thinking about a colleague who came in one day and didn't feel like working, she said:

gonna find me a man, very old and very rich and then I'm going to £$%^ him to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL..hey it worked for Anna Nicole.

i dont know. I feel all of your fears and i think that it has also been a wall around me..but I would like to get married. I feel like if i meet the right person maybe i can trust them around my son.
My greatest fear is that someone i brought into his life hurts him either emotionally or physically. And I have always said that whoever I marry would need to be a helluva man for both of us and would truly view him as his son and adopt him.
I would need to meet the right person...i guess then i would just know

I voted no. I never saw myself married - even as a little girl. I was engaged once and planned our wedding and even then I couldn't see myself walking down the isle. I never did get married and I doubt I ever will.

quote:

Originally posted by miss jes:
I voted no. I never saw myself married - even as a little girl. I was engaged once and planned our wedding and even then I couldn't see myself walking down the isle. I never did get married and I doubt I ever will.

MJ this is not a personal attack in any way. I would have responded to this no matter who posted it.

Your words are my biggest fear. Somewhere else you posted that you were raised by a single mom. Now as an adult you are saying you never saw yourself married - not even as a little girl.

Do you think it is because what was modeled to you was a single mom household?

I have no desire to marry again or even date again at this point - but I know it is fear talking and I have to get over it. I am going to contradict myself here as I "blame" Faith for my feelings.

When it was just my heart on the line I could take chances. I suppose part of me never felt worthy of love and/or happiness so I sabotaged the good ones and embraced the bad ones - who knows. I kept trying since I didnt really think I had much to lose. But I dont want my daughter to have a broken heart because I chose poorly. She'll have enough broken hearts in her lifetime all on her own.

The flip side is that I would like to model to her a happy healthy family with a mommy and a daddy and brothers and sisters - yea the dogs, white picket fence, front porch swing, lemonade stand, every single cliche you can think of, I'd love her to have them (and I'd like them too) so for her I would want to date and marry and adopt or procreate our little hearts out.

While I have never been happier in my life than I am now, I do not wish this life on her.

Therein lies the conundrum - I must conquer several fears to prevent my single biggest fear - and there are no guarantees...

Don't see myself geting married again. Completely fine with it. Some people can make it work and I truly admire them. Myself? Glad I experienced it and got it out of my system. Learned some valuable lessons while being married. It will take someone real extraordinary to make me rethink my position.

I stand by my previous statement althought its getting more and more obvious to me that marriage is not in the cards for me.

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
Your words are my biggest fear. Somewhere else you posted that you were raised by a single mom. Now as an adult you are saying you never saw yourself married - not even as a little girl.

Do you think it is because what was modeled to you was a single mom household?..

I'm not sure. My mom has been married twice, still married to her second husband. Even though she was a single mom, she was almost always in a relationship.. apart from the few years of transition. I've only ever seen her in 3 serious relationships though so it's not like she bounced around from man to man either .. and 2 out of 3 of those were healthy relationships. I don't think it has anything to do with how she raised us but more to do with the lack of trust/faith I have for my dad and maybe men in general. My dad was very abusive so married life was not at all a fun place to be. Ironically, I ended up engaged with a man who was similar to him in certain ways .. patterns do repeat themselves. But I'm generally a detached person which is what keeps me single.

I know in my heart of hearts that I will marry again someday. I doubt it happens before I retire though.

I will always wonder if my dad married because he was just lonely. I still wonder if my dad stays married because he's afraid to be alone. I just can't imagine that he really loves my stepmom. She is such a horrible person and has no heart. I dont know why he still has her around. I never understood that growing up and even as an adult I dont understand.

So I am a cynic I guess when it comes to getting married. I almost did. Came 3 months to the date. Then thankfully the relationship ended. I didn't see the good then but I do see it now and did shortly thereafter.

Who knows! Maybe someone will come knock me off my feet and ask me.

I definitely want to get married again one day. When/if I meet the right guy and things work out then I'd say yes. I would have a few more expectations this time around though and would make them a lot more clear up front.

Marriage is wounderful if you are with the right person. That is why I think you need to live with someone first. I think we all have that fear because of previous partners, etc. If I find someone that I can fall in love with again and likes me for who I am, then I might get married again.

I've never been married, so yes i'd like to get married. If for no other reason than some daily coffee & someone to split the bills.

I loooooooved being married. I loved that I could do silly little things all day long for "my" man. I'd write little notes that said things like "you're my fantasy man" "i love your crooked toothed smile" and i'd draw a smiley face "you rock" "you make me proud" etc etc etc and i would hide them in his pockets after i did laundry.

i would see things that i knew he'd like and buy them all year long so on his birthday and Christmas he'd have these amazingly spot on perfect gifts.

i loved the you and me against the world feeling. i would brag about him endlessly to folks, sometimes talking myself back in to believing it if we had just had a fight.

i loved always having a dinner date, a snuggle partner and a hug. i loved not killing spiders and not being afraid to be home alone or out alone for that matter.

i hated that he had a girlfriend the entire time and walked away from the marriage without batting an eye or shedding a tear or trying therapy. he seems to have an on/off switch to his heart and just clicked it off one day - though truth be told, it was on a dimmer switch for quite some time and i refused to see it.

i think if our society did not accept divorce so easily and he could not just cut and run that it would have forced him to work through his anger issues and well, i am going to stop now, cuz it just plain stinks when you think about it.

this is my third deep non-silly or sarcastic post in as many days. man, i feel like knight should be here writing these LOL ok, i feel a little better now. just kidding ryan... love you man... * running for cover *

I am totally wishy washy on this one...

A part of me says **** No--I will never get married again.

Then there is the other part that dreams of someday, somewhere over the rainbow where dreams come true....