Are you aware of the fact that in ALL 50 states there are laws that allow grandparents to sue you for visitation with your child/children. ONLY MARRIED COUPLES ARE SAFE. Even if both parents are alive they can still sue and still be awarded visitation.

Be aware that there are 1,000's of single parents being sued right now, including me.

Don't think it can't happen to you because that is what I thought.

The laws are written so that all that has to happen for grandparents to get visitation is for the judge to find it in the childs best interest. We as single parents need come together and do something about this unconstitional law that allows people other than the father/mother to have weekend visitation of our children.

Look at the laws in your state and if you disagree with them write your state representative today and tell them about it.

I suppose if you keep an open-line of communication with your child's other set of grandparents, this could be prevented. I still keep in contact with my ex's parents - even though they live in a different province. They have a right to be a part of his life. Why wouldn't they? Sometimes people dont take into considerations how seperation affects ALL members of a family.

As for my ex-in-laws, I'm happy that they love him well-enough to be a part of his life [to some degree]. Too bad his dad didnt.

I dont disagree with that law. I find it harsh and invading but not wrong. Maybe single parents can use that as a tool to keep ties with those who DO want to be a part of the child's life. The more people who love them, the easier it is for them in the long haul.

jes
ps: i know this is an old topic - oh well.

I haven't had a response on these posts in a while.

If the ex inlaws are good people I can understand why someone would think that this isn't a problem. In my case and most of the others that is not the case. First of all if they are good people more than likely they will speak with you and try and work something out not force you to hire an attorney to defend yourself in a court case.
My ex mother in law was bragging about how she was going to screw me because she could have my daughter 3 weekends and just leave me with one. These type of grandparents that hire an attorney aren't handling the situation the way that they should. I think it is much more beneficial for our society if we are forced to handle situations like these normally rather than taking it to court. My mil didn't even speak to me not even once to try and work this out. I thought things were fine one day and recieved legal papers in the mail the next. Good inlaws don't do this and that is probably why you are ok with these laws and I'm glad that your child has grandparents that love him/her. There is alot more to my story but surely you can imagine someone even if they are grandparents not being worthy to take care of your child.

Hi mommat,

I'm not up on the details but I do have a question if this thread is open again. Concerning the legal end of it, can the MIL really get three weekends? Sounds like she's just blowing smoke but what does the law say?

Up here, the laws are different in that, my mother only gets to see my daughter through me. If I'm not in the picture, then my mom would have little chance at seeing her.

Either way, if your ex-MIL really is only pursuing this out of spite, then I'm on your side. Children are not tools and weapons for adults to solve problems.

Well in my situation my daughters father only wants visitations at his parents house with them there to help him. And I'm not real sure if he takes care of her at all so they get to see her all of his time. So she would have gotten technically the 4th with his 1st 3rd and 5th, leaving me with just the 2nd weekend.

Anyhow the law allows this to go to court and it is totally up to the judge. If he decides that my daughter should have time with her grandparents no matter what I say then he can give it to them. Whether or not I'm the best mother in the world or not. I don't think I have said anywhere but in my case the grandparents droped out. They new they had no case concidering that he was living with them at the time and they were getting to see her as much as he was. And she still sued me. Anyways these laws are ridiculous to me. The only time that I would agree is if the parents where total drugees and it was either foster care or grandparents and if one parent was dead. And in the case of death it still should only be maybe once a month. I better stop as you can see it is still a sore subject and boy is there way more stuff that happened.

In my oppinion no child should be taken by the court from a good parent to be forced to see a grandparent. Not to mention the fact that it goes against a parents constitutional rights, I think it was the 14th ammendment. Parents that love their children have no problem with letting good people see their children, so if you are a good parents you have the right to decide who you child will be around.

Any grandparent that does this obviously isn't seeking to have a good relationship with the parent and how can you raise a kid right in those circumstances. I will really stop now. Wew! I didn't realize I was still so adamate about all of this.

Also I forgot to mention that I never ever told my mil she couldn't see my daughter and before this all happened she saw her more than he did.

