16. I got the washer and dryer in the divorce.
17. Super Nanny (got to love the Naughty Chair or Crying Chair as Robbie calls it)
18. Coke Zero (they finally got it right)
19. Trains (Rob’s favorite thing)
20. That I don’t have to go through this single parent **** alone (Thanks Ya’ll)


10 things I have in my life I don't want.

1. The kind of ex that doesn’t appreciate all I do for her and our son (a simple thank you would be nice)
2. Depression over the future my son and I are facing
3. Worry that I may have to give up job and family to be with my son.
4. Debt, debt, and more debt
5. ADD
6. An impending root canal
7. Worrying about my brother all the time
8. Slow internet
9. A mean ole boss
10. About 10 pounds


10 things in my life I have

1. I have an ex that knows what a great dad I am and that I still do anything I can to help her out.
2. I have peace of mind about our future
3. I have wisdom in knowing that my son is the priority and we need each other first and foremost.
4. I have financial freedom (Woo-Hoo)!
5. I am able to concentrate on and do one thing for more than 5 minutes.
6. I have no cavities
7. My brother Mike is happy at last.
8. I have Warp Speed Internet.
9. Man I am lucky to have such a wonderful boss.
10.. I have great abs


10 values I have

1. I put family first.
2. I always try to do my best.
3. I treat others as I would like to be treated.
4. I still love women even though …well, you know
5. I always put time aside for those I love.
6. I respect my elders.
7. I would fight a chainsaw for those I love.
8. I never discriminate against others.
9. I never give homework on a weekend (job related)
10. I am kind to animals.

Will (rwe1dad)

www.myspace.com/sunuvwil

I agree with getting outside. Sitting at home on the couch doing whatever isnt going to lift any spirits. When I had post pardem (and i dont think you have that ) I went for long walks I would walk for hours with my daughter. I also found that making play dates is great. Nothing makes me happier than hearing my daughter giggle and laugh as she chases kids around. Good luck and remember that this too shall pass.

REW1Dad

What a fabulous job....I think that is great.
20 things I am grateful for
1. My son's health
2. My job to satisfy our personal needs
3. My mother who has been there
4. My mentor and friend Dr. Joe
5. My health--had a lumpectomy last june
6. My plants
7. Sitting by the fireplace
8. The rain as I feel very refreshed
9. My best friend Jen
10. Reading on a daily basis
11. My computer so I can make contact with individuals
12. My business because I make a difference
13. Listening to my music
14. Driving my car with the music blaring just to annoy everyone else.
15. My coffee breaks
16. Smelling and picking flowers
17. Walking with my mentor on his 99 acre farm
18. My uncle and cousins
19. My support network
20. Soaking in the sun

10 things I have in my life I don't want.
1. Loneliness
2. Fear of losing employment
3. Disrespect from others in my industry
4. Lack of energy
5. Disorganized apartment
6. Smoking
7. Flabby thighs
8. Frustration when exercising
9. Getting up with the most annoying alarm clock
10. Depression

10 Things in my life I have
1. I am surrounded by individuals who love me and who are there to help
2. Money comes to me with ease thus I am confident.
3. Individuals in my industry seek my guidance and knowledge
4. Everymorning I awake to an abundance of energy.
5. My apartment is clutterfree
6. I am smokefree
7. I have acquired attractive firm thighs.
8. I exercise with ease and confidence
9. Because money comes to me in abundance I start my day at the wake of dawn with ease.
10. I feel energized and fulfilled.

Values
1. family, fitness, spirituality, social, financial, education, mental health, relationships, business, Love