...I'm talking about RELIGION.

I'm Catholic. I've dated men who were not and have recently ended a relationship with a man who was.
My religion is important to me, and I want to raise my children Catholic.
Of course my Dad would LOVE it if I found a nice Catholic guy to marry and settle down with, but in my lonnngggggggg dating history, I tend to have more luck with men who aren't Catholic.

Ok, so here are the questions...

Question:
How important is it to find a man/woman who shares your personal religious beliefs?

Choices:
VERY important
somewhat important
Not important at all

Question:
AND...would you ever convert to your significant other's religion if it was very important to them?

Choices:
Yes
No

 

I'm Catholic as well (makes my mom happy to have one child stay in the fold - all of my sisters have moved away to other denominations). I feel the same regarding religion being an important part of my life, and wanting to raise my children Catholic, but religion is not an important criteria when considering dating someone. Also voted no, I couldn't see converting to anything else for any reason.

Me too...
I chose somewhat important and no, I wouldn't convert. I'm a cradle Catholic. I just couldn't imagine being anything else.

I have responded and deleted about a dozen times now. I feel verrrry strongly here. But so as not to alienate anyone, I'll relate a ridiculous story instead.

I was on Match.com and answered and ad. He had left religion blank. We started writing back and forth. I asked his belief and he replied agnostic. He asked mine and I replied Christian with a capital C. He asked if I would convert for him. huh? Convert to what? Yea, I never met him. Click. Delete.

I think it depends on not just the beliefs, but how strongly they are held. And what exactly the difference are in the two beliefs.

I am agnostic and broke up with a S. Baptist man. It is a long and drawn out story, but simply put he was not compatible with me. The incompatible parts were things that neither one of us could compromise and were dealbreakers.

However, we were both willing to accept each others beliefs but couldn't live with some of them.

Well this is interesting, as I recently started talking to someone who although was raised catholic, his views and beliefs have changed and basically in a nutshell he doesn’t believe in any of it, the whole organized religion, the bible..nothing. We've had long debates on this and I have given it some thought, although not a lot because it’s so very new and I like him enough to give it a chance. It might very well though pose an issue later on if things develop at a deeper level.

Ah... the R word. *cringe*


I cringe because there is a lot built into that word at times that can really hang a person up. As far as I am concerned, my belief in God and faith in what He sent Christ to do for us is a very important part of my life.

Now there can be a lot of garbage that people throw on top of the core principles... and that is what I consider "religion".


I am by far... not a holier than thou type of person. And I am happy to say that I just can not get away from the truth that I find speaking to my heart and my mind when I read my Bible.

I had a pretty massive crisis of faith in my early 20s when I really was forced to confront the religious garbage of a 6 day creation with the evidence of what is clearly an ancient earth with our origins firmly rooted in common ancestry with other animals.

But I tell you what... God was faithful to His promise to be found if I seek Him. Over a period of several months... more than a year actually in total... but in that time I was plugged in to all sorts of answers to the questions I had.

And I learned probably the most important lesson of all. There will never be an answer to all your questions. That would go contrary to the entire purpose behind setting up this existence as it is. Some things just require FAITH. It would completely defeat the purpose and the power we have available to us to fill the hole inside... and start becoming more than the shadows we are.

There will be no definitive answers on some things. Period.

However, there is more than enough evidence that points beyond to an answer we can all have faith in. We might not know the details of what got us here but we can find a trust in what is promised. And that brings faith.

The second most important thing that I have learned recently is that... so many times things are quoted from the bible and given a particular meaning by religion that we often fail to look deeper.

"Do not be unequally yoked." I always was told this meant that christians should be sure to chose other christians as partners.

Yes. This is true... but it goes deeper. I need someone that compliments me and is able to share the same burdens and joys... share in my love of art... revel in talking about the hows and whys of things... play like a complete goofball... risk the same risks.

It's more than just looking for the Christian stamp on the forehead and saying... ok... that mean a match. Obviously its not that simple... but it is an example of how frustrated I get with religion which often limits and destroys some profound meaning, experiences and truth.

