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Hi everyone! I am new here. Looking for people who can understand what I am going through.
To make a long story short, my 4th of July was horrific. I have been married almost 6 years. My husband and I have a beautiful 4 year old boy. I am also 5 months pregnant with our second child (boy). My husband had an affair in 2005 that lasted a year. He confessed this to me the day I found out I was pregnant again. He said it was over between her and him and that he wanted his family so I stuck around to work it out.
Over July 4th weekend, he seemed really distanced. Not his usual self. We were getting ready to go see his parents on vacation the following week. Monday, July 3rd, he asked if he could meet me at home and talk because we were both at work. He said he couldn't live with the guilt of the affair. That everytime he looked at me he saw pain. I asked him what he expected. That I was doing the best I could. I asked to go to marriage counseling and he refused. He said it would all be thrown back in his face. He left that monday night and by Wednesday he was filing for divorce leaving me with our 4 year old and one on the way. Found out that the only responsibility he wants for our children is in monetary value. He is basically running away.
I have devoted my life to him putting mine on hold and this is how I am repaid. I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else? Im very scared now. Im only 34 and pregnant with a 4 year old to take care of right now. I have no friends where I live due to my dedication to my husband all these years. I just never went out and found any. Im hoping Yall can help me.
Sincerely,
TexasMommy
<mickey98>
Posted
Hi Texas Mommy, I'm relatively new to this site also and it's a wonderful site to get support from people who are in the same boat. Do you have family nearby who can support you? I would also try to work out a financial arrangement with him as quickly as possible. Maybe your relationship will resolve itself but if not just take steps everyday to secure a life for you and your children. I think all of us who have been doing it on our own have felt scared at times but I've been a single Mom for 7 yrs and things seem to have a way of working out. Let us know how you are doing. Mickey98
<kmhdad>
Posted
texas mommy
i sort of went through the same thing as you did when my wife left. although she is active in our daughters life, out marrage ended. i did not have alot of friends but i did have some i could turn too. but i had a deep anger inside toward her and the entire situtation. i think the hardest part and the best part was getting ride of the anger and i think every one has there own way of doing that. i felt betrayed just like you are feeling. but in the end it will be his loss not yours. deep down inside i think most people would want a mate like you who would dedicate themselfs to them.
<TexasMommy>
Posted
Thanks for the support. Just dunno what is going to happen. Fear of the unknown. Sometimes I want him back and other times I want him to go away. Im just taking day by day. I have recently started going to counseling by myself. Need a neutral party to talk it out.
<karbear>
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by TexasMommy: [qb] Hi everyone! I am new here. Looking for people who can understand what I am going through.
To make a long story short, my 4th of July was horrific. I have been married almost 6 years. My husband and I have a beautiful 4 year old boy. I am also 5 months pregnant with our second child (boy). My husband had an affair in 2005 that lasted a year. He confessed this to me the day I found out I was pregnant again. He said it was over between her and him and that he wanted his family so I stuck around to work it out.
Over July 4th weekend, he seemed really distanced. Not his usual self. We were getting ready to go see his parents on vacation the following week. Monday, July 3rd, he asked if he could meet me at home and talk because we were both at work. He said he couldn't live with the guilt of the affair. That everytime he looked at me he saw pain. I asked him what he expected. That I was doing the best I could. I asked to go to marriage counseling and he refused. He said it would all be thrown back in his face. He left that monday night and by Wednesday he was filing for divorce leaving me with our 4 year old and one on the way. Found out that the only responsibility he wants for our children is in monetary value. He is basically running away.
I have devoted my life to him putting mine on hold and this is how I am repaid. I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else? Im very scared now. Im only 34 and pregnant with a 4 year old to take care of right now. I have no friends where I live due to my dedication to my husband all these years. I just never went out and found any. Im hoping Yall can help me.
Sincerely,
TexasMommy [/qb]
<karbear>
Posted
Texas Mommy Wow, I cannot believe how similar our situations are. I am also 34 and I have been married for 8 1/2 years, My husband left me almost 3 weeks ago. I have a 3 year old and am about 17 weeks pregnant. I am devastated and so scared about being a single mom. My husband is in the Army and we are relatively new to San Antonio and I don't know anyone here. I think that you are lucky in one respect. You hsuband seems to not want anything to do with your children while mine seems content to fight for custody of our 3 year old. I am hoping to move away and get a job and start over but everything I have done has been for my husband and family. Thank God I got my master's degree before my daughter was born. As far as I know, there is not affair, but you never know! I just wish he would have told me all of this several months ago.
