Between lossing my boyfriend, having knee surgery, and a two year old who now tells me to "go away" every time I disipline him I am STRESSED!!! At times I feel MAD at the world and then I feel happy becouse no matter what I have my son. But then it seems every night my sadness finds me. Between the pain of my knee and the sorrow in my heart I just want to scream! How do I RELAX! I'm usually a very happy person. But now I can't unwine. And I do NOT want it to get to the point that my son will feel mommy's tention!

WOW! Do I know what you are feeling. I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs. now and I felt the same way you are feeling right now. I would cry at anything, and I have thought of killing myself, and I have been a hermet, not wanting to go anywhere. I know what you are feeling , and there is help. Have you ever tried an antidepressent? My depression was so bad that my counclier told me to go and see my Dr., she put me on Paxil.I have been doing much better, but still have my days of sadness. I do have one advantage over you though, I have a fience' that is the sweetest man ever, and he supports me in everyway! I will be willing to talk to you more about your feelings if you will let me! I would love to have a new friend to talk to! Let me know if you would like to chat, ok? Hope to talk soon!
H0lly

quote:

Originally posted by Majety:
Between lossing my boyfriend, having knee surgery, and a two year old who now tells me to "go away" every time I disipline him I am STRESSED!!! At times I feel MAD at the world and then I feel happy becouse no matter what I have my son. But then it seems every night my sadness finds me. Between the pain of my knee and the sorrow in my heart I just want to scream! How do I RELAX! I'm usually a very happy person. But now I can't unwine. And I do NOT want it to get to the point that my son will feel mommy's tention!

I understand were you are coming from and let me tell you a good cry once the child is in bed does to a good job but it is the loneliness usually at night that is the worst
your child problably aready feels every sorrow you feel and can't fix it but just remember you and him are the 2 mouseketters and you will do fine. but a little antidepressate such as luvox or paxcil do do ok and you take them at night so you can function in the day time i personally take luvox and it works far better than paxil
they tell us only time will heal all wounds but sometimes it takes to much time and we get impatient just try to go with the flow and don't be afraid to ask for medical help
lonley

Hi,
I am separated 6 months and trying to keep my life and kids normal and it is anything but normal. My ex is mostly absent and I am doing it all. I keep feeling bouts of depression and try to fight it but it hasn't worked and I am just miserable most of the time. I always feel like crying,am short tempered and have no patience for anyone. I am lonely and have no time for myself. My friends are all busy with their perfect lives and have all stopped calling. In addition they are very impatient with my imperfections and the mistakes that I frequently make ( go to appts. at wrong time, lose papers etc.) I do not want to give in to medication but should I? Nutritional supplements have stopped helping.
I feel so alone.

Hi first time here...was looking for a group in my area where single mom's could get together to relax and destress. Looks like this could be a place to do just that. I think my family and friends are tired of hearing me...lol...

I can tell you this...I have found strength...All things are possible through Christ Jesus.

Hey, all, just wait until they get bigger and tell you that they hate you (I nearly died and couldn't believe my ears!!) or don't like you. You know what I say? I say, "GOOD!!!!!". I have a pre teen and a little one.

Now, as one is getting bigger, we HAVE TO TALK things out but not when the moment is heated. I tell him to go to his room and if he doesn't, I take him there special delivery. That only happened once. (They test your waters every so often while growing up) There's no abuse at all either. See, I have an older boy who is nearly as big as me. I feel like I have to nip things in the bud RIGHT WHEN THEY COME UP so I don't have a situation or one in the future. Plus, they need to remember respect. I'm not going to have some smart mouth, out of control, teenager on my hands who thinks for one minute he's going to threaten me or bully me or God forbid strike at me. He's going to be twice my size when he hits 17. Anyway, I have managed to keep a good and peaceful home life for us but occasionally there is some sort of change in tone flying around. Not too often. I refuse to have an out of control child who is going to be getting into trouble at school or out of school. We may be a single parent family and I may be busting my keester to keep us all together but we do communicate.

I'm not in this single parenting situation to be popular with them at all times. Don't give way to guilt trips or manipulations that the little whipper snappers may try to use too. It's not that they are sick or twisted, just normal for a child in the situation to try that one from time to time.

I have been where you all are and know that scene only too well. In fact, Stress and feeling like crap use to be my middle name!!

In time, which stinks, but in time, the kinks iron out and the routine gets better and more stable. A divorce is an adjustment BIG TIME for EVERYONE!