There is a lot more I could write... but I think I will spare you. It is late and already this feels like it is not conveying everything the way I would like it to... but wanted to say something on it while I had the time.


In closing though... I really need to say this.

I would take every bit of "religion" and all the messed up things that we tend to add on to it... rather than never know any of it at all and completely miss the opportunity to understand for myself the difference. You don't have to throw the baby out with the bath water.


Anyone else out there a fan of Ravi Zacharias? The guy is absolutely brilliant.
The Top 5 Questions (part 1 of 5)
The Top 5 Questions (part 2 of 5)
The Top 5 Questions (part 3 of 5)
The Top 5 Questions (part 4 of 5)
The Top 5 Questions (part 5 of 5)

Ok Knight, you opened the door, so I'll peak around the corner.

I believe in God, Jesus and the Bible. I am not a fan of random men in funny hats with changing rules. I believe God meets you where you are. I do not agree that you must go to a physical brick and mortar building to find God.

That being said, I drive an hour each way to church. Faith has been attending since she was 16 days old. I also do a weekly bible study, and a MOPS group. I used to go an additional night to teach K-5 bible study - fun! ok, you get it, I go.

The question was how it would affect a future relationship. My ex-husband was jealous of the time I spent volunteering. So I slowed down and found it was me alone in the kitchen with him on a couch watching Yankee games. uh. hel-loooo. ugh. When we split up I did 7 mission trips in 17 months.

I will never again be with someone who thinks it is odd that not only do I read my bible, but I highlight and write in it and I can refer someone to specific passages like James 1 when they are going through a tough time of 'testing' etc. That singing Casting Crowns songs as mentioned in an earlier thread works outside of church as well.

My belief is such an integral part of who I am, it would be impossible for me to 'convert'. That being said, I see all Christianity as so similar that I think it is silly. i.e. Catholic vs Methodist vs Presbyterian vs Baptist vs Episcopalian, etc... (no idea on these spellings by the way - yikes) in the end, it is the same Jesus, the same God, the same bible. So I would attend any of those churches in the blink of an eye.

I have attended many different churches in my quest to find one closer to home. I find some good in almost every one of them. But to speak to my heart, it really has to be a bible based church with a heart for missions and outreach and places a huge emphasis on children. So, my plan is when the B&B I own sells, I am moving closer to my church. Princeton Alliance Church

So, religion is absolutely a deal breaker for me. That unequal yoking did not work well for me. But who knows if anything will work well for me. Maybe I was just meant to be alone.

wow - nice topic.
I was raised Christian (note the capital "C", Lauri!!) and my family was ridiculously religious. Extremely conservative, part of very charismatic sects that had alot of controlling and manipulating tendencies, that pushed down women and indoctrinated you to a certain set of beliefs where questioning anything someone in "Authority" over you was basically forbidden and frowned upon. I didn't do wrong things not because they were wrong, but because I didn't want to stand in front of the church and confess and be judged.

I married my husband (also a pastor! yikes!) because he told me it was God's will and my authority told me to do it. When I split from my husband, I went to our pastor - you have to understand that he had pushed me into a wall, taken everything away from me, locked me out of the house and kept me away from my children - and my pastor told me that if I wouldn't promise him (the pastor) that I would get back with my ex, he wouldn't "waste [his] time helping [me]".

My friends at the time, who were all Christians, turned on me and because I wouldn't talk bad about my ex, said I was in sin. My family, dedicated Christians that they are, cut off communication with me for the most part. It was a lovely scenario. The people who stayed around were the ones who didn't profess to be Christians. But they were real. and they helped.

After our split, I went the complete opposite way of my upbringing. My mom is pretty liberal now, as she broke free of the religion in our family a few years back, and I stayed with her (she was the one who didn't reject me).

I was a wild child, but I couldn't get away from my upbringing, from my ethics and moral standard and even though I played a nice game, I couldn't walk away from everything I believed in, so I tentatively started going back to church. I hated it, honestly. Every second I was there it felt like God was condemning me, judging me, telling me I would go straight to ****

... then over time I came to realize that those voices I always recognized as "God" - those were not God - it was just the words said to me growing up. It was the cultish indoctrination. It was not God at all, it was the "church"!

