My son has been going to this new school for the past 1.5 years...middle catholic school. 7/8.
It seems that since he started teh school he has been getting into frequent mischiefs...he is doing things he has never done before i.e...in grade seven it was grouping with kids to steal these chocolate bars from the teachers desk...it was being threatened by some kid with a knife who gave my son a death threat...he has had alot of incomplete assignements, homework not done etc....
Grade 8 this year, stealing paper from teh paper room, which caused an indoor suspension.... stealing and money paper thing I spoke of in one other post a couple of months ago...he hasn't done any of those since.

He has been seeing a psychiatrist who after the third visit basically said all's well that ends well, nothing wrong with your son except for ADHD, so send along the academic reports from his entire school life...fine...

Now, he this week decided he wasn't going to be a victim to school bullying anymore, so out of nowhere, in the hallway, he decks teh kid, right in the jaw, the kid apparently fell to the floor and starting crying.

My son was wrong to do this as he could have used his words.

However, after parent teacher interviews I was asking about how they had been accomodating his education assessment reviews...i.e sitting in front of the class, extended time on projects, etc....none of which have been accomodated...he has been sitting in the back of the class and so far no accomodations have been met.

So I am wondering perhaps the school load is too much for him this year because before he went to that school, he was in a Selk program, which is a specialized program for children with learning disabilities.

In this school they decided he no longer required to be in such a class....so I am curious do you think i should move him out of the school into another one not too far away that offers the same program he used to be in?

I am wondering if the class load is perhaps too much and he is rebelling against it because he feels frustrated>? He says no, but I can't think of any good reason why he has not completed one project assignment.

Now he is being threatened through MSN...the kid he hit, has friends who would not identify himself but said that he would have his "***" so....i am getting really tired dealing with all of this and I do not recognize my son since he has started in that school.

Change the school? or keep him in and let him fight his own battles?

Part of his assignment stuff might just be an age thing, meaning a lot of kids right about middle school start to slack off some.....from what I've heard especially in 8th grade. I can tell you from experience that I had to give my daughter a bit of "extra motivation" last year/8th grade.

As for the bully thing.....I'm torn. I'm torn between violence solves nothing and sometimes you just have to stand up to a bully. So I'm no help there sorry. Unfortunately it sounds like maybe it's escalating and either these other kids are full of hot air like many are or maybe your son is not quite done with needing to stand up for himself. Seriously, if I had a nickel for everytime I've heard kids talk about fighting and I had to give back a dollar for everytime they actually fought.....I'd still be money ahead. You will want to keep an eye and ear open just in case, perhaps you'll get a better idea of how serious or not these other threats are.

As for the school....and back to the assignments. Talk with your son more and pose the options to him. See what he thinks about changing schools, and work in that conversation that if that work really isn't too much for him as he says that he needs to show it and get those assignments completed or school/program choices will need to be made whether he likes it or not, it won't be his choice then.

Well I am just wondering i fhim being academically challenged, and into a regular classroom got him into the wrong group because perhaps he didn't feel he fit in with the others.

I understand kids don't want to do homework, but to not do any assignments..big projects is a pretty big thing, I think. Ok, maybe a few times I can understand being late, for whatever reason, but to simply avoid everything...i don't know what is normal and what isn't when it comes to learning disabilities, or "difficulties".

I am starting to think that he isn't lazy, that maybe the program is too challenging for him and he needs the modification.

another part of me says well the challenge was a good experience for him, maybe leave it alone.

as for punching the kid in the face...everyone was shocked...no one expected this from him. He has never hit anyone, so I am wondering he must have been very upset...

Apparently this has been going on for 3 months, and my son never said anything about it. I asked him why and he said he wanted to deal with it himself.


I am at a point where I don't know who's side I should be on. Something doesn't feel right.

Psychiatrist says he is a good kid, good heart, nothing wrong, he made mistakes, he learned from them. Principle says, tell him not to close the case cause my boy has anger issues.

Granted...so I am not sure I want to haul my kid back to the psych department just to say , something is wrong with my kid because he finally got tired and gave the first punch...so he must have anger issues....

No clue anymore.

How long has the no assignments etc. been going on? I was just thinking like a couple/few here and there missing/late type thing. There's more to it somewhere, with him or the school or...something..... and I'm at a loss there, but yeah something needs to change.

About him punching this kid. If it's been going on for 3 months, that's a long time in the life of a kid. Means he's been stuffing the feelings from being bullied and I suppose he had his fill and "exploded", unfortunately into that kid's face. BTW, even for standing up to a bully I wouldn't have voted for in the face for the first punch. How did you find out it's been going on for 3 months?

Miranda,

I thought about it overnight and if the school isn't willing to accommodate his needs, he's having so many emotional issues, and others seem to be bullying.....it just doesn't seem like a formula for success.

From my experience with my little one (I've never experienced a teen with ADHD) he is already extra emotional. I cannot imagine, though I will learn (scary) adding hormones and bullies to the situation. Perhaps asking him what he liked better and why? Did he like being in a class that was for those that needed extra help or does he like being in with everyone else. I know some children that feel made fun of just being in a special program and some that feel safe. There has to be a balance between "institutionalizing" them in a special needs classroom to where they are never comfortable challenging themselves and pushing them into an environment that is completely destructive to their special needs.

I understand that you can't be there everyday to see the bullying or his partcipation in class. I am concerned that if he's had issues for this long why the school hasn't said anything. For the principal to blame everything on your son is also ridiculous. Teachers know when other children are bullied or doing the bullying. I think its a cop out for them to say the one that finally threw a punch has all the issues.

