I am interested in finding out what experiences people have had when it came to dating and relationships with respect to the other person having or not having kids.

So far I have found that there is a certain amount of annimosity from the other person with respect to my child if the person does not have children of their own.

Question:
Which have you found to be more difficult/unsuccessful? Dating someone:

Choices:
With kids of their own.
Have no kids of there own.
Find no difference between the two.

 

I personally think that it's harder to date someone who DOESN'T have kids. I've dated both and guys who have kids understand that you can't make a date because your child is sick, etc. Dating a guy who has no children, in MY experience, is more difficult for me because they can't relate and they are impatient for my time. I dated a man not too long ago who didn't have children and we broke up because he started showing signs of resentment towards my daughter because I wouldn't constantly find a babysitter to go out alone with him. There's no choice to make. My daughter is always going to be my #1.

I agree with coffeebls. I have no experience dating as a single mom so this is just my opinion. But I find a man who is a good father to be very sexy. I think I would perfer someone who understands what it is like to be a parent. I tend to think long term when it comes to things like this so I would want to see that we share similar parenting skills and goals for our children. It also seems to me that for the most part there comes a different type of maturity and sense of responsibility with being a parent that someone who isnt a parent doesn't have. And of course he would have to understand that my children come first with me.. and his would as well. I think that may be harder for someone without kids to understand.
I guess thats assumeing your looking for a real relationship and not just s@x.

S@x is referred to as "Coffee" on this forum! LOL!!!

I would love to answer this but I have not dated anyone since my daughter's father . . . which would mean 6 years without a date due to relationship then child. But i'm not complaining.

I prefer to date other single parents. It just seems like it's hard for a man my age who doesn't have children to understand what it's like to have that commitment. There was a guy that wanted to date me who had never been married/had kids. I ended up passing on going out with him because he did things like call me up at 7pm on Thursday night wanting me to go out at 8 or 9. I'm sure that seemed really normal to him, but he didn't get it that I can't just walk out the door on an hour's notice. Not to mention work and school. I need at least a couple days notice.

quote:

Originally posted by YJL279:
S@x is referred to as "Coffee" on this forum! LOL!!!

I should know better.lol I am so ashamed

I think this questions may sometimes be different for men, than it is for women.

I find women to be more accepting...maybe even preferring of a man with children. You do occasionally get a woman that NEEDS to be the center of attention and won't compete with a man's children, but I dont find that too often.

So, although I prefer a woman with children...I cant say it matters a lot.

Does that makes sense? if not,...I didnt say it.

Hmmm

How about a man who has had children but they don't live with him?

To me it really doesn't matter if the lady has kids or not.
I see it as a communation issue.
can you relate to kids or not?
If you have been a Daddy (as apposed to a father which any male could be)then you know how to talk with kids.
If you can't, there is not much point in going on with the relationship. You know "coffee" happens, and children are the prize.

Now me I'd just like a lady to talk dirty to me.
We can work on the other things later.

Dawg

I have dated a man who has children. That was 2 years ago. If it did not work out, it was certainly for many reasons, but one was also his kids and the way he dealt with it all and the way I dealt with it all.
He had the kids every second week. The weeks when the kids were not there, it would be impossible to 'do' anything (like spending a day at the beach or visiting a city or anything outside town) with him on the weekend, because he dedicated his time to all the things 'he couldn't do when the kids were there' (I wonder when I can do those things, considering my son is always with me). And when they were there, there were things we didn't do of course, because they became too 'difficult' (like visitng a city, ..we never spent a day at the beach either, I wonder why). As a result we would stay home all the time. When I left on my own on one weekend (with my child of course), he ended up being mad.
It's just an example.

I think it was just like having a family must be: the kids have the priority and the parents can find no time for the 2 of them.

We never went out for dinner or to spend an evening in town just the 2 of us. It was too complicated I guess.

That's my only experience of dating a man after I had a child. I am pretty sure it could have worked out if it had only been him.

Although I have very little experiance with dating (16 years ago). I would have to agree that women with kids can relate much better to the different situations, and topics of discussion. But also, I know some ladies who have no children, but they want to have some of there own and interact with them very well. So I guess it depends.

I get the feeling that someone with kids also can have a better appreciation for your own child. It is a give give relationship... or at least should be.

I actually found the opposite when seeing someone that didn't have a child. She began to feel like she was being unfairly burdened with my "baggage". I really don't want someone thinking of my child in that way.

And I agree Dew... there is always time for you and your significant other. It just takes prioritizing it.

quote:

But I find a man who is a good father to be very sexy.

I completely agree. Usually if they are a good father with their own kids, they're good to yours too.

quote:

S@x is referred to as "Coffee" on this forum! LOL!!!

Yeah I figured that out AFTER I put down my user name. I just wanted something easy to remember (and it's my ebay name...) How funny.

quote:

Originally posted by paulj_in_phx:
I think this questions may sometimes be different for men, than it is for women.

I find women to be more accepting...maybe even preferring of a man with children. You do occasionally get a woman that NEEDS to be the center of attention and won't compete with a man's children, but I dont find that too often.

So, although I prefer a woman with children...I cant say it matters a lot.

Does that makes sense? if not,...I didnt say it.

It makes sense to me. Before I had a daughter, I dated a lot of men with kids and I enjoyed having them around. It was the full package I loved, but I think that is one of the main drives in most women. In some way, we all want to be mothers (even if it is to a dog or a man )