It opened my eyes. I still don't really go to church except for my kids. I'm involved with someone now who says he doesn't believe in God (he does, though) and I'm being tentative. I feel shakey and afraid and I rebel against any sign of relgious control - but I believe in my heart deep down that God IS in control. that he loves me, that he cares about what happens to me, and that no matter what, if I am true to my integrity and listen to my conscience, things will be alright in the end.

God will not forsake me. It is a belief that has never left me completely and I still cling to it like I cling to hope.

Yeah. Exactly the type of thing I am talking about here.

People have a way of really messing up the message and meaning in Christianity... couldn't have found a better example if I had tried to.


Sorry both of you went through those things... but don't we all have our trials to go through and decisions to make on what we believe?

I am glad you are both out of those situations.



It's funny really... the way that God will break through to me at times. I have been posting in a couple other areas about music and how it really has an impact on me as well as my experiences with a marriage involving domestic violence.

It just so happened that I had this song on my computer that I had never listened to before. And it nailed me right between the eyes at such a critical juncture of my battle to save myself and my daughter. It gave me goosebumps that day and I knew that I was meant to hear it at that time. It was shortly after taking the name DeadManWalking on that BPD/DV support group.

I had moved to DC... Sophie was going to be born in a few months... and I was barely hanging on.


I was going to post this song in the other thread but it seems more appropriate here.


Dead Man's Rope
-Sting



A million footsteps, this left foot drags behind my right
But I keep walking, from daybreak 'til the falling night
And as days turn into weeks and years
And years turn into lifetimes
I just keep walking, like I've been walking for a thousand years

Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,

If you're walking to escape, to escape from your affliction
You'd be walking in a great circle, a circle of addiction
Did you ever wonder what you'd been carrying since the world was black?
You see yourself in a looking glass with a tombstone on your back

Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain

All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I'm just hanging here in space

Now I'm suspended between my darkest fears and dearest hope
Yes I've been walking, now I'm hanging from a dead man's rope
With H*ll below me, and Heaven in the sky above
I've been walking, I've been walking away from Jesus' love

Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain

All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I'm just hanging here in space

The shadows fall
Around my bed
When the hand of an angel,
The hand of an angel is reaching down above my head

All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
Now I'm walking in his grace
I'm walking in his footsteps
Walking in his footsteps,
Walking in his footsteps

All the days of my life I will walk with you
All the days of my life I will talk with you
All the days of my life I will share with you
All the days of my life I will bear with you

Walk away from emptiness, walk away from sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away from anger, walk away from pain
Walk away from anguish, walk into the rain.



It was one of several moments that turned my life around. I truly was in limbo... hanging from a rope with either way I could go. Just the name of the song was jarring to me.

I love it when He does those things for me right when I need them... or when I am well past needing them and am desperate for them.

Sharing my faith is extremely important and my convictions about God are not subject to my current romantic interest.

I think this is why I will have long space until I am married again because a belief in God is not really sufficient for me. It is very important that the man I am with have a firm commitment to God, worships, and leads our family spiritual. And given that I come as a package, that's a pretty tall order, and no ordinary guy will do really. He has to be grounded in faith to take us all on.

Now I recognize there are no guarantees; I am a Christian getting a divorce and there are plenty like me. I do believe marriage was instituted by God, however, and I won't go into it again without an even stronger foundation than the first time.

Nor can I imagine how I can share my life with a man who doesn't believe what I believe. At best we can be great friends. But my ex for example was raised Catholic and I totally mainline. There were some minor differences and even in the discussion of them, it could have easily gotten heated, so I can't see how it would be any easier with a man who does even begin on the same first page as I do.

Gadzooks Jones, that is so intense I am not sure where to even begin. A friend of mine (how I see him now) used to be a pastor at my church. He and his wife are on their second church plant now and he had one of the most powerful lines I have ever heard. It goes something to the effect of: The number one cause of atheism and agnosticism in this country is Christians who do not act like Christians!

