Hello, I'm not sure where else to go, so I thought I'd give this a try... I've talked to some friends, and because they are my friends, they only tell me what I want to hear. But sometimes I just can't get over this feeling that I hate my life, and want my old one back...

You see, I'm a single mom, and my son is almost 4 now. His father is still very much a part of his life, he see's him once or twice during the week and every other weekend. And I still very much hate his father, however I do the best I can to get along with him for my son. However, there are days - sometimes more, sometimes less - when I just want to give my son to his father and be done with them both. Not have to worry about dealing with his father anymore, not have to worry about being a mom anymore, not have to worry about all the stress that is a part of being a single mom, not have any of that anymore! I think about it a lot! I really really wish my life was different and I can't shake this feeling this time, I want to quit, I want to give up. I just want it all over!! There are even times when I'm having a bad day, I know that I take it out on my son because I resent having him, I really wish I didn't. I hate the fact that I still have to deal with having his father in my life because of him, and I day dream of what it would be like to not have to deal with any of that anymore, I just don't think I can... I don't know what to do... I've been considering moving away and leaving my son with his father. His father has a stable family life with two other children now too, and I know my son would have a great home there...

Am I going crazy? Is there something wrong with me? Is it okay to feel this way? Is there anything I can do... Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to freak out and run away and never come back, just go crazy so they can lock me up away from the life that I'm growing more and more disturbed with every day...

You know what? It is okay to feel this way. I say that because it is just feelings no matter how huge and overwhelming they may seem at times. Is it okay to act on those feelings? That's another story and I'd tell you this......consider seeing a counselor to talk to, hang out here and vent some of those feelings and share what you are going through. It can and has so very often made a big difference for people.
Know this regardless. I don't even know you but I can gaurantee that if you up and left your son that he would be emotionally hurt. Please consider finding some local support/counseling and keep in touch here as well. Face those feelings and become stronger as a result, you and your son will both benefit from it in the end.

TC1,

I've been there myself. I have come to realize you do the best you can with what you have. I never wanted to be a single divorced mother, and I never wanted to raise my children the way that I did, alone. I think you have to let yourself mourn the past before you can move on to your future.

Sometimes you have to build your life up one brick at a time.. you'll find the courage you don't think you have and you'll find the strenght you need to carry on.

Like Don said .... find some support. Call a church i your area or speak to your doctor about the way you are feeling. You will find a lot of people out there willing to help you if you ask. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for asking.

Don't give up!!

One of the first things I thought of when my ex left was, I can't do this on my own (I still think of it at times, but then I look back at the last 5 months and say wholly cow, I've made it this far already ...)

I even went so far as to request information for immigrating to Australia, I've always wanted to go there and thought, wow, this would be the perfect time. But it's not. I have been such an integral part of my daughter's life for the past 7 years, I'm not going to take that away from her. And yes, there have been times that I've resented having her, wondering why the heck I didn't get out the relationship before my daughter was even conceived. Then I realized that I was spending my time worrying and wondering what if, about something that happened and I could do nothing about. She's here, she's mine and now I have to make sure that I don't resent or regret anything having to do with her from here on out. Sometimes, all we can do is just be, be there for our children, even if there is nobody else. We have to learn that it's ok, it's not natural, but it's ok. We as human beings need to be with others, but it's ok to be on our own for a while too. But remember, as long as we have kids, we are never alone, even when they aren't with us.

I, too, have been feeling alot of resentment towards my single-parent situation. I feel as if I can't do anything for myself: can't go away, can't move to TX since my kids don't want to move back...I have to worry about working only certain days so that I can be available for my kids' extra-curricular activities.

My kids are getting old enough that I should really be grateful that they are less dependent on me. But there are yet other things that seem to prevent me from doing what I want. After so many years of taking care of my kids (even while I was married), I feel I desperately need a break.

I have been where you are. I have two children who are 3 and 5 and there are some days when I would like to just give them to their father and dissapear. It's harder when you have depression and deeper issue to work on too. I would agree with one of the other replies that mentioned counseling because Im in counseling right now too.
Some days are harder than others. Some days you just want to give up. Some times the feelings are just too much to take or so it would seem. And thats when you should stop and take a deep breath and be in the moment. Take it minute by minute if you have to but know that it won't always feel like this. That feelings come and go but your child came into your life for a reason. Rather than react to how your feeling sit down and think about it, talk about it, write about it. Only you can decide what is right for you but as a single parent just remember that every decision you make can and often does affect your childs life. For better or worse, you're in it together.


Sadie

I wonder if there is a single parent alive who hasn't secretly wanted to chuck it all. There was a time when my ex-husband first left that I seriously thought of giving my son up for adoption - now that thought horrifies me! It does get better. You need support. I hope you find someone to talk to. Deal with the depression sooner rather than later. Best wishes.

I've felt exactly the same way.
Except that i dont want to run away.
I want to die.

Me too! But now I have 3 kids and am still a single parent. I made it through and so can you! Find a couselor, IT WILL REALLY HELP.

There's a song that I've come to like. Hate my life, by Theory of a Deadman. At first I thought it fit me, but now I like it because it's funny, and I realized I don't hate my life. Also, when I first listened to the CD, I thought they were aiming their songs at one of their ex's. Turns out, they're aimed at the lead singers mom, because she left. Something to think about ...

Also, I heard something a couple weeks ago that pertains to being at a place in life. Someone plans a vacation to a foreign country, they have everything setup, where they are staying, sights they are going to see. They get off the plane, and whoops, they are in a different country. It's not at all where they wanted to be, but they still make the best of it, and they come out with a great story to boot (note - I don't think this actually happened as it was referred to on a morning talk show as a what if).

Take it one day at a time. Set some goals. Keep yourself busy. I found that exercise gives me confidence, and a sense of well being. I've even found an old friend and joined his softball team, and I thought I had nothing to do but sit around the house all the time.

Take care. A trip of a thousand steps, begins with a single step, then another and another ...