Hi everyone,

I'm new here and just signed up a few days ago. I'm due with my first (a boy!) on Saturday.

Anwyay, I read the post "Labor" from Taylor's Mommy and got an idea of how different labor can be for every woman. However, I'm really getting nervous! I'm borderline scared, honestly.

Does anyone have any experienced advice on how to stay calm and not worry so much about the pain/delivery?

Also, the father and I were together for the better part of three years and engaged when I found out I was expecting. He broke off the relationship in the second month of the pregnancy. I'm allowing him to be in the birthing room, but don't expect (or really want) any support from him. I guess I'm still a little stuck on the fantasy that when I had my children, my partner would be a loving, caring support, especially at the birth. Now I just feel so scared and alone. How did you single moms cope with that? I know, it's not an easy question.

Thanks! Christine

I used drugs, lots of them. (My labor was 24.5 hours total and required 3 epiderals!) I was 8 days past my due date, so I was begging the doctors to evict the baby! The labor itself was not pleasant, but totally worth the reward!

Everything will be fine, christinedi. The doctors are there to take good care of you. Give us an update when you can!

Hi cpatmatrix,

So lots of drugs, huh?! LOL!! Well, I am already signed up for an epideral! :-) I can't believe you had three of them as well as 24.5 hours of labor. You must be a strong woman!

Thanks for the post as well as the encouragement. I will keep you updated.
christine

OK, christinedi,
Here's what I wish someone had told me about giving birth before I did it:

Get all of those "romantic" notions about delivering out of your head. You know, that the father is going to be so sweet and loving, you're going to love holding your baby, the instant he is born, etc... Cause for me, I was sorely disappointed with the experience, and kept having guilty feelings when it didn't live up to my expectations.

In my situation, the father was a complete let down. He fell asleep out in the car for several hours during my labor, so I was on my own for much of the time - when he wasn't gone physically, he was absent emotionally. I understand from your post that you're already not expecting too much from the father, anyway. That's great.

In addition to the lengthy delivery I mentioned, I had a horrible version of morning sickness. Basically, the kind that lasts all day long for nine months. During my pregnancy, I was on meds to control it, but during the delivery, the medication failed to help. During each contraction, I pushed, and when the contraction subsided, (when most moms rest up for the next contraction) I proceeded to vomit into a bowl held at my head by a nurse. This went on for 2 hours.

Needless to say, my body was put through a pretty exhausting experience. My fantasy during the pushing had nothing to do with holding a beautiful, healthy baby in my arms, but getting into a cold shower, drinking ice water. I felt so guilty about this - a "good" mother should be excited to see her baby, and I wanted nothing to do with baby at first.

After the delivery was over, and I had a chance to sleep and recover, I fell into mothering fantasticly, and I even managed to put up with the father for another 10 months (LOL). And today, I look back on my labor as a wonderful experience - I have great memories of being able to give birth to my child.

Was it fun for me?
Heck no!

Would I do it again?
Every day, if it meant that I'd end up with the awesome girl I have today.

I too had a rather long and hard labor with my first 22 hours of contractions 3 minutes apart and less. The labor is the worst part because once you're really ready to push, it's a relief to push through the pain and you completely forget about everybody else in the world and concentrate on the nurses telling you when to push and when not to. I have pretty bad horror stories with my first 2 but that's the last thing you need to hear right now considering how tense you are. Just know that ALL women are nervous the first time. Just remember what you're going through all this for. Once that baby is laid up on your stomach, it all goes away. Ok for a little while, then you can start asking for more drugs....lol.

BTW remember that the hospital stay is probably the only sleep you're going to get and letting the baby spend some time in the nursery while you're getting some rest is a really good idea. Believe me, it doesn't effect your ability to bond with your child. My last baby was a c-section and I spend 5 days in the hospital. Each night I sent my little bundle of joy to the nurses for safe keeping while I got some rest. Take advantage of it while you can!!!

My labor was 16 hrs. Demerol and 2 epiderals. I think the hardest part is actually at the very end, but rest assured, your body knows what to do, and so do the hospital staff. Generally, the nurses are really great. Did you ever take a tour of the hospital? That helped me to know where I would be. Eliminating as many unknowns as I could was a great relief.
BTW, I have heard women say their experience was that they don't even remember the pain...BS! I remember plenty well. But that beautiful baby is worth it all.
And when you are in the middle of everything, you don't much care who's in the room!

Let us know all the details when you get around to visiting again!

Thanks everyone,

Ok, now I don't know if I'm more scared or feeling better! I guess the key here is lots of drugs and make friends with the nurses!

But seriously, thank you to everyone for your encouragement and honesty. It's a huge help.

