I have been a single father of a babygirl for over a year now. My daughters mother has serious mental and drug problems and had another relaps this weekend. After a year and a half of this I have finally lost all hope for her to ever recover. This also brought me to the realization that I have lost myself in this process. I recently moved to a new town to start a new career and really have no friends here. How do you start over?

Personally, I have lived in the same area my entire life and have never had to start over from scratch, but I have had to start over in the respect that I myself, had to find myself again. I am still doing some searching right now but hopefully soon I will find something in me that makes me want to like me.

Anyway . . . I'm not really sure what you're looking for in how to start over and I'm sure others here will be of more help than me but . . .

keep your chin up and a smile on for your daughter. Things always work out eventually!

I wouldn't give up on her getting clean but you have to know that you can't help somebody that doesn't want help. Having been an addict myself, I know that you can go to rehab 150 times and still not stick with staying clean. It can happen but, in my experience, it just won't happen until she's reached rock bottom. I'll tell you one thing though. Each time she makes promises, she means them. A lot of people think that addicts are only telling you what you want to hear but for the most part, that isn't the case. Nobody has dreams of becoming an addict when they're growing up and the humiliating and dangerous things addicts do so they can support their habit can be just unspeakable. They very truly want to get better, they just aren't ready. I can only hope for your little girl that she'll get better sometime soon.

I just moved back to my home town 2 years ago after having lived away for 10 years. We moved back so my oldest 2 can be closer to their dad. I hate it here. I was gone so long that I lost all contact with the friends I still had here. And now I'm profoundly alone. My only window to the world is my computer and I'll sometimes go weeks at a time without having a face to face conversation with another adult. That's when I discovered the fantastic people here. You can also look into a local Parents Without Partners. I don't have a chapter anywhere close to me but it sounds like a great way to get to know other parents who are plugging along like you.

Welcome to our little family here and I'm sure you'll find some very wise and very funny people here. I know I have.

flaclmadj, I am currently in the same position.
This is the first time I am on my own, and trying to start over too. I have been trying to be confident and ask people from work out for a friendly drink, etc. and it's been ok but I think it will take some time to find ground in my new life. My ex was an addict and suffering from a mental illness. It is VERY hard and it's even harder on the kids (my son asked the grocery store cashier if he was his daddy yesturday- I almost died). Hang in there!

I would think and it is just my opinion that you start doing things for you...start by taking the time to love yourself and be in aplace in your life where you are happy with you...

that would be my guess on starting over...

hmmmm....me to...I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm taking my daughter and I out of town tomorrow for a little mini getaway. I was in a horrible marriage for 4 years, and lost myself in the process. I stopped doing the things I loved to do, seeing my friends, and just basically shut down, all because I thought I needed my husband to do those things with me. He's gone, now I'm trying to regain my identity. So, we're going on a road trip we're going to eat something new, go hiking, have a picnic, go to a museum, and whatever else we feel like doing in a 48 hour period What do you like to do? See if there is anyone else that enjoys the same things, and if not, don't be afraid to go at it alone. Life is too short to not enjoy everyday of it.

Granted, I didn't have kids when I did this but last July I packed up everything I owned and moved 1400 miles (Washington to Yuma, AZ) to essentially start a new life (it was because I got a teaching job). I knew no one here....

The first thing I did was establish friendships at work and from there I met other people through them. Now, I can't think of any other better people to be around!

Counseling is always a good place to start in rediscovering yourself and in helping to discover how you lost yourself in the first place.

Some other things that worked for me:
Find groups of people that share a common interest. Try meetup.com, it has groups who get together for book discussions, hiking, photography enthusiasts, movie clubs and many other different things. I have heard Parents without Partners is great, if you have one in your area. I am thinking about starting a single parent family meetup in my city to see if there is an interest.

Find a phone/email buddy if possible. The first few months following my split from an addict I had a phone buddy who was going through a divorce also. We called each other every morning, early. It kept us both from feeling so alone in facing the day.

Best of wishes to you and that baby!

Starting over takes time and patience. Cultivating friendships takes time as well. Give yourself a chance, things will come along for you.

Only through time and getting out into the community will you meet others such as going to the gym, or kids play groups etc...

The sky is the limit in terms of where to go to meet people, but cultivating friendships is like an art...time, patience and persistance sometimes comes in handy.

M