I dont know what I am. Meaning that it seems that I am losing control of my mind, BUT is it depression or jsut too much stress? I dont know.

I am moving and my friends and family here are not happy about it, so they are giving me more grieve about it. STRESS.

I feel like and do cry almost every night. DEPRESSION.

My son doesnt listen anymore so I am being more and more strict with him and everyone is mad at me because I am taking priviledges away from him. STRESS.

I feel so alone and that I am being put into a corner and I am starting to get really defensive. Even towards my son. Dont know this falls under.

I have been sick it seems for the last 2 months and as soon as I start getting well... I get something else. Started with double ear infection, chest infection, and pnemonia. Then a bladder infection. Then the flu with a cold. Now I have had this migraine for 2 days now. I am snapping at everyone including my son. Everyone says I need a break and to rest. But all they do to help is critize what I am doing with my son. STRESS & DEPRESSION

I have been told by both my family and friends that they want the fun loving Krystal back. I think she is gone.. to much going on and this is the first time I dont feel in control of what I am doing. I just want to leave and forget everything. Because I feel this way.. I am told that I am running away from everything. I dont feel I am, I am so tired all the time. Tired of fighting with my son, family, and friends. Tired of being made to feel that I shouldnt or cant do that. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Tired of everyone cross questioning what I do with my son right in front of him. I have told them over and over again not to do it to no avail. I feel like and lately have been closing myself and my son in our house... not answering the phone or the door. Is that Stress Related or Depression? I am scared to lose my son the way I have been feeling lately and everyone is threatening that. I jsut want to pack up my car and leave.

Sorry for laying this on here... but you guys seem to understand. Whereas I dont seem to have anyone here that does. Been told to avoid the negativity around me but when you are surrounded in everyway with all thep ast support areas.. I feel more alone and unable to cope with anything.

I have even started writing my will and thinking of what I should be doing. I know I have to get out of here but financially I cant. It is so scary though... the fighting here is unbelievable. Everyone is already telling me that they will fight for my son and not go with my wishes. Both of my parents want my son but hate each other. SO if either one gets my son... he will lose out on my other parent. I dont want to leave him with anyone but two of my friends. Not that it would be happening anytime soon but it is something that I want to get done. I am now having other friends call me at 1130 at night to put me down about my decisions. I feel like I am going to snap if one more thing goes wrong. So is it depression or stress?

Problem: stress and depression
Solution: distractions

Go find something completely foreign to you to do and come back with a clear mind to deal with the problems. Just my suggestion.

Stress and depression are two sides of the same coin. You are depressed BECAUSE you are under too much stress. You can treat the depression or treat the stress...either one will make you feel better.

You DO have too much stress. You DO need a break, whether it's a few minutes, an hour, a few days, or whatever.

If people are stressing you out, unplug the phone for a few days.

Get some rest.

Find a doctor to give you some anti-depressants.

Good luck! I feel for you.

What would an anti depressant do that a bit of stress release wouldnt? I do not like taking pills when I can do or take something that I dont fully understand. From what I understand anti depressants just cloud your mind and judgement? Is that right?

I am leary of taking them because I am alone with my son... will I be able to look after my son the same while taking them? Heard lots of stories and quite frankly... I dont know what to believe.

I like the idea of shutting everyone out for a few days though lol

Sometimes you have to shut everyone out for a few days. It is good for you to let the stress take a back burner for a day or two. I have been diagnosed w/anxiety and depression caused by stress, so these 2 guys are right. I have been on Prozac and Buspar. They do not cloud your mind and judgement. I don't know who told you that, but they obviously never took them or took too strong of a dose. Your doctor will know what is right for you. I found my mind and judgement much clearer since they were cloudy before the meds. They don't affect you being able to take care of your son like beind depressed and stressed out do. These people can't take your son from you for being depressed. They would have to prove you unfit.

I understand the stigma behind taking meds for a disease like this one or even admitting to having this disease. It is a disease. Talk to your doctor and get alot of rest. It will do you a world of good and make you feel SO much better.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!!

Thank you ... you hit it right on the nose. I am sooooo scared of my family and friends trying to prove me unfit to keep me here. I am moving and the stress from everyone here is really getting to me. So much that I am thinking of trying to sell everything I have and literally running and hiding.
I was talking to my soon to be Ex mother in law (we were getting along so wonderfully and now always in disagreement) and she is telling my son that he can talk to her anytime, and that he doesnt need permission from me or anyone else to do so. That what he tells her is for her only. I wouldnt mind this but she is making things up now. I hear all the conversations and she is saying that my son told her that he has to sneak to talk to her that I wont let him. It is a lie! So naturally I am getting very defensive around her now. She is also telling him not to open up to me but only her. That if he has a problem to talk to only her about it. So much for trying to open up communications with my son.

I am scared. I am scared of losing my son cause it feels like I am losing my mind. Nightmares are horrid and Jaren seems to be waking me up from some pretty nasty ones. He is worried and says that I was crying in my sleep.

When I am adding stress to my son... is that unfit? He is fed, clothed, bathed, and into bed around the same time almost every night... and he is loved to pieces... but I am getting more strict with him. He has stopped listening to me because his grandmother told him not to. I am leary of not allowing him to see her because of possible repercussions.

Ok do I sound sane? lol I dont feel it.. I feel really alone... except for this site. Here no one judges me and I cant vent lol

I dont feel like I can talk to anyone now a days... feels like I am so alone and that they are even turning my 5 year old against me.