<Mom2allboyz3>
Posted
First of all, I'm extremely sorry that the whole thing happened. You are not alone.
I was about 5 months pregnant with my 3rd son when I found out that my finance' of 5 and a half years was seeing someone else. I found this out after he took off on us and left us with no hot water or food. He didn't care... he only cared about himself. I was scared, I was alone and I had 2 children to think about, plus the one I was expecting.
He took me to court in Feb to have us evicted from the house that we had moved into together over 2 years ago, they gave me 10 days to move. Thankfully my family stepped in and helped me.
When I found out, my first instinct was to try to keep him around, for security because that was all I was used to, to my advantage, he said no. He told me the same thing that your ex told you, that I would never be able to forgive him.
Man, some men ****. :huggies:
<SueP>
Posted
What a gutless man! I am so sorry for you and your children. ((((HUGS)))
<Paulandhisgirls>
Posted
Wrong sue, a man wouldn't have run, I have many words for males like this, man is not even close.
<Mom2allboyz3>
Posted
I have many words too Thank you, as tired as I am, we're so much better off without him. It didn't take me long to figure that one out, I just wish it was that easy for everyone.
Originally posted by Paulandhisgirls: Wrong sue, a man wouldn't have run, I have many words for males like this, man is not even close.
No he is not a man. Just found out today that he is supervising her again and they are now dating. My child is almost 2 months old now. He chose her over my children. That is pretty sad.
Hi TM (TexasMommy), I'm sorry you've been through such crap with a person that calls himself a man. I dont know the details of your situation, nor do I know both sides. But, what I can say is "Man" does NOT leave his wife and children to fend for themselves. There are many of us in situation like yours, some worse, some better. There are loads of people on this site that know the ins and outs of where to go for help. Not to mention the ins and outs of the legal system and how to get what your deserve for yourself and children, from this "person". Post as much as possible, in different areas..ask as many questions as possible and let some of these "Great" people help you where they can.
I wish you (and these others in a similar situation) all the best and will saying a prayer for you.
I'm a man of many mysteries and sides....SO many I'm practically round!!
Posts: 4443 | Location: Sunny Phoenix, AZ | Registered: 09 February 2005
Dear Texas Mommy (and other moms in similar situations),
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. As if pregnancy isnt hard and emotional enough.
You know, years from now, you will be the one who has done right by your children. You will have raised two people who will hopefully look back on their childhood memories with you fondly.
And what will he have accomplished? He will have gotten some a**. He will always be the one who walked out on his kids. Time will judge him. You just take care of those babies the best you can and try to make a happy life for the three of you.
I'm rootin for ya!
Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa
Posts: 934 | Location: Minnesota | Registered: 08 December 2006
I am now in a similar situation. I have a 3 year old and about 2 months ago found out my husband of 4 years has been in a gay relationship for a year. I am 6 months pregnant with twins (2 more boys). I found out shortly before he visited with his friend (who lives out of the country) and decided at that time that no matter what his decision, him or me, that I could never trust him again and needed a divorce. How are you doing now? It's been a few months since your original post. How are you handling things? How's the baby? Any tips for a newbee in your situation?
Posts: 2 | Location: MD | Registered: 26 December 2006
Hi Texas mom hope you are well my dad had an affair and two months after my brother was born his mistress had a son and then my partner had a child with another woman before his daughter was even 20 months old any how, the thing I found ironic about my situation was my partner always said the worst things about my dad and turned around and did the same thing as him but worse he doesn't pay child support or send letters! He dumped the 20 something girlfriend who had a son with him and has now moved onto yet another relationship with a single mom. I am just thankful to be with my kid and that he is not telling his lies to me anymore. Actions tell the real truth and you will see that you are a powerhouse of strength and your sons will adore you.
Posts: 11 | Location: BC | Registered: 23 December 2006
Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online 
Thank you, as tired as I am, we're so much better off without him. It didn't take me long to figure that one out, I just wish it was that easy for everyone.
