Ok, I'm new to this, and I am in search of unbiased advice. I am a 25 year old single mother of a 2 year old boy. I have been dating a man now for about 3 months. We have known each other for over 5 years. He is at my apartment every day, and spends every night there. We desperately want to live together, and have every intention of getting married sometime in the future. So, is it a bad idea? Is it too soon? I know I love him, and I know he loves me, and he really loves my son.

Sounds like you already live together sweetie. Are you asking for advice because you are not sure if it is okay? Have you thought over the implications of living together? Although I truly believe that all the bad aspects of living together can be found in the arrangement that you already have. You have known this man five years, have you been friends all that time? You have dated three months... how do you know he is the one you want to marry? Do you feel secure that he is a good father figure for your child and possible husband for you?

Not saying I am pro or against (although I am usually against the playing house before committing thing) but I do think that you need to ask yourself some questions before giving your child the impression you guys as a family are a sure bet.

In my experience, living together so soon is not a good idea. As well, unless you've been through all the details of a life together (as someone suggested to me in an Ex's forum) you really should rethink. I've moved people in quickly and back out almost as fast. You are still in a courtship phase, slow down, enjoy it a little. Let the dust settle down and then check out the view again. What's waiting another 3-6 months if he's really the one?

Hello Dylansmommy511,
I agree with both posters. Besides all this....does he even know your favorite color, favorite food, favorite tv show....pet peeves? The basic qualities of your character....Three months hardly seems enough time to know anything about you and your son. If he can't answer the basics, what does he know about your more serious qualities? Like what makes you ticked? What about you? Have you even learned enough about his character to come to any conclusions? Once someone moves in...yea you can ask him to leave, but do you know for sure that he will? Also, if you are in here asking questions about moving in together, then you must have some reservations (red flag) about that. If you have reservations then you should wait. I say give it more time.

Maybe one proverbial question can answer your question. Maybe not. But can you answer this yet?

"Can you live with the way he squeezes the toothpaste?"

Thinker made a good point. (The lively and zealous parent Congrats on 500!)

Can I ask another question that is also as applicable as JD's?

Does he leave the Toilet seat up?
It is one of those things that seems to wind up the ladies when living together and causes an argument over the most trivial of things.


Mark

Seeeeeeeee....the basics...do you even know the basics about eachother. Living together is huge, take your time.

quote:

Originally posted by Dylansmommy511:
[qb] We desperately want to live together, and have every intention of getting married sometime in the future. [/qb]

Desperation----not a good reason to do anything especially deciding to LIVE with someone.

Intentions----I had every intention of marrying my kids father but I did not take into account HIM (the fact that he was who he was and I didn't like who he was, which by the way wasn't revealed until well after three months and I knew him for a year before we dated). You can;t know his intentions within three months and if you are anything like me your own intentions acan change over time. Give it some time.

Three months isn't long enough to know anything. My job placed me on probation for six months...(school district) before hiring me 3 years ago, fulltime.

Take your time and find out if the little things are workable for you and him. Those little kinks can turn into HUGE ones and you'll find yourself "best friendless." Funny how taking that next step can cause the demise of good friendships. Unless you two are willing to take the risk of doing something so big, then I say its your call...., but honestly, it is way too soon.....

You're asking because you already know the answer...too soon...

MO...

Here's my input on it, because I'm in a similar situation with my boyfriend. We had known each other for 5 years also before we started dating, and I can tell you if he had asked me to move in with him 3 months into it, I probably would have. We had a whirlwind relationship (still do somewhat) and talked about marriage. I was sure he was "it". Now we've been dating 8 months and there is a lot of question about things that hadn't been questioned earlier including how comfortable he is with the idea of being a stepdad.

I know how you feel, I really do. I got a lot of hard core advice when I posted a similar problem and I thought long and hard about it. Intentions can change and people can change. I'm not saying that you shouldn't move in with him, just pointing out things can change a lot the longer you just date. Moving in together changes the dynamics of a relationship dramatically. I moved in with a boyfriend a few years ago and we got engaged. Then 3 months into our engagement I woke up and said what the hell? I love this man, but we are NOT compatible. So we broke up.

It's so hard-I do understand. But regardless of what anyone says, listen to your heart. Why are you 'desperately' wanting to live together? Answer that and then go from there. You do what you know in your heart is best for you and your child.

Good Luck!

I agree that it is probably too soon. I have been with my bf for 4 months and I would love to live with him. However we both know that it is way too soon. So we spend weekends together. It gives us a chance to have our time together and get to know each others habits (both good and bad) as well as enjoy this stage of our relationship. There is truth to absence makes the heart grow fonder. I talk to my bf at least 5 or 6 times a day and still miss him when we are not together but I am glad that we haven't rushed into anything that might not turn out the way that we think and hope. Best of luck in your situation!!!

Shannon

I am living with my boyfriend of almost six months. Trust me, wait. I love him, I knew that almost immediately and we will get married, we are very much right for one another, but he stopped opening doors. We don't have nearly as much foreplay and we are fast becoming an old married couple. We have three kids between the two of us, so we don't go out much or have much time to ourselves. A lot of things change after you've taken that step. Sometimes I wish that I would have waited. Too little too late. I missed out on the courtship. I will probably always regret that. (We know what each others favorite color is and he leaves the toilet seat up).

I have made that exact same mistake before. I say mistake because it definitely was in my case, but may not be in yours. I met my sons father in march 02, we got an apartment together in july of that year, engaged in august. got preggers in oct? and had jake in june 03. The last time that I moved out was july/aug of this year. Please if you love him now........you will still love him in 6mos. There is no reason to rush into anything.

I have to comment... I moved in with my boyfriend after dating 3 1/2 months and now here I am planning to move out. Wait...if its meant to be, waiting one year or two won't make any difference. I thought I knew my bf, but after a year together, I just realized how he REALLY is and I have to leave. You never really know a person until their guard is down. And people don't let down their guards after just a few months.

My boyfriend and I joke around about him moving in with myself and my daughter but we both agree that if it happens it won't be until prob next spring or summer because we don't want our relationship to go completely down hill when we live together and then him have to move out again.