quote:

Originally posted by Don:
[qb]

quote:

Originally posted by --red--:
[qb] A year on SFV should be part of any parenting course . [/qb]

You may be on to something there Red. [/qb]

I just got my People magazine, (My weekly fix) and it had a story about this woman who shoots pictures of babies of lives that are on the line. Even ones of babies right after they died. The parents are so happy to have those pictures, if even for one moment in time. Now that made me cry. Just thought I'd share that.
BTW, I am so touched that my story made some of you cry. I cant share it with her father, but it made me feel good that I could share it with you.

thesaneone: I used to work for a camera store that developed photography. We had a lady that came in that took stillbirth pictures for families and we developed them for her. I was pregnant at the time and didn't get why somebody would do that. They don't look like normal babies. I am still not sure how I feel about it, but I'm glad to hear that somebody else has at least read about it being done.

The picture that they showed in the article was of a baby that was still alive, but the mother (the picture was of the father kissing the babies head) did not want to have the picture taken. He had brain injury during birth, and she was afraid of more injury during pictures. The baby ultimately died, and she is pregnant again, but the picture is so touching!! Call me morbid or whatever, but if it happened to me, I'd want that. Not just a memory, but an actual picture of what I had. It's real, and it happened, and so many want to not recognize death, but it happens. I wouldnt want it to be only in my memory.

Sorry I can't stay away from this one. I don't expect someone who has never lived it to truly understand, and that is okay. I pray with all my heart and soul you never have to.
I have 2 girls that were born alive and passed after birth and one that died just before birth.
Just to give the view from someone who has lived it. Those pictures are precious. They are all that is left of a little life and all the dreams that were there. I know it maybe hard to understand but when pictures are all you have to hold on to you do. I treasure all my pictures of babies gone. I have all their blankets and cloths, everything. I won't give them up for anything. No matter how many children you have they do not replace the ones lost. I have 9 children 6 living.
None of mine were deformed or anything but the one that passed before birth was very dark from lack of oxygen. I don't see that when I look at the pictures. I see a perfect baby, a perfect angel.
Anyway that is the reason for the pictures. If it was all you had, you would hold on to it with all you have.

I do understand that 2many, it's the children that were born at 16 weeks or 25 weeks that I had confusion about. I understand the memory and wanting to preserve that. I didn't mean to offend you either. I just saw pictures of children dressed in premie outfits that were barely the size of my hand, without the eyes fully developed and no real skin. Those were the pictures that baffled me.

B you did not offend me in anyway at all. (kind smile) I am sorry if it sounded that way. I was just giving my view and some understanding. It is the same when they are that small. It was a life that the parents need to some how preserve. Just like my little girl that died before birth. They don't see the problems or the "gross" stuff. They see a perfect child, theirs.
Part of it is that at 16 weeks Mom has to go through labor. She still has to deliver that baby. If there is a problem she will have to have a c-section. At 22 weeks they have to go to a funeral home and be cared for properly. When they go through that it really makes the death of the child real for them.
I know you are a good mom B. You loved your kids before they were born I am sure. When they are lost before birth is is just as tramatic as loosing them after even at 16 weeks of pregnancy.
Anyway, absolutely no offence taken in anyway and I hope none was given on my part.

None at all.

How about we get back on subject.
We need some more mens point of view on this birthing thing. What did you guys think and feel during pregnancy and delivery? Inquiring minds want to know.

When she was in labor I was helpless. I did not know how to help. Then it got gross. I didnt know thiings should stretch like that. Then the most beautiful, wonderful person came to greet me. I never did drugs but I know there is not a drug ever made to give that much of a wonderful high. I have been on that high ever since and even more as teh other 3 came and one is adopted. God created the ultimate high without drugs.

When I went in labour, my ex had just come back from a night shift. He went to sleep for about 5 hours, drank a cup of coffee, rolled a couple of joints and drove me to the hospital. I walked in so calm and collective that the nurses didn't even realize I was in labour. They thought for sure it was a false alarm.

