I am a singled father of 2 that was recently divorced in April. We have joint custody of both children but they always stay at my house because she does not want them in her apartment. My daughter is 9 and disabled and my son is 15 months. My ex wanted out of the relationship but currently because of my daughter's needs she comes in Monday to Friday from 8 AM till 1 PM. She gets my daughter ready for school and watches are son. In North Dakota very few people can care for my daughter. We have a support systems but is very expensive. I currently give her back the child support since the judge ordered her to pay it. It is only $200 for both kids per month. She is Hispanic and she tells me that because of that she does not think she will find anyone. She has some problems she needs to work out to make a long story short. There was no custody battle for the kids during the divorce. She said she wants to move to California but she then wanted to take my son with her. I told her that would not be possible since she does not have a job and I feel she is not responsible enough. She wanted my opinion and even though I still love her she needs to work out her problems even before I try. She realizes with not living with the kids she is lonely now and feels trapped. She told me for the time being she was going to stay but I know this topic is going to come back up. I work in networking in North Dakota for the state but I am also a Canadian. All of my family live in Calgary Alberta in Canada and with my experience and education I would be able to have an income of about $80,000 per year and my parents are willing to give me $70,000 for a down payment on a house in Calgary to give me a new start. A good house is about $240,000. If my ex leaves I have the right to move with the kids anywhere I want since she moves first. I told her this and it puts us in a dillema. If she leaves I can go back to Canada the problem is with my daughter having special needs to get everything the way I want is going to be alot of work. Any advice on this.

Hi happydad,
You know kids are always a lot of work especially when they have special needs. Personally I would let her move (without the boy) and then if you want to go back to Canada I would. Sounds like you have a good support system there. I would find a job before you move if you can.
I know it is hard to detach from her but it sounds like you need to.
I wish you the best and lots of prayers.

Happydad,

From my distance perspective, it would be best if she were to go to California, and then you could move back home. If someday she gets her stuff together and you both decide to work on your family reuniting then so be it.
I have a question, if you are Canadian what status are your kids?
It seems to me our health care system with it's many flaws would be of benifit to your daughter's needs.

The divorce is still fresh

Lots of big choices to work through. Take your time and good luck.
Harmony

My kids can get dual citizenship since Canada does not ask you to forfeit your previous citizenship. I checked and I can obtain dual citizenship because even though in the oath to become A US Citizen you are suppose to relinquish your citizenship it is not valid since there is no Canadian offical there during the oath. So all of us would be in good shape. The good news is if I did move back she would have to go through the court system in Canada to try and change anything in the future which would benefit me being a single father. I am not going to rush into anything since for now she decided to stay but I figure by next year she will go.

Happydad, you have alot on your plate right now. It sounds like you already know in your heart what is best for you and your children. I know you love this woman, but face it, she is not stable enough to consider in lifelong decisions. It's heartbreaking when someone wants out of a relationship with another adult, but, when a parent cannot make up her mind about whether she wants her children, well, in my eyes, that's reason enough to harden my heart to them.
She takes the money ordered to pay for her children back in order for her to find someone? Why does she need money to find someone? Am I missing something here? Sounds like she needs to get her priorities straight in life.
You have beautiful kids, who look so happy in those pics. You are to be commended for accepting so wholeheartedely not only the responsibility of being a single parent, but especially a single parent with a child with special needs.
I have a question for you. If she decides to move, you can pick up sticks and move to Canada with your children. If she decides not to move to California, would you be able to move to Canada if you could prove to the courts it would be in the best interests of your children to do so? I mean, your parents are willing to help you out with the purchasing of a house, and I am sure would also be there to help out with your children. Iamharmony also made a good point. Wouldn't the Canadian health care system help out much more with your daughter's needs?
You know, whatever decision you make, it sounds like you will base it upon your children's needs first and foremost. You already know that their future is your priority in your decision-making. You're an like an A#1 dad in my book. Good luck.

I own my house now but I do have a mortgage. With her staying her and I have a job at the state I do OK. As long as she stays I can make a decent living here. My daughter has insurance and also Medicaid will pay anything my insurance does so that makes the issue easier. She was adopted from Columbia so I know she doesn't have the means to go to Mexico. She does even know Spanish. The tempting part is my mother is 53 and will retire next year so she would help watch the kids as well in Canada they have day homes in which while I am at work she would be taken to places and it is no cost to me during the summers. If the mother stays I will stay but if she goes I think I will have to make the move due to costs then. As of right now because I told her what I would do she is staying for now but the way she acts I could be moving this fall.

Happydad...you have such beautiful children. I am sorry to hear about your difficulties. You sound like you know what you're going to do, and like you always do what you need to do. I wish you luck and hope you find happiness.

Happy Dad

I personally can't relate to hearty with your problems myself. I was born in England, in Ampney Crucis, Gloucestershire. I moved to Quincy, Illinois when I couldn't find a decent job there. Now, as far as moving with children, I think I can readily agree that moving with kids is a task and half. My wife up and left, apparently because my son, Dante (darling little beast of mischief he is) was too much of a burden for her to deal .So she packed up and trucked out, leaving me with a four year old son and a bank account steadily falling towards zero. Now I live in Fort Collins, Colorado with Dante (now six) and I'm receiving threatening letters from my (ex?) wife, demanding I return with her 'darling and beloved' son or face legal action. To say the least mate, I can understand you troubles. It gets tough, but pissing people about won't make the wankers move on. Stand up, take the brunt of it all, and face it with all you've got. You'll persevere, and your kids will love you for it. Keep trying, don't give up, and don't despair. Liek we always say 'It's rainy most of the time, but the sun shines when the clouds decide to take a break'. Your due for a break I'm sure, so keep it up!