I don't understand this, and I long to.... About a week before my wonderful monthly friend comes, I turn into a different person. It feels like... I don't even know what to call it. Here's an example situation:

I'm at home. Kids are playing, making a mess, as usual. No big deal. I ask them to clean up. They don't. This whole time I'm probably restless, in a bad mood, thinking very dark thoughts (think near suicidal). As soon as my kids don't do as they are told, I lose it. I start yelling, I throw things (not at them, at the wall normally), I start crying uncontrollably, then I break down and wish I had no kids and no life. I cry for a long time, all the while not watching my kids and not really caring about what they are doing.

Another example:
On my way home from work, thinking about how crappy the day was just because I couldn't lift my spirits, and forseeing the kids behavior in the previous example. I get off my exit, see a big embankment, and think "No one would care if I went down that in my car and wrecked and didn't live through it"...

I don't know what to call this. It scares me. And the strange thing is, the day I start, it's gone. And I'm as close to normal as I was before. Not that my normal is very normal... I know I'm depressed. Haven't found meds to help yet. Has anyone experienced this, and what do you recommend?? Is there a name for it? I just don't understand it. I hate me during that week. And I it's creeping in right now... I wanted my daughter to stand still for a photo, she wouldn't, and I almost lost it.....

Why???

Adrianne sorry you are experiencing this. It is real and very controlable.
I'm going to PM you.

I don't really know much about what hormones cause what, but it may be possible that your homone levels are imbalanced. Maybe see your doctor and ask if he/she can do a blood test and test your homones. We have so many different hormones and they all change at different types of the month. I know that my hormones are imbalanced. I have to get hormone shots 3 times a month to balance them out. But I've never experienced what you seem to be experiencing. Maybe it's just different hormones... Or maybe it's a mixture of imbalanced hormones and depression. You say you've never found a med to work for your depression? Maybe you have more than just depression... Have you been tested for bipolar? Like, do you have manic days and then depressed days? Hormones can trigger one or the other if you are more susceptible to those kinds of moods.

I'm just offering ideas....I could be way off, I'm not a doctor. Although I wouldn't mind the salary!

It's called PMS!

I worked with my gynochologist (sp) and have seen a lot of improvement. Lately, it seems to happen more AFTER aunt flow comes to visit than before.

Miss Harmony ~ if you have some great advice about this .. please - pm me too. Leaving my ex, and reducing the stress in my life helped a LOT...but I would certainly welcome any tips & tricks ya got!

Adrianne ... I am sorry you are going thru this. :huggies: :huggies: :huggies:

Thanks all....

I haven't been tested for bipolar, but think more and more that I should. I don't want to have that disorder, though, and I think that is what keeps me from going to be tested. I'm scared of it. I've known two people very well that had it, and one has commited suicide. The other is so unstable she can't hold even the simplest job. It's very scary to me. I know I would never hurt my kids and I think that is part of what makes me not want them when I feel the rage coming. I know I need to see my OB/GYN, but I have to be re-established as a new patient, since I have not seen the one I want to see in over 4 years (because of the 3 1/2 yrs in VA). And right now, it will be about 3 weeks before they can get me in as a new pt. I have a day off Nov. 14 (I think) to apply for Medicaid for my kids, so I'm going to try to get an appt for that day. I want to see what he thinks. That particular OB/GYN recognized after my daughter was born that I didn't have post-partum depression, but post-partum anxiety disorder and gave my Klonipin, which made a world of difference.

Gosh, the bipolar thing scares me, but knowing my two friends and their symptoms, and knowing some about the disorder, and being able to recognize my uncontrollable behaviors, makes me think that I am a great candidate for it. Bipolar is aka manic depression... Pull my earlier post and first example (which has happened--more than once): manic- the yelling and throwing things and uncontrollable rage. depression- the breakdown and crying and not caring and suicidal thoughts...

Geez... that is just dandy, huh?? I call it psycho until I get treatment.