His education is the most important part I think. If the school he's in now isn't meeting his needs and doesn't show any sign of doing so it's time to move back to the other place. As to the social aspect of the situation, it sounds eerily similar to what my girlfriend's son went through last year. He's the poster child for ADHD; last year the school system spent a lot of time dragging their feet meeting his needs as determined by them (!!). He was in trouble on a weekly basis, fights on the bus, got suspended for a few days for a playground incident, and academically the year was a slow motion train wreck. This year the system is doing their job and it's almost been a complete 180 from the previous year; his work is getting done and he's getting good grades, virtually no incidents with other kids.

quote:

About him punching this kid. If it's been going on for 3 months, that's a long time in the life of a kid. Means he's been stuffing the feelings from being bullied and I suppose he had his fill and "exploded", unfortunately into that kid's face. BTW, even for standing up to a bully I wouldn't have voted for in the face for the first punch. How did you find out it's been going on for 3 months?

I found out through the principle it was going on for three months for this particular case with the boy in question. I asked my son and he said that was true...

quote:

Originally posted by Blindsky75:
Miranda,

I thought about it overnight and if the school isn't willing to accommodate his needs, he's having so many emotional issues, and others seem to be bullying.....it just doesn't seem like a formula for success.

From my experience with my little one (I've never experienced a teen with ADHD) he is already extra emotional. I cannot imagine, though I will learn (scary) adding hormones and bullies to the situation. Perhaps asking him what he liked better and why? Did he like being in a class that was for those that needed extra help or does he like being in with everyone else. I know some children that feel made fun of just being in a special program and some that feel safe. There has to be a balance between "institutionalizing" them in a special needs classroom to where they are never comfortable challenging themselves and pushing them into an environment that is completely destructive to their special needs.

I understand that you can't be there everyday to see the bullying or his partcipation in class. I am concerned that if he's had issues for this long why the school hasn't said anything. For the principal to blame everything on your son is also ridiculous. Teachers know when other children are bullied or doing the bullying. I think its a cop out for them to say the one that finally threw a punch has all the issues.

I talked to him about going back into the special needs program and he really does not want to. It is true that he gained alot of self confidence being in the regular classroom originally. However the teachers seem to forget that he is an IPRC student and has IEP's every 3 months or so. Nothing has been done to meet his needs, is what I realized, so therefore, I am thinking that he may feel overwhelmed by the expectations in the class.

After thinking more about it, I realized that my son was just tired of others stepping on his toes and bullying him.

He didn't think the teachers would do anything about it, so he chose to take matters into his own hands. My son is an amazing artist. One of these days I will scan his artwork on here. He is also a very good poet. He gave some of his work to a girl, who got it stolen by another boy who ridiculed him and the work out of jealousy. So he chose to sock him one instead. He said he gave him many chances to return the work.

I think your right about it being a cop out for the school to blame the one who threw the punch first.

Although justin was pretty adament about not regretting what he did, but knows he could have handled it differently. Will he? Who knows.

This was his first punch ever, so after the years of being bullied, deep down inside, I feel a little proud, even though it was wrong.

quote:

How long has the no assignments etc. been going on? I was just thinking like a couple/few here and there missing/late type thing. There's more to it somewhere, with him or the school or...something..... and I'm at a loss there, but yeah something needs to change.

Don, he always had slow processing skills. It is part of the tourettes. He always completed assignments(projects) before, usually late, but he got them done and i never expected more out of him because with him, you kind of have to go at his rythym because that is how he processes the information.

Since he has been going to this new school since grade 7, he has not completed one project assignement. I will have to go to the school next week, meet with the resource teacher and find out if they are giving him the "extended" time he is allowed to have. Perhaps this is why he never completed them? I don't know.

Homework , he says he does it at school, so something is not right. Doesn't make sense to not have that much homework in a regular class, for a boy who came out of a specialized program, and who has slow processing skills, and basically jumped one grade because that is the difference between where he was at and where he is now.

Am I still just confused?
If he isn't bringing home school work because he is doing it in class, how are these projects not being done? Are these things that are strictly at school projects, that can't be worked on at home? And if so, why isn't he working on those at school and bring home his "homework" to do then?

Don, it appears your just as confused as I am. LOL
To be honest, I don't think he is getting done his homework, and if he is, he is winging it, by putting any answers in it and leaving it at school.

I'm afraid I still don't know any of the answers. I have had parent teacher interviews during the interview times, and have made frequent calls to the school asking 'what's going on with my son" and "why is this going on"

So...we will see.

I Justin had a good scare I think, I told him I was thinking of changing him schools and putting him into the previous program since he is not bringing his work home, and assignmetns are not done, so maybe it is too much?

He said it wassn't too much.

So i said well, roll up your sleeves and get to work because to me, if you are not lazy then it must mean that maybe you are having a hard time keeping up, or not understanding your assignments....

clueless mama here...

Consider trying a new rule, even if he claims that homework is done at school he needs to bring it home to show you that it's done. And perhaps a weekly log back and forth with the teacher stating whether or not all assignments were completed that week. You'll be able to be more constantly informed that way, and it should help get him back in the habit of completing all these things and become accountable for himself after a while.

Ha...Don, the teachers have basically given up on getting him to use the agenda, and so have I.

We even made it a rule that he had to have his teacher sign his agenda to show something was written in it.

Teachers told me at interview that he had to be more responsible wiht the agenda...yes we all know that LOL so .... it isn't working for whatever reason.

Then they made a rule that if the homework is not done, there is detentions. He had a few, but detentions stopped LOL

So I thought of getting him into a specific study time every night, wether there is homework or not, perhaps at 7 or whatever time when we get back from the gym, there is no activities until he spends an hour reading, reviewing or doing whatever in his homework.


But it is interesting though...I ought to call the school and find out if homework is actually gettting done..i know that assignemtns liek projects are completely ignored.