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sick and tired here again. Hate to sound like im complaining daily but im finding myself so , like my subject says so alone i think im going insane. From reading the boards here i know im not the only person who feels friendless in the world, but im man i really feel like im totally abnormal anyway. Being home all day and unemployed and with only my homework to do, i feel kind of trapped.
Afraid of being rejected if i try to go and do something in the real world as i dont know anyone in this town, and frankly i think im a bit afraid to try as i tried to make friends for so long with no results ive given up totally.
I dont sleep anyone, havent slept for 4 years , regualarly and have insomnia almost every night now. On top of non stop crying about this stupid fear of rejection, i dont see how i can ever get a job or meet any decent man, if one exists.
Probably just pitying myself today, but im so tired of being alone and afraid. Really hurts your feelings and makes you not want to try anymore.
Im just afraid this weird way of exisiting is my life. Not sure what i can do.
Hi, have you ever thought about checking into some counseling. Someone to talk to that can give you some insight as to the "depth" of your feelings. I know many of us can relate to the feelings you describe from time to time, but we won't always feel them to the same degree as the next person. Check into seeing what type of counseling might be available for you there locally, even contact social services if that's what you need to do to talk with someone.
Posts: 4659 | Location: California | Registered: 15 January 2004
I totally feel you, sweetheart!! I moved to a relatively new town right after the birth of my son and I felt the same way. There are still some days when I feel really alone and isolated and intimidated. It's a huge step to leave the father of your child/children behind and make the steps into a big, new, scary world. Don't expect yourself to make instant friends or just slide right into the social/work life there, it will take time. I stay home with my son all day, too, and I know exactly where you're coming from. It's hard not to get a little down and feel bad about yourself when there is no one calling your phone or writing you or coming over on a regular basis. I'm slowly starting to make some really good friends and find a healthy balance between my mothering duties and my own silly selfish ones. You will do the same. Until then, just know that there are thousands of other mothers out there, sitting at home, feeling the same way and that we'll all be okay!! Mad love!
Posts: 31 | Location: Chattanooga | Registered: 30 September 2004
I agree with Don. Fear of rejection is one thing but isolating yourself from the world around you, is not going to get you where you want to be. If you don't like this "weird existing life" of yours then you'll have to take some steps in changing that for yourself. We all need some emotional support from time to time. It doesn't make us any less of a person when we do.
We need to heal from the inside-out before we're ever able to allow anyone else into our hearts - whether its through friendships or lovers.
Take any step ..
Posts: 2766 | Location: SFV | Registered: 04 December 2004
I am so sorry that you feel this way. I only hope that you can somehow pull yourself out of it. Do you have family around? I also agree that counseling would help. You deserve to be happy, just like anyone else in your situation. Good luck!!
Posts: 37 | Location: Salt Lake City, Utah | Registered: 06 February 2005
Originally posted by Don: [qb] Hi, have you ever thought about checking into some counseling. Someone to talk to that can give you some insight as to the "depth" of your feelings. I know many of us can relate to the feelings you describe from time to time, but we won't always feel them to the same degree as the next person. Check into seeing what type of counseling might be available for you there locally, even contact social services if that's what you need to do to talk with someone. [/qb]
Actually im in counseling, just switching counselors but its hard as im not working and cant really afford it and yet im trying to have my daughter and myself go. Im getting the impression that im now like a troublemaker at this place since i requested a new counselor, but i felt like the lady i was seeing , well just wasnt someone i could relate or chat to, you know.
I seem to be getting treated now like im some difficult person, now because of this , which is annoying as i think you have a right to be comfortable with someone your telling your personal business to, dont you think?
Im exhausted with just trying to get some counselor to understand my point of view on this and just trying to get someone who seems interested in listening, professionally, its not easy to get a good fit and i think for it to work i need that.
Originally posted by JoshuaPaytonsMom: [qb] I totally feel you, sweetheart!! I moved to a relatively new town right after the birth of my son and I felt the same way. There are still some days when I feel really alone and isolated and intimidated. It's a huge step to leave the father of your child/children behind and make the steps into a big, new, scary world. Don't expect yourself to make instant friends or just slide right into the social/work life there, it will take time. I stay home with my son all day, too, and I know exactly where you're coming from. It's hard not to get a little down and feel bad about yourself when there is no one calling your phone or writing you or coming over on a regular basis. I'm slowly starting to make some really good friends and find a healthy balance between my mothering duties and my own silly selfish ones. You will do the same. Until then, just know that there are thousands of other mothers out there, sitting at home, feeling the same way and that we'll all be okay!! Mad love! [/qb]
Thanks. Well thats good that your able to make some new connections and all. Its just that with me, i really feel like 17 years, since i was 18 of being alone says that there is something seriously defective about me. I have spent all this time alone, and have tried to get therapy before, but again , got a bad fit, then gave up as i was busy being mother and father to only one child, but still that takes alot of work, for me anyway, as no one was helping me out whatsoever.
Everytime i have sought help , i either had to keep working to pay the bills, her father is a useless bag of skin who would never put her first in any way above himself, and his parents have always taken the position of he is always the good guy and guess whos the bad. It drives you insane. I keeep the jobs, i dont get evicted from apartment, fired from job after job , i dont make 3 kids and keep them a secret for years but im the one expected to do everything without complaint and thats so unbelievabling frustrating.
Especially since ive tried to make friends , and havent been able to , not even at the place i worked for 4 wasted years of my life, they werent interested in me and i hated being a secretary and felt totally alone there anyway so i gave up i think.
I just think ive been alone for so long now that i t would have been better if i had been born a rock. Im sorry but thats how i feel.
Originally posted by taitai: [qb] I am so sorry that you feel this way. I only hope that you can somehow pull yourself out of it. Do you have family around? I also agree that counseling would help. You deserve to be happy, just like anyone else in your situation. Good luck!! [/qb]
A sister across town,to whom i dont speak. Another one in Chicago will call every now and again, has her own issues like everyone, and my mother well we dont have much to say to one another either at least for the last 2 years. Spoke at Christmas and thats pretty much it.
We were never close as a family , and certainly not with our relatives either. No i rely on myself and get things done i suppose , but have no idea what fun is though, what it would be like to actually be able to rely on someone and have them actually be there for you, that would be something new for me.
Sounds all very self pitying i know, but i am just so sick and tired of being and still feeling like i dont belong anywhere. Feeling incapable of being a person who matters to someone is really a horrible feeling.
GottaBaby has a good point, sleep deprivation can have a big part in how you are feeling as well. Something to check into. I would think a good counselor would have suggestions for where to go for that.
And you have every right to ask for a different counselor if you are not comfortable with a particular one. You are right, it is important.
Posts: 4659 | Location: California | Registered: 15 January 2004
I agree about asking for a new counsellor. I went to counselling when I was in high school and my counsellor went on Mat leave for a while. I saw the guy that I was assigned to a couple of time and he just made me feel really stupid. I stopped going to counselling until my counsellor returned from mat leave.
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