Now maybe i'm through. ha ha

Well said Mommat. You're right, I do get along with my ex-in-laws. Really, there are exceptions to every rule. I was refering to the parents who use their child as weapons, as jay has said, detaching their children from the ex's family. Ive seen that happen many times before.

I can understand where you're coming from. I hope things work out well for you. I guess the apple doesnt fall to far from the tree ... your mil sounds bitter herself.

jes

Well sorry I am going to have to disagree.... This law was written for a reason. Too many times the grandparents are forgotten in the midst of a breakup. My parents and my ex's parents already had strong bonds with my son when me and his dad split up. We were never married. When protective services told me that I should take my kid and not let him go back to his dads, I did just that. His parents contacted me, and even though I never really got along with them, they were not going to ENDANGER my son, and they ARE a part of him, so they deserve to see him, even though his dad is a total slime. I let them have visitation on Saturday nights. I know my ex was there with them, but I also knew that my son wasn't at his dads house, and THATS what matters.

I think that this should pertain to more than "drug addicts" or if one of the parents is dead. That's just silly, it has nothing to do with the parents. What if a couple that is not married splits up, and the dad becomes a deadbeat. The paternal grandparents have ALREADY bonded with that child!! The mom moves on and stops contacting the grandparents. She refuses visits because they are "just" the grandparents. Now they can't see their grandchild because their ADULT son acted irresponsibly?! THAT is why the laws exist. I think it is selfish to try and change that, because there are a lot of good grandparents who only got to see their grandkids because of this.
There is ALWAYS going to be people who abuse the legal system. Your MIL wanted to "get" you, and she saw this as a good way. You can't stop people from filing paperwork. You just have to proove your case. As you said, your case was stronger, so they backed down. If it had gone to court, your case would have still been stronger, and the chances of her getting THREE weekends when her son has already established visitation is pretty darn slim!! I'm sorry for your situation, but I have to say I think this is a GOOD law and it was a long time coming.

I am a mother, and one day I pray that I will be a grandmother. There is no way that I would feel intitled to see my grandchildren. That is my daughters choice not mine. She is the mother. Would it be hard. Yes. Do I have the right to force her to do something. Absolutly not!!!!!!!!Most of these grandparents are being selfish as far as I'm concerned. Noone told them how to raise there kids or had anyone try and do it for them.

My dad has an old saying "you can't make someone love you". It was told to me concerning my ex but it applies to everyone. Grandparents do not have any say so about what happens to there grandchildren legally. As a parent no one should be able to tell you how to raise your child if you are deemed fit. NO ONE!!!! It cost me $700 that i didn't have to defend my right to be a parent. Its sad that you think that it is ok and I pray that you never have anyone try and take you child from you for even just one day.

You really should go to parentsrights.com and read the horror stories or even just read the case laws. Its not just in-laws doing this either it is even parents. You really should see both sides of this and truthfully put yourself in this situation.

The problem with these laws aren't that anyone can file a claim but that very few states have guidelines for judges to go by. Its all narrowed down to what that particular judge feels is in the best interest of the child. And if you think that all judges are capable of making the decision about what is best for YOUR child then you are niave and have never had to deal with the courts and I pray for your sake you don't. I agreed with these laws too before I had to dig down into the law itself and found out what it was all really about. Some states even allow people other than grandparents to file.

If we don't protect our rights to be the PARENT and decide what is best for our children where will it stop. I still can't believe that any parent would be ok with giving up their child unvolutarily and court inforced to anyone other than a father. Your not looking at it as if you absolutly didn't want you child to be around their grandparents, for what ever reason because you didn't feel it was in there best interest, but yet you have a court order that states you have to no matter what or be put in jail. How can you be a parent and not be able to decide who your child will be around.

I am not being disrespectful I'm just trying to let people now what is going on. I can tell by your post you obviously don't have anyone telling you how to raise you child because if you did you would more than likely be pretty unhappy about it. My inlaws can take this back to court as many times as they want in the future.

