i'm sure that there are others in the same boat of me. After leaving a very abusive relationship, i find myself the sole parent of a 10 month old baby. the practicalities of showering etc are one thing. but i feel tethered to this man who has caused me so much pain through his violence. on the one hand i know he loves our son, and has the right to see him, as our son has the right to know his father. BUT I don't want anything to do with him, and the thought of having to relate to him, negotiate with him etc makes me feel sick to the stomach. is there anyone out there who has been through this? how did you deal with it?

Well, I am sort of in the same situation, but I am still pregnant. I am 18 weeks, and currently seperated from my husband. It was the hardest thing to do to leave, but his cheating, drinking, and girls made me do it. I go this tuesday to find out if i'm having a boy or girl. And he wants to go with me. But I'm to the point where I absolutely hate him! I feel so alone, he just doesn't care. The only interest he has shown throughout my pregnancy is wanting to find out what it is. I am with you on hating to even deal with him. And that I'm pregnant makes it even harder. Because I see all the things I am having to look forward to, and I dont know if I can. But I am totally with you, on how you feel. Do you have any advice?

DO NOT doubt yourself ladies. The strength you carry within you will come out and carry you through the dark times. And when the baby is here, all else will seem so insignificant. The rewards are greater than the problems.

Look around the site for some inspiring stories about ladies in the very same place you are in now. I'm proud to be a part of this site and to be a friend to so many strong and wonderful mothers.

You can do it girls!

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Originally posted by newmama:
[qb] i'm sure that there are others in the same boat of me. After leaving a very abusive relationship, i find myself the sole parent of a 10 month old baby. the practicalities of showering etc are one thing. but i feel tethered to this man who has caused me so much pain through his violence. on the one hand i know he loves our son, and has the right to see him, as our son has the right to know his father. BUT I don't want anything to do with him, and the thought of having to relate to him, negotiate with him etc makes me feel sick to the stomach. is there anyone out there who has been through this? how did you deal with it? [/qb]

I am sorry that you are going through this, however I am extremely glad that you were wise enough to get out of the relationship. I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years, both physical and mental. We devorced over three years ago, I call that stage in my life "My battle with the devil". It was extremely difficult, restraining orders were enforced and mediators were necessary. The first year was extremely difficult, I as well did not want to have to deal with a man that had caused so much pain and suffering, a man that nearly cost me my life, not just by his abuse but also because of the pure fact that men like that take your soul away from you, they make you feel unworthy of the ground that you walk upon, and unfortunately suicide was usually my thoughts of the only way to excape him. I finally ralized that I was seeling the fate of my children, my boys were more than likely going to treat their wives the same way in which their dad treated me and my daughter was bound to look for a man that was like her dad. I finally got out. The first year was hell, however pain heals in time, you eventually get your life back, you eventually reclaim your soul, and the pain will heal. I am glad to say that my exhusband and I although we had a terrible marraige have been able to put our differences aside in order to do what is in the best interest of our children. We actually can get together for soccer games and even go to lunch. I even get along woth his new wife to be. The point in my story is that in time the pain will heal and you will be able to do what is right for your child whether that is to compromise with your ex or get along with your ex. With God all things are possible, just ask and you will recieve. I wish you luck in this extremely difficult situation and hope that everything works out in the long run.

thankyou so much. i feel slightly more hopeful now. i think i'm going to employ a third party to deal with him, at least for now. it's hard to imagine being anywhere near him without feeling sick. it's good to hear that it is possible to recover. it feels like such a long, hard road.