Take it one day at a time, know you're doing your best and don't be so hard on yourselves.

Find friends that actually ARE friends.

Oh, hey, if you're single now and still look half way decent, your married friends may still be nice to you but may not as much have you over. You will lose friends and gain friends. You'll find out who your real friends were and are.

Good luck to everyone. Everything you all are dealing with is very normal and the usual for the situation. Rent the movie Kramer v. Kramer or Bye Bye Love (1984). They are both about divorce and how some cope with it. If you need a little laugh, go for Bye Bye Love.

It's just nice to know that what you all are going through is very normal and to be expected. It sucks A LOT, but it's a growth process.

Take care and God bless all

To Lana & all,

I am in the same boat as you, as I am sure so many of us are. You have to find some sort of outlet. Something you can do that lets you just concentrates on you. All of my friends are married and have their lives, I have no single friends either, so I know. I get no help from anyone. I am not doing well financially, so whatever breaks, if I can't fix it, it doesn't get fixed, etc. I have been divorced for almost 4 years and have just finally found something to concentrate on that is just for me. (I am running a marathon in January to help raise money for Leukemia) this was one of the best things I have ever done. We are here for you to talk to, but try to find something that will make you happy. You will start to feel better about yourself and your situation. Good luck to you.

A tug, a shrug, hands to my head.
Whatever will I do?

Dismay, confusion, disarray.
Are you this stressed out too?

Fading, seeping, into somewhere.
Restraining do I feel.

But,hear the laughter, see the smiles.
And now that this is real.

Love, contentment for my child.
Will take away the pain.

And in return your beautiful child.
Will have all the more to gain.

The old expression goes as far as the boyfriend. Time heals old wounds. Everytime that clock ticks away at every second your pain will be less and less. I've been through alot of hurt but I don't hurt no more. Time took care of that.

Take care,

Nancy

I know what everyone is talking about now! Just had a case of the post-holiday blues last night. Happened when I was taking down the Xmas tree and just started weeping and raging. You never know when the stress of the situation will rear its ugly head! Fortunately my daughter was spending the night at her Dad's. What makes me mad is that I, too, am a normally happy, positive person and this has made me sad. I do take a half tab (10mg) of Celexa that was prescribed when I started to go through menopause and it does help. My daughter and I share our feelings (as much as I will allow from my end...some subjects are "off limits") and she has matured by leaps and bounds, good or bad as this situation is. She is really a terrific kid and tries really hard, I just feel so bad for her that she has been put in this at this time in her life. It's really difficult to help with her sadness, fears and confusion when you are going through pretty much the same emotions. Just keep plugging away and hopefully things will improve inch by inch. Thanks to you all for listening. Looking forward to a New Year 'cause the last one ended in crap! sd

hi everyone. i too suufer from stress reduced depression i take zoloft finally after 2 yrs of my doctor telling me it would help. it's been 2 yrs with it and i feel so much better i'm afraid to ever go without it. i don't cry for some reason even if i need to but it helps me get through trying times without the overreactive outbursts and uncontrollable crying. i still feel stress, raising 4 kids alone, but i can get through things a lot smoother now and i can make decisions. i don't think i'll ever be in total control until they are grown and gone but for now we are making it. i could go on and on about lonliness but i won't. i have never been married so i have always been alone. but those are choices i made. life really is what you make it..even though it seems like there is nobody else out there there is you just have to ppick yourselves up and go look. reclusing because of 1 man or woman is not the answer when there are 100's and 1000's of othjer people out there who will love you more than the last so i'm done ranting hope you all find happiness

I couldn't agree more. Depression is something I think all single parents go thru.
I had the lovely experience of being diagnosed with depression and medicine was just not the answer.
This sounds so horrible to say but, I had been returning visiting Europe and when I was traveling via Euro rail from Paris to Amsterdam I just completely broke down in tears and didn't want to come back to the states to my "disfunctional life". This was a major turning point in my life.
I had been walking around for 4 years everyday in an abyss and just didn't know why. (the thought of waking up was just not a high point of the day..had it not been for my daughter I often wonder if I would have made it out of bed)
I did what "normal" people did. I thought I had depression and went to see someone about it. Well, after about 4 meds and 30 lbs later ..nothing worked. Well, let's see Paxil helped for awhile and then just stopped..Zoloft I saw purple people..(that was truly wild) and then Remeron...(because I just couldn't sleep)after being a test guinney pig I said enough.
Even though my doses were very very small..like 10mg or something like that..I still hated the fact that something chemical was in my body to control my moods.
When I decided to take charge of my life and be responsible for my actions and my moods and that I was the only person that could make my self feel one way or the other, I realized this was the only medicine that I needed.
As I have said..EMPOWER YOURSELF...think positive things..thoughts are things...
I also believe that prayer is a powerful tool. Not that I am into the whole organized religion thing but...prayer is a positive affrimation of what can be.
Just my thoughts
Thanks for listening
Jacque