I hate to tell you but legally grandparents can sue to have visitation rights. So although they may not have the right to tell you how to raise your child they CAN make you allow them to see them.

The horror stories about grandparents from that site are no worse than the ones about fathers. I am going to court to have my ex's rights terminated but would never keep the kids form the grandparents, no matter how much they interfere with my parenting practices. Unless they are a danger to the kids I don't think it IS our RIGHT to keep them from them. Just as we should not keep kids from their father if it is not NECESSARY.

Hey,

These laws are (and should be) only concerned about the best interest of the child. A child is better off when they see as many caring family members as possible. If a child is being deprived of loving grandparents, then it is good that there are laws to protect the child's right to this benefit.

I agree that this isn't fair to the parent, but there are a lot of situations that can't be fair to everyone; in these situations, the law falls on the side of the child. Another example is when a husband unknowingly assumes paternity of a child that isn't his. There have been cases recently where a wife was cheating on her husband, had kids from the affair, and when she left him and all the facts were known he still had to pay child support. Is this fair to the father? Hell no...but what's a better situation for the child? To not be supported by the person they've called father for their whole lives? Really...there is no solution that�s fair to everyone, and adults can **** it up better than a child.

So while I feel for you and I recognize how this law can be abused, It seems that it is best on the books. In most cases, a grandparent that is willing to go through the trouble/expense to fight for visitation would be a loving and healthy influence on a child.

Later,
Bobby

I have no problem with my ex-in laws seeing the kids.They come over for an hour to see the kids about every 2 weeks.I know about the usual problems that can happen,but in my case they are some of the most kind hearted people I know.They are both in their 70's and very active with the Salvation Army.I respect them and they respect me.They will go out of their way if I have a problem and even come over with extra tinned goods that haven't been given out at Harvest festival or similiar to the more needy or if they have an excess of tins that have been collected and are close to "best before'date.


Mark

Mommat:

Maybe if you stopped looking at it as "taking away" from parents you could see what we are trying to say. You situation is horrible and your MIL should find other ways to satisfy her need to get to you, BUT no one is trying to tell anyone HOW to raise their kid. This law exists so people can SEE them. No one is saying to give CUSTODY to grandparents, but VISITS. It is two different things. It is a sad world when a grandparent (A PART OF THE CHILD!) actually has to go to court just so they can see their own flesh and blood. This is in no way created to punish the parents, but to allow that child to know their family! And Family is a lot more than the two people who made the baby. You should be able to choose who your child is around, true, but if you choose to exclude the in-laws and they are not presenting a situation where your child will be in danger, then why is it you CHOOSE NOT to let them see the child? Spite? Thats a poor reason. They are part of that child and they should have some right to see them. NOT RAISE THEM, but at least see them!

Humm, I think if the Judge becomes aware that the faternal GP already get visitation - per their own child, I cant see why the judge would allow a rule.

The grandparents must show that this is the only way, That they can not see a child unless a law- rule is put in place. But if they already have access, by way of their own child, I dont see the problem.

To my understanding, grandparents can sue even if one is married... I believe it has to do with - access denied.

Confused Robin

I think you are all missing the picture here.

If both parents are getting visitation why on earth would a grandparent need to sue for access. Yet the law says they can. Just divide the child 3 ways. Yes I say divide because if these people could get along for what is best for the child to spite all of their crap they wouldn't need lawyers, which means there are going to be different sets of people all doing whatever they feel is best for a child despite what the other may be doing instead of everyone working together. How is this good. How can a child growing up in an enviroment where no one gets along help them.

Situations where one of the parents is not in the picture is a different story which I mentioned a long way up there, but why on earth would a gp have to sue if both are getting visitation unless something is fishy. If something happened to me It would destroy my daughter to be taken away from my parents but that is not what I'm talking about.

Some of you will be wonderful additions in the future to the AARP and maybe help gps get more rights. You seem to be more pro gp than parent.
God Bless to you all and I pray that you all continue to have big happy families.