Rays of light glowing.
Weave shadows once deep.
Dark candles now faded.
Awaiting serene sleep.
Forget all the darkness.
And sadness you wear.
Tomorrow will hold better.
For what today could not bare.

Wow,,,my heart is actually racing, could it be that I am not alone? Its been almost 3 years and the feeling of dispare isnt getting better,going away as I thought it would...its so much worse. I lost my job last week, my daughter whom has so much strength is my only pure happiness. I look around at people,happy in their perfect worlds and I wonder how do I get that feeling of peace back, I did have it once a long time ago, similar feeling as when you were a child and not having a care in the world, but playing Hide and go Seek. Now I only hide. I do not go out, I am constantly on guard at anyones intentions. I would rather be alone than ever to feel the pain of being betrayed again. My family only sees someone strong, I dont let anyone know my pain, to do so would be a burden to them, my father asks me if I needed money.... I said no, but inside I was screaming that I only wanted a hug. Does it ever come back, is there a time when the peace comes back??

On two notes:

Depression is a serious illness, that should in no way go untreated. There are so many doctors, medications (Rx and holistic), support groups and chat groups such as this that can help. I have been battling with it for most of my life and no first hand you can not just hide and ignore it. It will only get worse if you allow it. You have your daughter to think of and believe at some point in her life she will be affected by this. Be strong and do this for her if not for yourself. Get some kind of help.

Second note:

It does and will get better. Once you treat your depression you will feel so much better. You also need to take time for yourself, even if it's only a few minutes a day. Pick up some kind of hobby, outlet, activity that focuses just on you. You will be a much better person, mother if you are happy from within. I know how it feels to be all alone. I have no help from anyone, friends or family. I am raising two girls, teen and toddler. It takes time but, life is too short to waste it being depressed, sad and lonely.

I am here if you need someone to talk to but, please don't ignore this and hope it will go away on its own.

Thanks, I understand what your saying and agree, I also need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be more positive...Today I went to see about school, scarey thought but I know I have to do something. This depression, is hard for me to admit, my family is European and we are taught not to accept depression. You get what you give..lol Anyways thanks for your reply, much appreciated

Hey it's ok to feel sorry for yourself once and a while. We as single parents have a lot on our plates. We just have to be strong and stick together. Hope today is better for you.

As a survivor of depression, I highly recommend short term medication therapy. I went on a low dose antidepressive for about 4 months after dealing with grieving for my father who I watched rapidly die from cancer. It really helped me through a hard time, helped me get on a program to better myself and my surroundings. I also recommend excercise, (UGH!), but it really really helps. Even something as little as a 15 minute walk every other day. I have a stationary bike that I ride when the mood hits. Find a hobby, or some little activity that makes you feel good (hot baths, reading, window shopping, baking, anything!). I found that keeping myself active and productive made me feel so much better. I once cleaned out a closet that had been ignored for years, and wow did I feel such a high when I was done "I accomplished something!"... It sounds small, but the little triumph really will lift your spirit. I also kept a journal, writing in it when my feelings were overflowing. I still keep the journal today, even though I only write in it once and a while, it is good for the soul to write, express yourself, when you know no one will ever read your thoughts, a kind of freedom to let all the emotion out. I also met with a therapist a couple times, and though it wasn't for me, it may be good for you. Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is a true disease, a chemical imbalance in your brain and it needs to be treated as a curable illness. Hope I've helped a little. Always remember as dark as today is, the sun will always shine again tomorrow.