my babies mom get super depressed during and after giving birth...after 4 months of her overly religious family hating on me because i didnt goto her church she left me...because she had to choose her family or me...in her religion women are encouraged to have babies....so i almost think maybe she got what she wanted and now ditched me...everything really was great...thing is, when i kept calling to talk about logan...it scared her? shes left state...i found out after a week of calling trying to find out how hes doing after his shots.....i dont know where my baby is. hes six months old...she said he cant stay over night with me because shes still feeding.....i have leagle resources through my parents...but i needed someones opinion other than them...

In my best advice you need to get a custody order in place so that you have time with your child.Over nights she might win for now but the courts can settle that when the baby is done feeding.For now go to court and get custody and support hammered out.The courts will have paperwork to see you are a genuine involed dad that want to be in his childs life.

:welcome:

This is a great site and I would write this post again in visitation,support and custody.

We are all here to help you through this so stay strong and let us know what we could do to help.


Hugs and prayers Gail

Are you on the birth certificate and claimed paternity? If not, then she has rights to the baby fully so technically she's not kidnapping. You will have to go thru court to get child visitation. you will have to do a dna test if you haven't signed the papers or claim paternity.

I am actually in the process of going through this stuff in court. If there is no custody agreement then it is not kidnapping. If you truly want to be a part of the babies life you need to file for custody through the courts immediatly. What they look for is responsibility. The longer you wait to file for custody the less responsible you look to the judges. Since the baby is still nursing, you will probably not get over nights yet. The first year will probably be hard to get over nights regardless, though. This is a very crucial time for the baby where it wouldn't be in the babies best interest to take him/her away from its' primary care giver for that long of time (sorry - I know that's not what you want to here.) But, as long as it is close enough for this to feasible, you can get visitation. You will probably start with visitation in the babies house with the mother, then start by going to a park or something with the mother and the baby, and then get an hour or so alone to take the baby somewhere, and then work to longer periods and eventually get over nights. Hope this information helps. But, like I said, if it means alot to you to get visitation then you need to file ASAP! Message me if you want to discuss this farther - I would be very happy to answer any questions that you have that my lawyers has told me. Hope it all works out for you

I am actually in the process of going through this stuff in court. If there is no custody agreement then it is not kidnapping. If you truly want to be a part of the babies life you need to file for custody through the courts immediatly. What they look for is responsibility. The longer you wait to file for custody the less responsible you look to the judges. Since the baby is still nursing, you will probably not get over nights yet. The first year will probably be hard to get over nights regardless, though. This is a very crucial time for the baby where it wouldn't be in the babies best interest to take him/her away from its' primary care giver for that long of time (sorry - I know that's not what you want to here.) But, as long as it is close enough for this to feasible, you can get visitation. You will probably start with visitation in the babies house with the mother, then start by going to a park or something with the mother and the baby, and then get an hour or so alone to take the baby somewhere, and then work to longer periods and eventually get over nights. Hope this information helps. But, like I said, if it means alot to you to get visitation then you need to file ASAP! Message me if you want to discuss this farther - I would be very happy to answer any questions that you have that my lawyers has told me. Hope it all works out for you

If you were married, at least in Oregon, you have automatic rights as the father. Were you married?
If not, then you should get a lawyer or at least advice from a lawyer.
I just got custody of my son and it was a long, grueling process. Visitation should be easier.
Every parent has the right to have at lesat some visitation.

If you were married, at least in Oregon, you have automatic rights as the father. Were you married?
If not, then you should get a lawyer or at least advice from a lawyer.
I just got custody of my son and it was a long, grueling process. Visitation should be easier.
Every parent has the right to have at least some visitation.

Breastfeeding isn't a legitimate legal argument anymore. A judge can order her to pump and send a weekend supply with the child. I wouldn't give up on overnights because of that. But you'ld have to hire a lawyer and go to court first.

I found this on breastfeeding..

When an infant is involved in a custody dispute and the mother wants to limit the father's time with the child, she (or her attorney) may will trot out the old "breastfeeding argument", claiming that the child "can't be away from her" for any length of time because of the need to breastfeed the child. She or her attorney may also say that the child won't drink formula and/or should not be fed formula. This is a classic way to severely limit or even eliminate a father's contact with the child, and it often works. Here, however, is one way to counter this kind of bogus argument.

If your ex tries to use the "breastfeeding argument" to limit your access to your child, submit to the court a declaration of your willingness to purchase her the breast pump of her choice so that she can send along the dairy product of her choice for when the child is in your custody. If the mother is denying the father parenting time and claiming that it is due to the need to breastfeed the child, she is implicitly agreeing to pump if the court finds that visitation with dad is in the best interest of the child.

If she resists or refuses to provide pumped milk and objects to the use of formula, it becomes obvious that she is denying the father parenting time for reasons other than what she claims. If it is truly important to the mother that the child receive breast milk, she should be willing to pump- after all, her duty to the child shouldn't change simply because it is going to go spend some time with the Father.


Most judges will see this "argument" for what it really is- a phony excuse to limit the father's access to the child. At this time you must be polite but firm. State that you desire to spend time with your child and that you are every bit as capable of taking care of your child as is the mother. If she balks, reiterate your offer to purchase whichever breast pump she prefers.

While I hope that the orginal poster of this thread is able to get things worked out for the best and be able to see his child, I must add something about the breastfeeding issue.
While I do think that the breasfeeding issue is used unfairly in the court system with custody and visitation, there are times when you can't pump and give bottles because the baby won't adapt.
I know this first hand. While luckily I was still with my ex while bf'ing my dd,(So it wasn't an issue with our case) she refused bottles everytime we tried to get her to accept one. This was from birth. She simply would not take a bottle or a pacifier no matter how much we tried to coax her! And for me personally it seems that no matter which pump I used, I was not able to pump enough for a feeding. So sometimes I think that this issue is liable, but maybe not as often as it is used.

I'm so glad that you posted!! I have been waiting to hear something back from icarus as well. But like you, this was something that I dealt with too. My son would gag and refuse to eat everytime he was offered something other then a breast. He wouldn't take a pacifier either.

But my child's doctor told me that there has never been a reported case of a child starving because they were only offered food from a bottle.

That made alot of sense to me..If a child is offered food, if they are hungry enough, they will indeed eat.

Like you, I found pumps worthless.. They never worked for me either. The only way that I could expell anything was with my hands. (but I grew up on a dairy farm in Minnesota. My mom still jokes about that one..)