I think sometimes Single parent diagnose themselves or let Doctors diagnos them with depression and dish out the pills willy nilly all to often. Sometimes when life feels so low and you cant motivate yourself and feel isolated - diagnose yourself with 'low self esteem' be nice to yourself and make yourself smile, do something special for yourself to raise your self esteem. Depression is a serious issue but the truth is we single parents are terrible hard on our selves, we try to hard and do to much. Lighten up on yourselves and try not to forget to be nice to yourselves on this long road of parenting on your own. Prepare yourself because as mentioned above when they get to teenage years - the little 'angels' are going to hack away at your self esteem and identity as they fight fight for their independence. Look at the last 48 hours what did you do to be nice to yourself (eating a bar of chocotate does not count).

I like the things you guys are saying about depression etc. I have felt (off and on) "depressed" or hopeless, as well as the desire not to wake up the next morning. I am a single father (29 years old) with 7 and 8 year old girls, and a 3 year old son. A lot of my problems and anxieties are financial, however, the worst for me is feeling (or knowing) that I don't seem to spend any time with my kids other than telling them what to do, feeding them, making them go to bed, and making them get up. This causes a lot of guilt for me. I work an hour from home so on a good day I'm gone 10-12 hours a day, the kids have to get up at 5am, go to daycare, then school, then back to daycare, then home, then dinner, then baths...on...on...on...bed. My family got rid of me when I was 7 and I've been in and out of foster homes, boys homes etc--up until 15 when I moved into a motel and raised myself through high school. So of course there's no help or anybody to fall back on. My biggest drive is to never do this to my kids--no matter how hopless my own life seems. To make matters worse, I'm fairly new to CA (from SC in Aug. 2000) I don't want to whine nor ramble, it just seems like I can't even spend the necessary "quality" time with/for my kids, so I can never even try to think about what would make me feel good, happy, more positive etc. Dads get a pretty bad rap, but my ex-wife (8-year marriage) decided she was tired of raising kids and was going to go off to college. She wants to live her life like a single teenager but yet 1 year after our divorce she's already remarried. Never sees the kids unless I beg her. Never calls them--even when I buy her calling cards. Didn't get them anything for Christmas 'too broke' yet when you go to their apartment they are ingulfed in Sony Playstations, nintendos, DVDs etc. but never (in 15 months of divorce) so much as a pair of underwear for my kids. Of course I get no child support...as a matter of fact, I have to pay her $60.00/mnth for transportation on the off chance that she will see the kids. In November I conned her into seeing the kids after 8 weeks of not, and when I picked them up the next day she had the nerve to tell me that I needed to trim my boy's (Joey) finger nails. UUUUUUGGGGHHHHH! At any rate, I only wake up in the mornings because I guess it's meant to be, so when I do, I do what I know has to be done--because I have to, but sadly, the "want to" is fleeting. Well, hell, I guess I did want to whine. I'm truly sorry. Best of luck to all, any advice or encouragement (even criticism) are always welcome.

Joe

All of us "single" parents have an overwhelming chore of raising our kids with seemingly no breaks. I've figured out (at least for me) that you have to give yourself the break, even if only for an hour or two a week just to center yourself. If you have a Parents without Partners chapter near you, you could check it out. They seem to offer a bit of socializing with those in the same boat as you are as well as family activities that everyone enjoys. Otherwise, take the kid(s) to places that you would enjoy as well...It doesn't always have to Chuckee Cheese or Disneyland. Once a month go the beach, mountains, parks for a day where the kids could run free without danger. Camping, even local campgrounds are also fun. You can get stinky and dirty and eat nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for 2 whole days! If the kids have made friends, is it possible to do an exchange sitting for eachothers children once and awhile. All adults whether single or coupled need this kind of break now and then. Happines is "work" for those of this in this situation, but it can be fun work. Take care of yourselves so you can be there to take care of you children. sd