Hi, i'm just new to this site. i have been a single parent of 3 girls for 2 years now. mostly i feel like i have come a long way but other times i feel like i just can't move on and be/do what i want (help if i could figure out what that is!). there are always things cropping up with the girls that remind me that the future i had planned for them is not happening. my ex and i get along ok (he has the girls 4 days a fortnight) but he turns up late with all their dirty washing and has no interest in their education or well being (he never asks about anything, only interested in details of when he will see them or if he wants to change days). I accept this situation but feel overwhelmed by the fact that i am wholly responsible for how the girls turn out and hope that when they grow up they don't have issues because of their father and i separating. I dont yearn for a life with him, as such, just having trouble replanning mine and the girls future. any comments would be appreciated. thanks.........

First off welcome! I'm sort of in your same position only I have three boys that I have to figure out how to turn in to three great men. My ex sees them when he sees them which isn't very often so he isn't much help in the parenting area. I just do the best I can and hope it works out. I've had to rethink everything I had planned out and realized that what was originally planned was more what he wanted than what I wanted anyway. I've found being a single parent is actually pretty great most of the time...b/c I get to choose how things are going to go. Good luck with your girls!!!

jazzstar...welcome to the forum.

hi jazzstar !
I am new to the forum as you are.
excuse my english, as I write from Italy and I'm Italian
We both, anyway, are living really on the other side of the earth, with respect to the forum, and with regard to each other.
I had, seven years ago, your same problems.
Only one daughter, now sixteen .
For me the biggest problem was the future.
I was sorry for the missing father support not only in pratical activities (car = taxi mama), doctor, lessons, various activities, but mostly for his absence in worrying (which school, which perspectives, is she happy.., is she properly educated ? )
Well I had to manage alone.
Now, seven years later, she is nice, polite, she is attending a proper school and she seems do not miss the father (is it possible ? ).
Afeter seveN years the father is now (extraordinary!!) missing her.
Apparently no results.
She doesn't want anymore even to see him.
We will see any evelopment.
At the beginning I missed a lot a conversation with an adult, as we were alone and sometimes I was tired to discuss about cartoons, or teacher declaration, and sometimes I shoul have appreciated a conversation with another person about ... politics, price of the milk, problems of the world.
Day by day I modified my necessities and she grew up.
Now I can sometimes discuss with my daughter about the planet, and sometimes I have to learn from her how to make up..
I wish you the same.
Again thanks to the whole forum for the ospitality.
please, if you correct all my mistakes,( re-writing what I wrote wrong or with a better "american" expression) I will be very very grateful.
We say :
"CIAO (hi and good bye between friends)
BU0N GIORNO goor morning (not only in the morning)
BUONA GIORNATA (have a nice day)".

All the above to you.
rosanna

to jazzstar and rosanna (ciao!!)

I am in Holland, so not so far from rosanna...

I have the same as rosanna, my son is 16 now and his father left when he was 6 months old.
He is also not interested in his father any more. I think he even feels angry towards him...

Oh well, life goes on. We do our best and pray it all works out.

I am also new to this site but certainly not new to your experience, my ex sees his kids when he feels like it (aboout every 6 months) to the point that the 2 yr old calls every man daddy, the 3 yr old greets him as he would greet any adult, the 9yr old has told him she doesn't want to see him anymore and the only one that still has any contact is the 8 yr old. The best advice that I have given all my kids is "Don't use your father as a role model please use your grandfather, watch how he treats your granny watch how he treats me and watch how he treats you kids, that is how a man should act." If your kids need a role model find a gentleman they can look up to and trust me the rest will fall into place, you can only direct your kids so far after that they will decide where to go from there. As long as you love them and they love you the rest will follow.