Captmatrix.....I can't believe he fell asleep in the car! I guess if you had any "romantic fantasies" at the time of your delivery, that must have been a huge dissapointment.

As far as my ex, I'm working on getting the expectations out of my head. I already know he isn't capable of being supportive (we would still be together if he was!) I did go in to false labor about a week ago. I thought it was time and he came to get me. I was with my mother at the time and when he got there he asked her where he should park his car at the hospital. Right then I knew he was going to be useless. In fact, because that false labor was kind of a trial run, I lost all expectations. Through the contractions, my mother reminded me to breath and kept tabs on me. All he did was zone out on a baseball game. We also ended up taking care of him (if he wanted something to eat or drink and picking up after him.) So after that, I made the plan to have someone else take me to the hospital if they are available and will call him later. If not, then atleast he can get me there and that's where my expectations end!

For the other ladies, it sounds like the experience is worth every moment. Especially if you were willing to do it again! I guess I have to resign myself to the fact it's going to happen on the baby's terms and there is no way to know what his terms are! If you can have three different deliveries, I guess you just can't tell what will happen.

I have taken a tour of my hospital's birthing center. I can't complain, it's a beautiful place. The rooms are fully equipped and the recovery rooms are bigger than some of the apartments I had when I was younger. The nurses were all very upbeat and nice. So I know I've chosen the right place.


So anyway, I guess I'll take this time to relax and keep cleaning (I can't seem to get things clean enough or prepared enough).

Thanks again to everyone. I will keep you updated. Christine

I'm excited for you, Christine!

And no, I don't think of myself as a particularly "strong" woman. Once you go into labor, you just go with it - there isn't an other option at that point! LOL

You will really surprise yourself with what you're capable of. You can totally do this! Best wishes to you!
Tiffany

Dear Christine,

When I was pregnant, I wanted to be "deaf, dumb, blind and stupid" to what was going to happen, etc. Personally, I deal better when I don't know what to expect. Which in this case, worked well for me.

I left my husband (now ex) 3 weeks before my son was born. To add to this stress, my son was born 3 weeks early...Long story short my ex wasn't even notified I was in labor until that night due to the confusion. (I was living an hour south of Boston and he was living in CT at the time...I delivered in Boston.)

My mom drove me to the hospital (I was living with her then)...The labor was not great...2 minutes apart for 3 hours (almost was born in the car)...and when I arrived at the hospital the pain medication (pre epidural) stopped my labor. I had to be reinduced and then received an epidural...what else I remember is that the nurse told me it would take about 3 hours when I started pushing...he was born 30 minutes after I started. (Credited voice lessons to that trick!)

Anyway, they took my son to be cleaned before I got him which I guess worked out well since the doc showed the placenta (perfectly in tact - she was quite excited about that) and then I passed out. The nurse had to smack me to make me wake up and that's when I got my son.

All in all the worst part was wondering if I was going to be on the evening news as having my son au natural on I-93 en route to Brigham & Women's Hospital. I am glad that wasn't the case though it would have made for an interesting baby album!

The only advice I could offer is try not to worry. Also, if you find yourself uncomfortable with him in the room, tell someone to remove him. This time is all about you and your baby...stress free as possible.

Take care and let us know how you make out.

Caitlin

Wow, I'm so glad I posted for advice and experience!

Captmatrix....You are so right! There is no turning back now, is there?! LOL!

Kayley's Mommy.....I heard about spicy food. My cousin said she had buffalo wings and then soon after went into labor. Maybe I should place an order after I log off! Thanks for the tips! Oh, and happy birthday to Kayley!

Caitlin......I can't imagine being in the car for so long in labor. I am from MA too, but opted for a small, local hospital to avoid getting stuck in Boston traffic. I'm so glad you made it to BH in time (and in time for the epidural). I guess those would have made some interesting baby photos if you hadn't!

Thanks for your story as well. After reading your post (and others) I realize that you can have more than one epidural. I didn't know that. Plus the stuff the books and doctors don't tell you. So thanks.

I'll keep you all updated. Christine

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET KAYLEY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

drugs here! but you know what! With everything going on (although my labor was fairly quick) I didn't have a chance to be nervous and scared... really thought i would be... but i was just too busy and preoccupied with everything else to really have it happen.

One thing you really need to pack in your bag for the hospital, that nobody ever tells you to pack is Toilet Paper!!!! Especially if you have a vaginal delivery. I mean have you ever tried to use that stuff they have? Bring the good stuff from home, believe me it makes a difference.

Hi everyone,

I started a new post. We made it! Thanks to everyone for all your advice, support, and experiences! I missed the toilet paper one (LOL) but we managed! :-)

Christine