During delivery, my ex was so exhausted and high, he kept having to sit down in between contractions. I actually asked HIM if he was feeling ok. Eventually, a second nurse came in to help while he watched, reaking of weed. How embarrassing.

When my son was born, he had several concerning birth complications. He underwent series of tests throughout the first week before we were able to go home. My ex and his family came to visit us about 3 times during that week - consisting of about an hour tops in each. Once they even brought me something to eat.

Romantic isn't it?

[That's ok. I'm not bitter - Just glad to be single!]

Grandparents

I wasn't there but it's still an awesome story. My mom has always been way out in left field, sometimes she is really hard to understand. But after the birth of her first son she refused to go to the hospital again. My father bought a book by this hippie group that talked about home birth and midwifery. He read everything he could get his hands on that taught about birth. With a little love and no formal training my father single handedly delivered me and two of my siblings at home...I can't really image what he went through. No monitors, no pain killers...what if something had gone wrong? If you put lunacy aside that's a pretty freakin amazing guy!

The second pregnancy(his first delivery) her water broke and after 24 hours there was still no baby. They called the doctor and he told them to come in for an induction. Again, somewhere out in left field, my mom refused. 48 hours later the little boy was born. My dad again had to call the doctor because the afterbirth hadn't been delivered with the baby. They didn't know what to do! The doctor said just give a tug on the cord and it'll come right out. The weirdest part is after they divorced she called him up to ask if he would do it again for her, this time with another mans baby...he politely refused.

I have to agree that is different. I'm not to sure what to say about that last one. I thought about delivering at home but got scared something would go wrong.

Hey, hope I'm not too late to the party here...here are my two birth stories...

My son was born in 1996, two weeks late. After being on a drip to induce my wife and no luck, we came home a little dejected. The next day, still nothing, so we ended up back at the hospital that night wanting them to get him outta there already.

Ultimately, there wasn't much more than a lot of dull pain (easy for me to say) until they finally broke my wife's water and waited. It took until around two in the morning for the little bugger to come out, slowly, but surely. The pushing was the most painful part, at least so I could hear.

When he came out, he had the cord around his neck and wasn't breathing. My wife kept asking about him, and they'd moved him to a little table to get him on the breathing bag. I must've been pale as a ghost, but just kept telling her it's fine, they're just taking care of him. Finally, he started breathing (and is perfectly healthy), at which point *I* could start breathing again. Gosh, I just wanted to faint and throw up...did neither, and we were extremely happy and relieved.

***

Now, the second one (the girl) couldn't wait. We were going to use a midwife for our hospital birth...the midwife was so much nicer and easier to talk to than the doctor was for our first birth. However, when my wife woke up one morning (around due time), within an hour of waking and showering, she started going into obvious labour (which we hadn't experienced before).

At that point, I feverishly ran back and forth loading the van, watching our then 2-year old, and checking on her and calling the midwife. Finally, when I was ready to get her off the couch, she told me she wasn't going anywhere. Uh, ok honey...

So I plopped her down on the family room floor, got blankets and told her to hold on. Called 911, but they wouldn't stay on with me because I was using a cell phone (didn't have a cordless). Told me help was on the way.

Anyway, I got her undressed from the waist down (saying "hold on, hold on!" - lots of pain). My son was standing next to me with tissues, dabbing some of the blood and fluids that was coming out. Then I finally said (music to her ears) "Ok, let go." I might as well have had a catcher's mit on.

Daughter squirted out so fast, and within seconds (music to my ears, based on my son's experience), she started crying. Instantaneously, my son started crying profusely...after all, mommy just became two people. Freaky.

No sooner had I wrapped our daughter when the paramedics arrived...uh, thanks guys. At that point, we got to a hospital to deliver the "guck" and make sure our daughter was ok. Everything worked out just fine.

And after all that, we got on the front page of the Life section of our local paper, since my brother also delivered his second daughter.

I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Funny how the two of them could come into this world in such different ways.

Thanks for letting me share...

Chris

wow Orion, what beautiful stories! Let me say
:welcome:
We hope you enjoy the stay.