If you are a single parent by choice I was wondering if you could answer these questions for me. I am doing a research paper and your input would really really help me out! Thanks so much!

1)What made you decide that you wanted to be a single parent?

2)How do you feel your parenting skills are different from those who have a partner to co-parent with?

3)How did you become a singlr parent? (adoption, Invitro, Natural, deciding to leave a bad relationship etc.)

4)Why was this method chosen and did you encounter any problems?

5)If there were any problems how did you overcome them?

6)Do you feel that being a single parent has had an effect on your child? If so what is this effect?

7)How do you feel being a single parent has changed your life?

8)Do you have any concerns for your child(ren) with you being a single parent? If so what are they?

9)After experiencing the single parenting scene do you have any regrets? If so what are they?

10)What message would you like to send to those who feel a two parent home is better than a single parent home?

11)Is there anything else you would like to share about single parenting or your single parenting experience? If so please share!

Thank you all soooo mufh for taking the time out to answer my questions. I really do appreciate it. You input will really strengthen my presentation and give us all a new insight to the topic

I moved this topic to the writer forum.

This forum is set up just for what you need from other single parents.

Good Luck.

1) The father was a drug user and very abusive. I wanted a better life then what I was living. I came from a good family and knew that I could be better.

2) DEFINATLY! no one to second guess me. well maybe the grandparents but nothing really bad and they still let me raise him my way. There is less debate.. that's about it.

3) I left a distructive relationship. He used me then knocked me up... I decided to keep the child after MUCH PRAYING! He wanted to be part of my sons life but I'd rather have a sober baby thank you. I'd hate my son falling upon one of dad's needles(which I'm sure he's doing now)

4) yes I encountered problems when he got out of jail he insisted to see the baby(ps I was still pregnant) then his mother was all up in the kolaid and his family was so blind " oh he'll change he won't be a deadbeat like his dad blah blah blah" I got a restraining order becuase of the abuse.

5) I stuck to my guns and didn't let him control me anymore.

6) Yes no drugs. My baby is not getting high or being used to get free drugs.

7) I quit drugs. I quit being errisposible with my life. I finally found out what I want and have the capasity to do it. I have a higher self asteem and a sence that I can make it without him.

8) less money from me but my mom and dad help. No real concerns yet.

9) I regret getting involved in drugs and partying. I regret I didn't see what he really was doing to be and being to stupid to run away from the relationship fast enough.

10) they are probably right but you live with what you get. This is what I made now I have to make it work. For me 2parents is the worser of the 2 options. I was wrong now I must take my losses and move on.

11) It's doable with lots and lots of help and support. At my age I've seen a lot of married or ingaged women that are very unhappy with what is going on in there lives the only thing they feel proud about is that they are not alone.When they are out they flash that ring like it's a sign of greatness and when at home they feel nothings right. Still waiting for their men to change. To them I wish them luck. I'm waiting for mister right and don't want to dive into another relationship yet.

1) I decided that having a drug user father and his family involved with my baby was not a good idea. Plus, he didn't seem to want to be too involved anyhow.

2)I feel I can give more or at least the same amount as those that have 2 parents. Its not the amount of the love from 2 parents, its the quality and amount of love from anyone! Plus my child will have all the family on my side. A child can have 2 parents and not have good ones.

3)Left a bad relationship.

4)I choose it because I didn't want the father involved. He couldn't even take care of himself and I could never trust him with the baby. I had no problems. I left him, he called once... and that was it! Haven't heard from him since.

5) The only problems maybe would be not having a partner. Not having that male relationship in your life. I mean being pregnant and not having any sex sucks! But i just took one day at a time, and kept thinking about how What I decided WAS the right decision. Also, Going to a counciler helped a lot.

6)My child is not born yet(got one more month), BUT i dont think that she wont have any effect from it. She still has a large family. And wont be missing that other gender in her life. I have my older brother (uncle) and her grandfather in the same house.

