Hello everyone. My name is susan. I live in PA ( anyone else from PA?)
I am going to be a single mom soon. I am trying to move out of my current living situation with my boyfriend of 4 years. Its not the healthiest relationship. But i am finding it hard to get out. The relationship isnt abusive or anything. We just fight constantly and the environment isnt good.
I have been having major depression since i decided to leave. My x is making me feel horrible for taking my children away from thier home. And i dont know where to begin starting my life over again. He supported me...and now i need to support 2 kids. I find it easier just to stay....even if its not a happy relationship. I feel like a failure. I hope to find someone that understands how im feeling...and a shoulder to support me.

First off, welcome aboard. You have come to a great place as many of us have been through what you're experiencing right now.

Secondly, do you love him? You say he's not abusive - what's the main issue? Why are you arguing all the time? Can this be resolved through family counselling? Have you made up your mind but are just afraid to make the move?

This is such a difficult step to take. It really is. I called the mover's company 3-4 times before I actually went through with it. It's depressing; it's overwhelming; it's stressful..

it's also uplifting; liberating; and amazing once you're on the other side of that door. Don't let fear itself stop you. Don't worry about the what if's just yet. If you are going to worry about all the unanswered questions now, you'll never gain the courage to leave.

When I left my ex, I didn't have a place to live; no job; no post-secondary education; $30 in my bank account; no support; a 10 mnth old with health concerns; no car; our local transit system was even on strike - I had to WALK everywhere to get anything done. I didn't let that stop me. You'll be surprised at how motivated you'll get once you're put in a desperate situation.

There are many options for you to choose from. Take it one step at a time and one day at a time. Stop listening to your ex because right now, he's petrified of losing you. He'll say just about anything to keep you from going. Do what your gut is telling you and don't look back.

I won't lie - it'll be hard. Expect a year full of uncertainties (more or less).. but the way I look at it, what's ONE year out of the rest of your life? You'll pull through. You just have to give it a chance and a little time.

Best of luck. We're here for ya.
Hugs!

Do i love him?? I love him, yes. But it is more than that now. Its not abusive in the physical sense...and im not even sure if its verbal either. Our story is a long one, filled with drama....that i dont want anymore. I spent this entire past summer in pain. He was never there..he lost his job. He spent the summer with his friends collecting unemployment. I got pushed in the house with the kids. I felt neglected, unloved, and i started to doubt myself. This wasnt the first time he has acted like that either. It just got worst last summer. I told him during the summer that i wanted out..he told me i'd never make it on my own. The around the end of sept he started to want to be with me again. He'd ask me to stay home...spend time with him. And i realized that my life was becoming a cycle. I was unhappy...and my children didnt deserve to see me like that. Ever since then i decided i needed to get out.
Easier said than done. I have no personal savings. I work...but that money gets put towards living here....which i cant afford on my own either. How in the world do i get ahead???

Well for starters, why don't you put you name down for subsidized housing. You probably won't get in for a while yet but it's a good back-up plan for sometime down the future. Do you own your house? If so, you can sell it and use that money to get you by for a while or buy something you CAN afford. It doesn't have to be your dream home - just somewhere to start yourself off with.

If you don't own, rent yourself another place. Take a one-bedroom for now if you have to. Get yourself your own space so you can sort things out. Do you have family or friends you can move in with?

You work. That's better than some. Can you afford to live with a single income?

You can also apply for child support. Eventually your bf WILL have a job.

Have you tried counselling first? If you still love him and he's not wanting you to leave, maybe this could be an alternative - at least for now. See what will come of it. If there are children involved I would maximize all options before giving up all together. If you've done that already then refer to the beginning of my post.

It'll be hard for a little while but it's not going to be forever.

No...we rent our home. And even moving out and renting looks hard. He watches the kids the majority of the time. I need to find a full time babysitter while i work. In order to move out i need, security, 1 st and last months rent possibly, odds and ends for the apartment, it all seems so hard. I have nothing now. I have no family to move in with. My mom and dad live in a little 1 bedroom place. And my sister has a family of her own and no room. My family isnt exactly the greatest.

He has 2 kids already that he doesnt pay childsupport for....so im not exactly counting on anything from him.

For me its beyond couseling. I suggested it before. HE told me i need the counseling. Not him. i have tried everything. And now that i decided i want out....thats when he is wanting to try. And i dont think thats fair. I suffered so bad mentally....and i dont want to anymore.