My depression is back and on strong. The only thing that gets me going in the morning is Kai. I feel so empty and just awful inside. I dont know what to do anymore. I need help but I just dont think it's worth it anymore. I try so hard to be positive but tonight, it's gone. So much for positive reinforcements. This whole vacation thing was a bad idea and I should have just stayed home. Just venting, dont mind me.

Sweetie, where did you go? What do you do to deal with the depression? You sound really down, hang in there. PM if you need a shoulder to cry on. I am here for you. Go see your doctor.

I'm here too hun. You know where to find me.

Alim, I went to bed. Tried to get some sleep. Had a few rough nightmares last night. I kind of wish I could go without sleep. That would be nice then I wouldn't have nightmares. And seeing that I am out of state until the 27th, my doctor is going to have to wait, however, I am making an appointment with a therapist for when I get back. Lately, to deal with things I have been meditating and trying some yoga but they aren't working anymore. I just can't seem to get out of this funk. It's like I try and it pulls me back down. I just want to go home but then I have more problems there than here. I dont want to be on vacation anymore. It's so hard trying to act like I'm happy when I'm not. I feel exhausted. I dont want to go on meds again because I hate feeling like I have to depend on something else to get me through every day. I have to keep a smile and tell everyone "yup, i'm fine" when really I feel like i'm dying inside. My heart is closed off to everyone. I dont dare talk about what's going on inside my head with anyone. I am just lost!