Sounds to me like exactly what you experienced, I am sorry for all of your pain. It is remarkable to me that you sound so terrific despite it. Hopefully the next church you make your home will teach you that all are not like that one.

There are good and bad within every denomination. I was raised in a horrible Catholic church and vowed never again, til I went to a baptism at another one and it was a terrific church. I have been to a Methodist church who told me they did not need an outsider helping when I volunteered for VBS and I went to another one that welcomed me with open arms. Hence my earlier statement that I dont really care which denomination a church is, I care about the heart and leadership and direction of the church.

When I found out I was pregnant, I went to my pastor and asked if he'd prefer I not come around for a while as I did not want to bring any shame/embarrassment to the church and I certainly did not want the parents of the kids in my Bible Study to be uncomfortable. His response sums it all up for me - Laurie there is nothing that you could ever do to make us stop loving you and calling you our own. Christ died on the cross for all sins, yes, even yours. There is no level of sin, ok a lie is 3 points, baby out of wedlock is 8 points, murder is 20 points. All sins. Forgiven.

He also helped with guilt over my divorce when I lamented that the bible says God hates divorce. He replied, yes, God hates divorce but He does not hate women who get divorced, He hates abortion but He does not hate women who get abortions, He hates war, but He does not hate soldiers who go to war... Powerful.

I am the first person they know to intentionally get pregnant while single, but they have embraced me. A couple of folks are cold to me - ironically they are the people I cared about least to begin with. They judge everyone. I feel for them as I think it is because they are so immature in thier own walk, that they do not know how to embrace flaws in themselves much less others and this brings thier own humanity and frailty too close to home for them.

I am overwhelmingly supported there. I stood on the altar with a big smile at Faith's baby dedication on Palm Sunday, people clapped, a couple of them even cried because they knew how much it meant to me. Most have given me gifts, they ooh and aah over Faith and they offer to babysit.

I have also remained very close with the pastor from Camp Katrina who gave me a line I have taped to my desk "The degree if panic activity in my life is equal to the degree of my lack of personal spiritual experience"

On a lighter note I have a card on the other side - there is a phone on the front and it reads "It's for you...
"Good Morning, this is God..."
open it and read
I will be handling your problems today.
I will not need your help.
So have a good day."

Faith just woke up, so I will not be able to wrap this up neatly, maybe I'll come back and edit later!

I guess it doesn't seem very hard to me to have gone through what I went through because at the time it was all I knew and afterward, I stil did not know how it should be, so I didn't grieve as much... I don't know if that makes sense.

The bottom line for me I guess is that I believe judging Christians based on their Christianity and believing that all Christians will behave the way I have experienced is as bad to me as Christians judging people in the way I experienced - I mean, judging is judging, and in reality, do any of us have the right to pass judgement on anyone else? I don't think we do - only the right to make choices for ourselves and our children.

I thought about this one a while before responding. I think about religion a lot and could really go on for awhile if I chose to.

I met a woman in Chicago who is an independent missionary, and we talked about this subject for 4 hours.

I'm presbyterian, but my religious beliefs are so personal and private to me (and god) that they can't be summed up by naming my denomination. Suffice it to say that any relationship I commit to would have to be with a woman who is equally yoked to me. She could be Catholic or protestant, but would have to share my general morality and appreciation for christ's teachings. I think I could even commit to a mormon, a deist, or an agnostic as long as we shared the same personal morality and spirituality.

I wouldn't convert for anybody, because that would be insincere. I would never ask anyone to convert for the same reason.

Ok...so I guess my deal is wanting someone to share my values. That's what I REALLY want. I want someone who wants to raise our children with good Christian values. Religion is not really the factor. BUT...I would want our children to be raised Catholic. So finding someone who is a different religion, who doesn't mind our children being raised Catholic is probably going to be hard to find. Also, I will only marry in the Catholic Church.
So....Maybe I should just plan on being a single mommy for the rest of my time.

I dunno, though, I think if I happen to stumble upon the man of my dreams, and we were "head-over-heels" in love...we'd work out all of those details.