I'm 24 years old. I had my daughter when I was 17 years old. Her father left me when I was pregnant. My daughter (now 6 years old)and I were doing great, however 6 years later, my ex came back in the picture. Now my dughter is no longer doing well in school (her attention level has dropped), she is angry all the time and complains of headaches. She is now lashing out in anger everytime she sees him. The thing that bothers me the most is, now she doesn't believe her and I are a family anymore because I am not married. I have explained to her that being a single mom doesn't mean we aren't a family, and I've expressed my love for her, but nothing seems to work. I'm afraid she may be depressed. What do I do?

you should definately take her to see a pediatrician about it. depression can develop at a any age, and it may just get worse if not treated. you should introduce your daughter to other single parent families who are happy and doing well. eventually she'll see that you two really are a family, and she'll love you and appreciate you more than ever. (i was raised by a single mom, trust me, i know how your daughter feels)

quote:

Originally posted by Niccole:
[qb] however 6 years later, my ex came back in the picture. Now my dughter is no longer doing well in school (her attention level has dropped), she is angry all the time and complains of headaches. She is now lashing out in anger everytime she sees him. [/qb]

Have you asked her why she appears so angry everytime she visits dad? Why she's stressing out - headaches? I'm guessing that the dad she's fantasized all these years doesn't quite match up to her reality dad.

Also, this is a major change in her life. She needs all the support she can with this. It's almost expected that other areas of her life is going to slip for a little while. Once she adjusts, she'll be back on track - depending on her support system.

Have you thought about talking to her dad and see what he thinks about all this?

There are books in the library that talks about the different types of families: atomic families, single-parent families, same-s e x families, extended families ... It's worth a read.

quote:

I'm 24 years old. I had my daughter when I was 17 years old. Her father left me when I was pregnant. My daughter (now 6 years old)and I were doing great, however 6 years later, my ex came back in the picture. Now my dughter is no longer doing well in school (her attention level has dropped), she is angry all the time and complains of headaches. She is now lashing out in anger everytime she sees him. The thing that bothers me the most is, now she doesn't believe her and I are a family anymore because I am not married. I have explained to her that being a single mom doesn't mean we aren't a family, and I've expressed my love for her, but nothing seems to work. I'm afraid she may be depressed. What do I do?

In what way is he back in the picture? Are you two back together, or did he just show up and want to start seeing his daughter? What had she been told about her dad? Does she want to spend time with him? She's probably confused at why she's had a dad all this time that she never knew, and now she's spending time with a virtual stranger. I think counseling is definately in order, she needs to communicate her feelings to someone.

More information is needed to really be able to know what the history is before handing out advice.

Here is the situation. My ex left me when I told him I was pregnant. I raised my daughter alone, all these years. I have always told her about her dad. He did see her once when she was 2 years old, I ran into him at a store. So, she met him, but that was the last time she saw him. I have a few pictures of us, which she now has, so she has always known about him. When she was about 4 years old, she asked why he didn't live with us and if he loved her. I told her he loved her very much, but raising a baby was hard work, and he wasn't ready to have a family. She was ok w/ that and never asked again. This is where it gets complicated. a year later, because he was so behind in child support, and because he didn't show up in court, the judge increased his child support to 700 a month. He couldn't afford this, so he decided to take me to court, claiming I never let him see her. This wasn't true, since I always invited him for birthday parties, etc. The court knew this to, because it was documented. Anyway, the court decided to reduce his child support and appointed him supervised visitations every Wed. and Sat. Well, he would show up for about thirty min. then leave or he wouldn't show up at all, leaving my daughter asking me again, why daddy doesn't love her. Up to this day, he still doesn't see her when he is supposed to, which in her words "makes her angry". I have never spoke ill of him and I have never argued w/ him in front of her. I have tried to be the adult, but he doesn't seem to get it. Does that explain a little more?

Suddenly she's not the center of your attention anymore. I'd be mad too! And demanding attention with headaches.

If she's demanding attention, it's because she truly needs attention. Please give her what she needs, but not necessarily what she wants.

r