I think Inni is right.
Getting in to the OBGYN is a very important step.
Because the timing is so regular, it screams pms.
There are many different levels, yours sounds extreme
Diet is a large factor in controlling the range of spikes.
The body needs to be running as cleanly as possible for it to handle these spikes as efficiently as possible. If it is busy handling a ton of chemicals and poor foods it has no resources to deal with the imbalance.
By diet I don't mean to use the word diet as it relates to losing pounds, but in the sense of clean food sources and reducing the chemicals you feed your body.
Fast food, over processed foods, soda pops, artificial sweeteners, excessive alcohol, smoking. etc.
Make as many good choices as possible, along with following through with the OBGYN.

Hey Inni - there is post menstrual syndrome too.
The female body - don't you love all these issues...

Adrianne ... hang in there... it's so very rough to be a single parent and have any other issue on top of it!

Oh yeah, Harmony ... if it's not pre it's post... and then... just when you think it's safe...along comes menapause ... haha

Being a woman sure is a blessing, isn't it!!

LOL

quote:

Originally posted by inni:
[qb] Adrianne ... hang in there... it's so very rough to be a single parent and have any other issue on top of it!

Oh yeah, Harmony ... if it's not pre it's post... and then... just when you think it's safe...along comes menapause ... haha [/qb]

I am woman hear me ROAR

Thanks for all the advice, all of you, and from the PM's... I have read those too. Today was a pretty good day. Yesterday, not so much. But today, so far, so good. I'm going to take my kids out to dinner now, wish me luck... I hope all goes well!!

Good luck! Don't worry if they spill something, or climb around, or stare at the couple making out in the booth behind you ... etc etc etc *smile* .. just enjoy having someone else do the cooking, and being with your kiddies!

It's happening again... almost like clockwork... I hate this. I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear. And I can't find one person that understands... at least, no one that I've actually told about this. I broke a window in the kids room over the weekend... I just can't do this anymore... I don't know who to go to for help... I'm scared if I do go get help and tell someone (like a counselor) about all of this... they'll take my kids, for fear they are in danger. I would never hurt them... everything else, on the other hand... what do I do?

Breathe, girl. I've been where you are, which was in part why my marriage became a 20 car pile up.
Leaving aside issues from your side of the chromosone, everything's treatable, whether you have chronic depression, bi-polar disease or PTSD (which BTW is possible, it's not just for Vets anymore...). I used to rage and break things and scare the bejesus out of my family - followed by a black depression that was almost impossible to pull out of alone. Which I was cause people didn't want to come near me. I finally broke down after a great deal of therapy and agreed to try meds. It's made a world of difference for me. Getting back to your doctor, OB-GYN or otherwise is key. Please do it so we can all not worry about you.

Almost like clockwork. You have a strong pms that from what I understand they are now prescribing Serafem (not sure if that is it) but you can take it 2 weeks out of the month basically. It is a form of Prozac I believe but I'm not sure, going on memory here.

I think just get to your doctor and explain it all... there are things that can help. Definitely seems like it is from a big and fast hormone swing.

I have to say, I can get like that too.... although as long as I remember to get outside and get things cleaned up and organized BEFORE it somehow it seems to keep my thoughts clearer and more level-headed when it hits. If it hits and I haven't done the bills and the house needs cleaning and there is a todo list as long as the Eiffel Tower I'm at my worst. If I keep up or catch up with things a bit before and am being productive I can deal with it a bit more easily.

Hey Adrianne I would definately look into depresion but if it was Manic you would swing to times when you are on cloud nine and cant come down.I would go get the hormones checked and then I would go to my family dr. and have them look in to depression.Hope things get better for you.I tried suicide and let me tell you it was a huge mistake in my life.The thought when your head goes there are irrational please go see someone and work through this.We would missyou and so would your babies,boyfriend.Also you need to be around to **** the life out of your ex so your kids get there needs met.Love Gail