7)I can't do the things I have always wanted. My future is about my child now, not me anymore. I can't buy the things I like, its I have to buy what my baby needs.
Things like that. Meeting people is hard too. No on likes to hang around a single woman with a child. Married woman dont understand and you feel like a third wheel with their families. So friends are hard. And many guys dont like the extra baggage.

8) I have a concern that she will want to see her father. I mean he is not a really bad person, but I dont want her to see what he does as being OKAY to do! I come from a very good home with lots of money and a well respected family. I wasnt brought up around drugs and knew that they weren't accepted. If she sees her father and his trailer trash family, i am afraid she will want to live like that herself and never try to better herself like her father.

9)I do not regret it at all! I am happy being single with a baby. Instead of having to take care of another person (her father) I find it a lot easier! He would have made my life difficult, not her!

10)I would like to say, My mother had 2 parents. She wishes that her father wasn't there and her mother had left her father! But she didn't. My mother was physically and mentally abused her whole life! She would have had a happier childhood with just her mother who was very loving. So How can someone say that having 2 is better when you can give the same things as being a single parent. My child will always recieve what she wants. She will get the love from me and my parents and family.

11) I feel that I can give my child more love then 2 parents. Instead of me giving love to a husband AND a child. I can give all my love to my CHILD! She is my Joy! And I wouldn't change it for the world!

Good luck on your presentation! Let us know how you did!

1)my son's dad was constantly in jail/on drugs
2)i make all of the decisions, no one to argue with about it
3)decided to leave a bad relationship
4)see #1 and yes, the "father" still bothers me ocassionally
5)stay strong, don't give up, and don't put up with any one's crap
6)yes, he's closer to me.
7)made me mature quicker, take more responsibility
8)no male role model
9)no one to talk with over any of the problems
10)it all depends on what you prefer and what your circumstances are. in my case, a single loveing parent is better than 2 parents in constant conflict
11)it may be harder but it's what is best for my son and for myself

thanks for letting me express my view. let me know how the project goes.

good luck!!!

tasha

1)I was in my mid thirties and wasn't involved in a significant relationship but knew that I wanted to have children more than anything in the world.

2)I am the decision maker, no one to argue with, no resentments. It's all me.

3)I was a foster parent who adopted my foster child.

4)As a single adult, finances were an issue for me. Also, I was sterile so I couldn't conceive. Foster children have been through such incredible traumas in their lives they need loving families and they're just aren't enough. As a foster parent and then an adoptive parent you receive a stipend and medi-cal for the child until the child reaches 18. This makes a big difference. And for those who think foster parents are just in it for the money. This is a bad rap. The stipend isn't enough to get rich on and private foster care facilities put applicants through the grind before a child is allowed to come into their home. But it is definitely worth it and I will probably do it again.

5)She was just a little over 2 when she came into my home. So the only problems were that she put her arms out to anyone who smiled at her because she never knew who her next "parent" was going to be. As she felt safer in my home that diminished.

6)I don't know yet what the effect will be, positive or negative. She knows she's in a home where she's loved and she has many people around her who love her.

7)Wonderous ways I can't even explain. I feel sometimes like I'm a child again, but happier than I ever was. She is the most amazing person I've ever known and every day is a new exciting experience with her. The hardest part is when I'm sick, to not have a partner to take up the slack.

8)I know she misses having a father and I think she wonders sometimes where her father is. That's difficult. I just try to explain to her that families come in all different shapes and sizes. I think it's still difficult for her to understand at this age.

9)Maybe, only that I didn't do it sooner. But then I wouldn't have gotten her. So NO regrets.

10)A healthy loving home is the best home for a child. There are many 2 parent homes that are abusive, or where they live in poverty, or where the parents fight constantly. Sometimes families start out as 2 parents and then 1 parent dies or abandons the family. A 2 parent home doesn't necessarily mean a better home.

11)If so please share! If you want to have children, whether you're a man or a woman, find a way and do it! There's no reason not to.

1. I think I always knew that I would raise my son on my own, but the father is a drug addict, he's abusive, and he's a pathological liar. Not the things I want my son around growing up!