If you don't put your foot down and tell them to back off, they will make it impossible to recover from what they are telling him. I had to put a stop to my parents doing the same thing to my son. Your son is still little, but if you wait much longer to do something to put an end to the double crossing that is going on, you will have a hard time changing it.

Moving might be the best thing you can do for both you and your son. I don't think running and hiding will be good, but a change of scenery will be great for you both.

I understand the nightmares and fears you have about them trying to take him away from you, but to prove you unfit, they would need to show that you neglect and/or abuse him or that you live in horrible conditions. From the looks of his pic, he doesn't look neglected or abused and I'm sure he isn't living in filth. You are causing yourself to have nightmares, but you can choose to stop them also. Meds can help you calm your nerves. You need to talk to a doctor. You will be amazed at the difference it makes.

I think that you need to start by talking to your family and friends that are making your relationship w/your son difficult. If they don't want to listen, make them. You have to stand up to them for the sake of your son. Don't let them run over you like they have been.

I really hope you go to the doctor to get help. If you won't do it for you, do it for that cute little boy. He needs you better! Let us know what happens!

As TM says, anti-depressants shouldn't cloud your mind if you are taking an appropriate dose.

If you're feeling totally stressed out right now, I'm not sure if this is really the best time for you to be moving. Moving is an extremely stressful event for anyone.

Do what you can to DECREASE the stress you are feeling. Don't talk to people who stress you out. Get out of town for a couple of days, if you can afford it. Find a baby-sitter and go out for a movie. Etc...

Get professional help if it's getting too much for you to handle.

And TM is also right about putting your foot down. YOU'RE the mom. Someday, when the boy is a teenager and say, gets in some minor trouble at school or with the police, they aren't going to be knocking on Grandma's door. They will be knocking on your door.
Put your foot down now because Grandma is worried she is going to lose him and is therefore trying to influence him. Sometimes tough love is the only choice. But explain to her , nicely or not, that you are the mother and he will listen to you first. Be firm.
This may be difficult at first but may lead to solving some of the stress later. Take Grandma out of the equation. Let her share his life but don't let her bend his ear.

Hi guys,

I did take the advise to get out of town for a few days and I feel great. I havent talked to any of my family in the last few days and feel great. It confirms my desire to move. Things were not this stressful in the past 2 years with the family (I was not living near them). This will be for the best and I know I/ we can handle the stress of moving out of stress. Make sense? lol

I gave my notice last week and confirmed it this week. Having a moving out sale too.
Friends arent happy but now are supportive... said that they hated seeing me so stressed and thought that if they made it rougher on my stress wise I would choose to stay... and didnt realize it would make me want to go more (I still dont understand their reasoning). So they are tryig the "nice" routine to try and change my mind that way.... not going to work.

As far as putting my foot down.... I got mad instead lol I told everyone that we were moving and that we would come and visit because we will only be 4 hours away. If they didnt like that then they wouldnt be part of our lives. So now they say they will miss us and wish us luck. I will talk to my mother in law and father in a few more days (still having my break from them).

I am making an appointment to talk with the doc... and was told that the lorazepam that they gave me weeks ago (and havent taken - dont like taking meds if I can avoid it) is to help calm me when I am to anxious or worried or stressed. So I will try it the next time and see if it works to calm me down.

I am moving at the end of this month, but I will still be coming in here as soon as I can after I move. Thank you guys.

Reading back.. I'm kinda embarrassed. I told you guys almost everything I was feeling. It was weird reading it when I am calm.

There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed by anything that you said. Many of us go through this kind of thing all the time. Sometimes you just need a break! Sounds like yours did you some good. I'm glad to hear it.

Moving can be stressful in and of itself as BDad said, but if you are moving to get rid of the biggest cause of the stress, I think that you will benefit more than hurt from the new surroundings.

Keep that appointment w/your doctor. They will be the biggest help. You should actually start taking those meds before you feel the stress coming down on you too hard, but I'll let the doctor tell you that. You will be amazed how much better they will make you feel when it is all said and done.

Definately keep us posted! I hope the move is a big success and just remember that you are strong enough to do this and put your foot down. Sometimes getting mad will make the people causing the anger to think you are just being "emotional". I hate that label, but it happens more often than not when you get angry instead of just saying, "That's enough. I've had it and I'm not taking your crap any more!"

All sounds good!

Very Very True!

Update:

Things are getting alot better. FOund out things about my son and it is better knowing then guessing what my son has. He has PDDNOS(possible asperger's/high funtioning Autism) The doctor says that Jaren has more signs of Aspergers but has a lot of signs of HFA as well, but that time will help us see which way he is going.

As far as the other stressors in my life... I am slowing getting ride of them too. I am tired of the negitivity around me and telling everyone I am tired of it.

My doctor told me I was starving myself too, based on what I was eating. ANds now that I am eating more I found that the stress is easier to handle too. Still having nightmares but with the sleeping pills... not as many. But on the opposite end... when I am having a nightmare I find that I am in it longer. Errrr. well nothing is perfect eh? lolol

Anyway will chat later.
Thank you all


Krystal

Hey Krystal, I hope things are getting better for you. I'm not sure if you've moved yet, but I hope you meet friends who can support you emotionally and be there for you. Don't forget, you always have us! Your boy is adorable.