Let's say you were just informed that your company was initiating a flex time program where you could work 40 hours in 4 workdays and take the 5th workday off.

I have had those days where I am so exhausted that I will literally go sit in the parking lot next to the daycare and catch a cat nap in my car for 45 minutes after work and pick Sophie up before it closes. Or go and do some quick grocery shopping. I was berated for doing such a "selfish" thing before and not going to get my daughter immediately...

Needless to stay, it struck a nerve in me and made me question whether I was being a good parent. Wonder if other people have dealt with the same emotions or not...

Question:
What would you do with your "free" day?

Choices:
I would spend the time with my child(ren).
I would spend a portion of the day with my child(ren) and a portion for myself.
I would put my child(ren) in daycare like every other day and take the day to myself to get things done or rest.
I wouldn't use the flex time.

Question:
When you think of taking the day for yourself, how guilty do you feel?

Choices:
Very guilty, can't do it.
Pretty guilty, probably won't do it.
Guilty, it's a toss up...
Some guilt, but not enough to keep me from doing it.
No problem, I deserve a break and my kids will benefit from it too!

 

I really can't vote here as I own my own business and have Hannah with me every day so most of this doesn't apply to me....but....
On the other hand....I do take days once in awhile and she goes with some friends for a few hours in the afternoon. I don't feel guilty at all because we spend so much time together but I do get weird after the first hour she's gone.

I would take the day for myself and TRY not to feel guilty. It's taken this long for me to finally realize that I am a better mother when I get some time to myself. That doesn't mean that I don't think about my kids when I'm away from them. They are constantly on my mind. If I didn't take time to workout during the week, I'd be a nervous wreck...just because that is my stress relief. So when my mom offers to take one or both of the kids for a few hours, I don't even THINK about saying no.

I am an Irish Catholic girl...need I say more!! The guilt is ingrained in me from BIRTH!!! LMAO!!! But I think I need to check this again in the Fall...I still only work 3 days a week b/c my daughter is not in Kindergarten yet. However I have made some pretty serious financial sacrifices to be there for them too. So when she goes to school it will be different. Last year with kids,work & Graduate program it was tough too, but worth it in the long run I think! It is nice to have a Sunday sometimes when the kids are w/ their Dad & I know I have stuff I should be doing but just lay on the couch & watch a movie...now that is guilt I can deal with!!LOL

quote:

Originally posted by Jaylie:
I am an Irish Catholic girl...need I say more!!

Me too! High five for Irish Catholic girls!!!

The GUILT they instill in us is amazing isn't it!! LMAO!!!

I voted for a guilt-free day to myself.

But it's taken me a while to get here. I've always loved my time to myself, and wondered what was "wrong" with me when it seemed that all the other mothers in the world enjoy every minute with their kids.

I'm going to stand up and admit that I do not enjoy every minute with my child. I love my daughter, don't get me wrong, but I really do need some space, too.

I used to compare myself to these other mothers, and make myself feel guilty, worrying what others would think of me if I admited that I sometimes got burned out with the full-time mommy thing, much less indulged in an occasional day to myself.

Then I realized I was doing it to myself, and that I get to decide whether or not to feel guilty. So I don't allow the guilt in anymore.

quote:

Originally posted by captmatrix:
I voted for a guilt-free day to myself.

But it's taken me a while to get here. I've always loved my time to myself, and wondered what was "wrong" with me when it seemed that all the other mothers in the world enjoy every minute with their kids.
...

In large part I think that can sometimes be a show. Kids also need some space as well.

I think it is, Michail.

And I think I was guilty of participating in it, myself. Thinking that I needed to prove that I was a "good mom" like all of the others.

I guess that is the point of what I discovered. I feel that I am an outstanding mom, and it's not because I spend every free moment with my daughter ('cause I don't!).

And yes, Binta needs space from me, as well. Just ask how we're doing the last few days of any week off from school! We're usually both guilty of having shorter tempers with each other after having so much time together. lol!

Oh, and BTW, Knight.

I'm as angry as you to hear that you got berated for "indulging" in a moment to yourself.

There is a very strong attitude in the United States that parents must be able to provide everything for their children. If they cannot, they have failed and demonstrated themselves as unfit parents.

(I, of course, completely disagree with this kind of thinking!)

Some cultures believe "it takes a village" to raise a child, and they really put it into practice. I saw this when I was in Senegal. You do not see parents running around, making themselves crazy with the limitations of what one person can reasonably do. Everyone chips in. It's expected. It's the norm.

My empirical observations are that these parents are much happier than we are, too.

Many people like to throw that "village" phrase around, but deep down, we need to realize that there is a LOT of pressure in our society to be completely self-sufficient when it comes to raising children.

I'd be interested in hearing thoughts from single parents outside of the U.S...

We have a large Haitian population in Florida and I've noticed they let their kids/toddlers roam the neighborhoods a bit. You see a bit of a culture clash there as the Americans freak out that they are being bad parents.

Me being the subtle observer that I am understood this "village aspect" of looking looking after the children. After a while though I think they begin to realize the American's aren't so good at looking after children.

Sometimes I feel like single parents get looked at twice as hard than couples. It's okay for a married father to take a nap but not a single dad. bleh.. :P

I wish people stop treating children of single parents as if they are deprived. Many of them don't even think they are, especially if the other parent isn't involved.

I think I'm going off topic.... so I'll stop now. Getting sleepy too... I need to go to bed.

I'm not sure this really applies to me since my ex has her every other weekend so I do get time to myself. Oddly enough I used to feel really guilty about the free time and doing things for myself and quite frankly hated being without her. However, lately I've change my tune a little (a lot really) and now cherish my time just as much with her as I do without her. It's just so much healthier and I don't stress nearly as much anymore..lol. I also think this has to do with the fact that she's getting older, more independent and I really don't worry as much as I used to. I think it's just a natural progression that happens as they get older..well at least it was for me (I guess it's called letting go ).

Yegh...it's that letting go that I have a hard time with!! I let my 10 year old son with his 12 year old BFF ( a very responsible girl) go up to the center of town alone to buy a slush! I think I held my breath until they got home!! It is terrifying, but I know essential to let them loose a bit!!

Cailin...I LOVE the picture of your daughter....she is beautiful!! The face of an angel!!

My schedule isn't really flex time, but it does have some built in weekdays off since I work every other weekend. Never even considered keeping the boys in daycare on those days, they were always home with me. And yes, on rare occasions when I had something scheduled on those days, and had to have them go to daycare, it did cause some feelings of guilt. But those days are coming to an end, as my youngest will start kindergarten this fall. Not saying that I won't enjoy the free time (as I have precious little) - but not sure what I'm going to do with it.