I need a guys perspective on something...It seems like everytime I mention to a guy that Jeramiah has autism they go runnin for the hills before I can even really tell them about him. With Bub about 85% of the time you can't really tell that there is anything different about him except for maybe his speech, he is very high functioning, but the problem is they don't stick around long enough to notice that.

So here's my question... How should I bring up the subject, and when? Should I be totally upfront right away, or wait awhile and then say something? What would freak you out the least? The reason I am asking is because, one of Sam's friends Dad just asked us to a bar b que this weekend at his place. We have gone to coffee and flirt a lot but I haven't told him about Bub yet and I REALLY don't want to scare him away! How do I approach this?!?

Did someone ask for an opinion? Well, since you asked...

You shouldn't try to hide your son's autism, but you don't have to spell out your life story to this guy before you're even dating either

relax, and have fun. As you and this guy start talking, your kids will naturally come up and just be natural about it... there is so much to say about your boy, autism doesn't define him, it's just one part of who he is. If you get real serious and say "my son is autistic" he'll probably have visions of Rain Man and run because there are still many people ignorant of what autism is. Once the guy knows YOU a little bit, and knows some other things about your son, the autism thing maybe won't be such a shock.

IMO, you don't have to mention it unless it comes up. Right now, the guy is just someone you are trying to get to know. If things look like they might move towards a relationship, then you should talk about your kids more specifically, but right now you're not recruiting a father you just are curious about the guy

Well stated Moosey, I fully agree.

Second the motion. Let him get to know you AND your kids first.

Thanks guys! I guess I just always feel like I want them to know what they are getting into. Anyways, we bar b qued this weekend and he was very well behaved, Miah really liked him and kinda followed him all evening! He didn't seem to mind though, and played with the kids a lot so that was kinda cool. We are going to dinner without all our kids this week and I think I will tell him then. Now that he kinda knows Bub and can see that his Autism isn't anything to be freaked out about.

thats cool mary! dinner huh.... ooooooooo sounds like someones crushing on you : ) makes me happy, I've actually got a goofy grin on my face thinking about it (yeah I'm a dork)

quote:

Originally posted by Moosey:
thats cool mary! dinner huh.... ooooooooo sounds like someones crushing on you : ) makes me happy, I've actually got a goofy grin on my face thinking about it (yeah I'm a dork)

Thanks! I have had a goofy grin on my face all weekend too! But now I am kinda nervous, I haven't been on a date in FOREVER! I think I might really like him, I actually trust my kids with him, which is huge cause I don't trust ANYONE with my babies, especially Miah. Let's just hope the word autism doesn't scare him. I have actually had a guy say "so he's like Rain Man?" I can't believe how many ignorant people there are out there!

Moosey, just out of curiousity how do women react when you tell them about your little man?

quote:

so he's like Rain Man?" I can't believe how many ignorant people there are out there!

I've got to tell you though, for some one with no idea, well....
personally i've been meaning to google autism to learn what it is just since reading posts on this forum, I've wanted to ask, but
A thought i might offend someone
B thought i might look stupid (though i take that risk often)
so please forgive me as i have thought 'rain man'to myself as well. much like corky from life goes on is my only downs reference - i mean no offense - i just dont know...

quote:

I've got to tell you though, for some one with no idea, well....
personally i've been meaning to google autism to learn what it is just since reading posts on this forum, I've wanted to ask, but
A thought i might offend someone
B thought i might look stupid (though i take that risk often)
so please forgive me as i have thought 'rain man'to myself as well. much like corky from life goes on is my only downs reference - i mean no offense - i just dont know...

Thinking "rain man" to yourself is completly different than saying it to someone who has a child with autism. And I know with me, I would never be offended by someone asking about Autism. I have an autism awareness ribbon on my car so that people who don't know alot about it will ask me, I love telling people about Bub! I just don't think it's appropriate for people to ask in such a rude way. It really surprises me that a lot of people don't know anything about autism since it's so common now, 1 in 4 boys is on the spectrum. My pediatrician told me that she doesn't know anything about it, I was totally shocked.

quote:

Originally posted by 4strong:
Moosey, just out of curiousity how do women react when you tell them about your little man?

I don't date much. Most the women I meet react like a ghost walked into the room when my kids are mentioned.

The gal I'm seeing right now has autistic patients so she knows, sort of. As you know each spectrum child is different and I doubt her patients are much like my boy. We aren't at the point were she meets my kids, but she does know about them

I only saw one lady since my divorce, and she has a huge heart. She was ok with my sons autism and actually may have been enamored with him, but as things went along some of his behaviors were hard for her to take

Before I started this journey Rain Man was all I knew of autism, so I can hardly fault people

I have a 6 month rule as far guys meeting my kids, this is the first one that has met them. It was kind of a different situation because he is Sam's best friends Dad and Sam knew him before I did because He has had a lot of play dates over there. Sam and his friend don't realize that there is anything different going on with us and we plan on keeping it that way for a while.

That's really interesting Moosey, I would have thought that women would be a little better about it, but I guess not! My friends always tell me that if they get spooked by Bub than they aren't the right person, which I obviously know is true, it's just kinda frustrating because I know if they just took the time to get to know him, they would love him, who couldn't love my Bubba?!?

I don't fault anyone for thinking that either, I just wish some people had a little more sensitivity!

quote:

Moosey, just out of curiousity how do women react when you tell them about your little man?

Excuse me people.....Just thought you should know....
Due to Erin and her gentleman friend....the use of the term "Little Man" has been forever tarnished beyond repair here.
Please refrain from using it in any other context or subject yourself to ridicule and stupidity....Thank You...


Now back to the regularly scheduled thread:

I guess I'm like a lot of people and don't know anything about autism. The most and/or biggest exposure for most is probably the movie rain man. I'll admit my ignorance to thinking along the same lines. As has been mentioned though, being here has showed me my ignorance and i will do some research and learn what I can. I do have the tact and brains that i would never say anything like that to someone and if I met someone who had a child with autism i wouldn't automatically turn away. But my mind would turn to that movie probably....sorry.

Time to do some learning......

quote:

Time to do some learning......

i agree - anyone want to give us an intro lesson?

I know that I could stand to learn more about autism, as well. Laurie, good for you for being the brave little risk-taker and speaking up first!

All right, 4strong, you've got an attentive audience here! What do you think are the most important things for people to know about autism? What are the biggest misconceptions? Here's your chance to educate us!

And as for me, I'm curious as to the increasing number of kids who are labeled as autistic. In your research, have you come across any credible explanation for it? I've heard people "blame" preservatives from our food and I've also heard people "blame" childhood immunizations. Fact, or fiction?

I like keeping this view open about it also.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?xml=/earth/.../02/21/sciaut121.xml
It has been my own experience with it.

There are other threads that touch on autism here and there. A search would bring up some discussions A dedicated thread for discussion/learning might be a good thing.