I had a rough night night last night sleeping, got into a depressed mood and cried alittle. The problem is my work hours mostly. No one at work understands. I work at a hospital 12 hour shift starting at 7am (so my 5 yearold goes to the babsitter at 6am) then i get off by 7pm technically but in reality 10pm when everything is finsihed. I pick her up at the babysitters-sometimes she stays alseep in the car but mostly wakes up then its close to 11pm before she is officially into bed. That not healthy for anyone. But what choice does she or I have? I don't have the extra parent at home to help her go to bed, and that was strictly my choice- my doing- my asking for the divorce! So why does she have to suffer?
At work, there is schedule conflicts. I don't want to work three 12 hours shift in a row for that reason- thats three nights she is up late. But by time the schedule gets around to me- thats all that is left to work. No one at work understands why that is such a big deal- they are not single parents. The one what complains so much about her schedule (if she has to work some many fridays, etc.) is the girl who is early 20's only been there 3 years, does not have children or school committment. I have been there almost 15 years and is seriously thinking about quitting and finding something else with better hours not so late in the evening- but I am in debt so much (half of my salary per year- from assuming all the credit card debt from the marriage) to quit is not a option- I need to find another job first with good medical insurance and the same amount of pay- which I know proabably doesn't exist. I am very down lately about this and angry and stressed out so much I couldn't sleep well last night. Thanks for listening to me whine.

I hope you feel a tiny bit better now.
What you need is a little rest, to think it over, to be able to imagine new solutions. A little help...maybe a neighbour can babysit your child for a day a week, that way she can sleep in her own bed...maybe a friend can take her now and then, and stay at your house.
Right now you find yourself in front of a problem like in front of a huge wall, and without any solution in sight. It's good to express the problem like you did. I'm sure solutions can be found. I really am thinking of you, maybe making a connection over the pond, from Europe to America. You can find solutions for you and your daughter. You will.
Dew

I go through the same feelings alot, atwitsend.

I hate the fact that I miss out on so much of my daughter's school year activities that stay at home moms are able to enroll their kids in and also attend.

I'm not sure if I'm reading right, but you work 3-12 hour days? Are you off for the rest of the week? I know that must be hard on her to not see you all day, and go to bed so late at night. Do you have the rest of the week to spend with her?

I work two days during the week 12 hour shifts then work every other weekend, the eekends she supposed to be with her dad but usually the babysitter- so the two during the week may be back to back with weekend shifts totally 4. Those are the real bad times. I do have the other days off but she is in school, comes home, homework, dinner, in bed by 8 or 9 pm. So ?I can't say thats great time together, she sleeps and I try to sleep.I thinking about working two jobs sometimes to pay off this huge debt but then she will sleep less and I will see her less. I am just upset and confused about what is best.

Hey,

The first year that I was a single parent, I tried a couple different things. First, I invited a friend and a relative to live with me. lol...the friend was a musician, and never had money...but he could be an adult to stay in the house with my son (especially when he was sleeping). The relative was actually my ex-wife's brother; he was much like the musician. Have you ever considered getting a roommate? Really...if you're immediately saying, "that's ridiculous", take a minute to consider it...they'd be company...they'd save your child nighttime car rides...they'd probably save you money even...

The year after I became a single parent, I moved to an apartment downstairs from my babysitter. Would it be possible for you to move? Even if you just got closer to work or the daycare, it could cut down on your hassle.

You said that you were the person who asked for the divorce? Is the father dangerous? If not, have you asked him to watch your daughter on the nights where you work late?

Later,
Bobby

Thanks Big Bobby for the suggestion. A roommate would be nice but I already live in a small apartment with my daughter -physically not enough room. Asking the father is definitely out of the question for many reasons- he is not very involved, he wouldn't be able to drive her to school, and there is no communication between the two of us becasue of an op. I am jsut wondering how other single parents manage working late and having a school age child- with my hectic scedule- and not having the support of the other parent. I really think finding a job with other hours may be my only solution- as long as it isn't a pay cut and it has good insurance. I really need to get out of this "single parent" funk I am in but it really has been getting to me lately.

Oh dear, try to get another job if possible or atleast try to get something which suits your life style better. One day or the other you will have to do it.. Its now or never.