I am new to this site and I am hoping that there may be some one out there that may know what i am feeling and can just lend an ear or a shoulder. I have been divorced for 3 years this past June. My marriage was so violent. There was verbal and physical abuse every day. He cheated on me and finally left and married one of the women he was cheating with. I married him when i was 18 and pretty stupid. My daughter was born 5 years later and the cheating started then. I always knew that i had done something to him to make all the abuse and cheating happen. Once we were divorced though he never left. He would always call to apologize for the things that he had done to us. Or that he wanted to come back. I never took him back and that would only escalate his anger further. He would call my job threatning me, would park in my yard at night to watch my house to make sure that there were no guys visiting us. I finally got a permanent restraining order and moved three states away. He still calls and threatens. I am trying to move on. I have met someone who loves me and i truely love him. He wants to marry me. He loves my daughter with all his heart. I feel sometimes that i am doing him wrong though. I watch the things that he does trying to find something to fault him on. I never find them though. He talks to friends on the computer a lot and i try to tell myself that he is trying to cheat, he's not. I never did seek counseling after my marriage was over or after a serious near fatal car accident that occured two months before my final hearing. He always said that, that accident was my suicide attempt. Am I doing things wrong, is there something i can do to stop all the stupid thoughts about the new love? Any help would be nice.

Sister,

First, take time to heal yourself.

Next, realize that NO ONE DESERVES TO BE BEATEN OR ABUSED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.
That is and was his weakness, not yours.

Then stop looking for your man to make a mistake. By doing so, he will make one. Just love him.

As for you ex, its not my business, but why is he still calling? If it is to talk with the child or children then leave it at that. You are required to answer to him for anything. That is called stalking.

I would learn to deal with these emotions before you marry again. I am not big on therapists, however, you may feel good speaking to one about your concerns.

God Bless.

Snoopy hit it on the head. I wanted to add a couple things. You said your X cheated on you. Your current bf is on the computer and the thought crosses your mind that he might be looking to cheat. Any counciler will tell you that you have some issues from the past that need to be dealt with. It's like, if your last BF always stood you up at resteraunts, the first time your new BF was 15 minutes late, you'ld freak. Have you ever petted a dod that has been abused? When you try to pat him on the head, he flinches. It's not the dog's fault, it just the way that he is used to being treated. Does this make any sense to you? Your ex cheated on you, it broke up your family, it caused you unbelievable pain. You're scared that your current will do the same. But you know that he won't. The thought is still in your head, and it won't leave. The persistent nagging of cheating men and the fear of getting your heart broken are preventing you from moving on in your life, and it's stopping your heart from healing. If you think that it might help you to heal to see a counciler, or some clergy, give it a shot. It would be horrible if your own fears drove a wedge between your B and yourself. You have to do something to heal before you lose him. You deserve happiness, I wish you the best, God Bless You, and your babies!!!