2. I'm the boss. I don't have to argue with anyone about how to raise my son, but I also don't get the luxury of sleeping or dating. I haven't been out for 6 months now. Yeah, that is a drawback, but I think I'll live!

3.left a horrific relationship

4.The only problem I've had is non-payment of child support, and the fact that he sees his son maybe 2 times a month (he's cleaned up and in drug court), and his son screams whenever he sees his "dad"

5.I turned him in for non-payment of a child support order I found in another state. He's going to prison. My problem is solved. He's finally going to be out of our lives.

6.No. He has a wonderful male role model in his grandpa, and he is so loved by our whole family that I doubt he will be emotionally or socially stunted in any way.

7.I've grown up faster! Okay, so I'm 25, but before my son, I was still going dancing 4 times a week. Now I'm going to school to become a teacher(high school). I feel strong and independant now.

8.NO concerns. I can't see how raising him with a screwy father would make his life any better.

9.Definately no regrets, that would mean regretting my son and my decision to be a strong woman and raise him on my own

10.I would like to say that I ran into this same prejudice at my commmunity college and was steaming mad. A girl in my class said that single parents shouldn't be allowed to raise their children because they will grow up emotionally and sociall stunted! There is nothing wrong with loving your child and wanting to do the best that you can do. None of the 2 parent families I know are still together.

11.Who's the boss? Not baby's daddy! whoo hoo!

1)What made you decide that you wanted to be a single parent? Love for my child and not wanting her to live with a mom who was unhappy.

2)How do you feel your parenting skills are different from those who have a partner to co-parent with? I think for me not having to worry if my decision is going to be agreed upon by her father. Also my child doesn't have to have two sets of rules, two sets of discipline. I think when parents who co-parent and aren't on the same page the child is the one who is confused about what is ok to do and want isn't and sometimes the child is the one stuck in the middle.

3)How did you become a singlr parent? (adoption, Invitro, Natural, deciding to leave a bad relationship etc.) I left a bad relationship when I was 8 months pregnant. At first I wanted to work things out and be civil so we could raise out child in a co-parent but the way he and his family treated me in the two months before my daughter was born was when I realized I would rather raise my child alone as a single mom.

4)Why was this method chosen and did you encounter any problems? See above. I really didn't encounter any problems other than immaturatiy and stupidity on her father;s part. I encountered not being able to get child support from him. But with my decision to become a single mom raising my child alone I opted out of getting that and will be terminating his rights when she turns two as he has never been a part of her life ever.

5)If there were any problems how did you overcome them? see above

6)Do you feel that being a single parent has had an effect on your child? If so what is this effect? I really can't say. my daughter is only 16months old and has never met or had a relationship with her father. So I really don't think it will have any affect on her. She has someone in her life that she sees as a daddy and calls daddy (my best friend who I am not dating), and that is fine with me. I say its ok to let a child choose someone to fill that role if the want.

7)How do you feel being a single parent has changed your life? I think it has given me a purpose to do things and get things done. There were many things I was slacking on and struggling with and becoming pregnant with her pushed me to get these things done and taken care of.

8)Do you have any concerns for your child(ren) with you being a single parent? If so what are they? The only concern I have is how things will be in school. I know when I was a child and things like father daughter things or fathers day where they made me make things. Also In the area I live there are very few single parents so her not having friends in similar situations.

9)After experiencing the single parenting scene do you have any regrets? If so what are they? Nope.

10)What message would you like to send to those who feel a two parent home is better than a single parent home? I would say is it better for a child to grow up unhappy and miserable with two parents then to be in a single parent family and be happy and very loved.. It shouldn't matter how many parents you have or what sex they are or even if they are your real parents. As long as a child has someone to care for them and love and nuture them then thats all that matters.

11)Is there anything else you would like to share about single parenting or your single parenting experience? If so please share!
Single parenting is hard. If you are in a relationship that is not good for you or your child get out while you can. There is help out there and it isn't anything bad to be a single parent. Hell if you want to look at it Mary was a single mom until Joseph decided to marry her and help her raise jesus as his own.

Shannon