I know in a post to someone I had compared a relationship that had ended to a death in a person's life. There are steps that everyone goes thru. I went thru the Greving step, then why leave me step. Now I think I've take the hate him angry at him step.

Just last night I was thinking about what I have to get for the baby. Like many times my x came to mind. I felt so much anger toward him. I can't believe that he can't be there for the baby! How dare he speak badly of me? How dare he ignore the baby and it's coming in Deceber! I thought you know what I don't care if he comes around any more or if he calls. I'm happy w/sharing my pregnancy w/my son, friends and family. I know that there will be tons of people that will love this baby the way he will never be able too! Yes, I do admit it will be lonely and wish to have a good man by my side (particarly not the daddy, I said a good man ) but if it does not happen than I will survive.

I'm making plans on going back to school to further my eduation or trying to find a job that pertains to my A.D. in Human Services. I want so much out of life and know that if I stayed w/the dad I would not have had these chances. I would have been a mother to four children and two that would have been shoved on to me way to quicky. That would be his kids. I would have to give up so much for two children and a man that would have not appreacted it at all but taken it for granted. I would have lost out on time w/my son and new baby. To me that's not fair to me or my two kids. I've also come to the conculsion that no matter what my life is all about making my two kids happy and me happy. The man comes last!

I'm not 100% content w/the way things are going now but I feel after the baby is born and I'm able to follow thru on my plans I will be very close.

So I guess if there are five steps then I only have forginvess and appectance left. I think I will skip the forgivness and just accpect that the baby's father is a none caring jerk

I've dwelled to long on the past and something that I can't change so I will change my future and my life and children's life.

I like this feeling that I'm at right now. I don't need him. I look at friends at home and the friends here that are going thru the crap I went thru just recently and my heart goes out to them b/c it does take a long time to heal to this point. I'm not completely healed but I'm starting to be happier person again. I told my son that I loved being his mom and for the past two weeks the both of us have been doing wonderful. No fights not additude. He helps out so much more. Talks alot about the baby.

I'm just so glad everyone was here to help me thru my tuff times. I'm sure I'm have more issues as time goes on but that is only expected I'll always be there for anyone that needs me as well.

Thanks
SPIRIT

Spirit,

It's good to see you work thru the issues in your mind. Writing them down, and sharing them is a good way to process your feelings.

I am, as always, sorry you are going thru this. But, as you said - you do have many friends, family and those of us on SFV that care about you - and want the best for you and your kids!

Hang tuff!

^5

~to girl power~

Spirit,

WWWWWWooooooooooooooooo HHHHooooooooooooooooo!

Good for you girl. I can see better things on the horizon for you. I am not to far away from you in the terms of progress but I am far enough that I can say, Good job, I am proud of you. Keep it up and remember, it does get better!

Those steps do not happen to go forward much at all some days and seem to go backwards others. I am learning that but it does get better to our amazement and it will continue for you.

Hugs
:balloons: :balloon: :huggies:

You know, from alot of your posts ive read you sound really sweet. Looks to me like its his loss not yours.

Thanks everyone for the encourgament. Thank you lilangelsdad for the compliment.

SPIRIT

Spirit you don't have to forgive him, someday it will just happen, it will dawn on you that you forgave him and you don't even know when you didi it. I say this because you are a good, kind, and loving parent and person. Like the rest of your friends here at SFV. You may never understand him and you may never agree with his actions, but beacause of your nature you will forgive him someday. I for one am thankful that there are people like you and the rest of the SFV Angels and a place like this to talk with you about these kinds of issues. I have grown so much as a person, because of the people here that have helped me sometimes with tough love.

I am happy for you that you are moving ahead, and wish you the best of everything for you and your kids.

you're right dali. I did forgive my son's father and did not competely realize it unit about a year ago. I think part of it was b/c finally he thanked me for raising our son the best I could have on my own. I hope someday I can forgive this baby's father b/c there is not reason to carry so much hate around for one person. He is SOOOOO not worth it.

I have to agree that there are some really great people on SFV including yourself. Thank god for all of you.

SPIRIT

Your right he is not worth it, and thank you so much for the compliment. I don't know if I deserve it in the company of really great members like Don, B, Mark, JD, you and everyone else that have been such friends to me since I got here. But I appreciate that someone might think I do.

quote:

Originally posted by dalilamakarma:
[qb] Your right he is not worth it, and thank you so much for the compliment. I don't know if I deserve it in the company of really great members like Don, B, Mark, JD, you and everyone else that have been such friends to me since I got here. But I appreciate that someone might think I do. [/qb]

I have talked several times about all the great daddies that are in here. When I think of that list you and the ones listed are the ones who come to mind as with many of the others in the site. I feel lucky to know such wonderful examples of daddies. You deserve to be in that group. The mommies are pretty wonderful in here too. We are all just trying to do the best we can for our kids. In my eyes that is what makes you the best daddy or mommy is when you keep their best interests at heart.