been getting really down lately......been missing her alot, its been over a year now but now that she's living with her dad i dont get to see my son as much just on my days i've bee calling her alot and i know i shouldn't but i dont have anything else to do when i'm @ home all i do is think about her and him and our lives together and i start getting depressed cause everytime i bring up why she wont give me a 2nd chance she gets mad and tells me its not what she wants........but when the going gets really tough my phone rings and then i'm superman to the rescue not only for but for my baby boy too.......went to a therapist like 6 months ago but it didnt help much talkin about it just made me cry alot but it didnt change nothing or the way i feel about her still care for her very much and i can't make it go away

In order for you to get over her, you have to be willing to let her go. From reading your posts, it's obvious that you're still confused on this topic. You have posted a bit about moving on, but you also post about how much you still love and want her.

The simple answer is that you can't will someone else to want what you want. If she is done and moving on, sometimes we have no choice but to put our hearts in our back pocket and walk away. It's much much easier said than done, but it is possible, you just have to be willing to accept it.

More than likely your feelings for her will never go away. In most cases they will fade a bit, but my feelings for my son's mother and my ex-wife have never gone away. To this day I would do anything that I could to help either of them in their time of need, but I am not going to freely offer to do so.

At this point, it is time for you to begin damage control. If you saw a therapist and it did nothing for you, try a different one. Not all people are created equal, and not all treatments are right for everyone. It sounds to me that you are still in the mourning stages of your relationship, and you have set up camp refusing to move on. You need to stop pitying yourself and the hand you've been dealt, and you need to begin playing the game with what you have left.

Want me to state it in a different light?? Will you be more beneficial to your son as a mopey and depressed person who clings to the past for everything that you have wishing that you could change it, or as a man who accepts change and displays the ability to move on from conflict and heartache and overcome your demons??

Keep your head up and work to get your life back on track and to a place where you can truly enjoy it. Enjoy being a father and enjoy being yourself. Stop looking at your relationship with your ex as what you lost and want back, and celebrate it by being grateful it happened and relish in it. Consider it a stepping stone in your life, and begin moving forward....

-J

PS: If you truly want her back, begging her and pleading won't work. You need to display the confidence that caught her in the first place, and if SHE wants to give you another shot, the moment she sees you moving on, she will reach out to you.....Not saying this is a reason for you to move on, as it's not, but you will be much more attractive as a confident and successful person as opposed to a shell of your former self.

I agree with what Joey stated. I as well still have feelings for my daughter's father and would probably do what I could to help him if he really needed it even though I haven't seen him in 3 years . . . but I have moved on and am doing better than ever regarding that relationship failure.

Sometimes it takes more heart to let go than to hold on.

thanks TD i appreciate the advise.......i've been through that before and it is just the waiting part that makes it hurt the most waiting for the feels to not bother me no more,waiting to for time to go by where i wont think about it like i do.......having the strength to say no to her and be able to live with it and not feel guilty about it.....i've heard all what you've said before its just that i start to feel like i can do it something goes really wrong for her and we end up together or i end up being right by her side to take care of her and the only reason i do it is cause no one else will and its not that i feel sorry for her its just that i still love her if those feels weren't there for me i would say yes if she asked instead of always asking.......but it also brings me to my son and i never want him to have a thought in his mind where he thought his dad couldhave been there for his mommy and he choose not to be, not help her.........that is my greatest fear.......and i thought really moving on would help by going out there finding someone else but in my heart i know it wouldn't be right for the other person cause my heart just wouldn't be in and i would hate for someone to want to be there for me and my mind and heart wouldnt be there for them, so i guess i still have alot of growing and soul searching to do before i can ever be anything to anyone......dont think anyone would want me the way i am now